hi all, I was diagnosed with stage 1 grade 1 endometrial cancer on July 16th this year. 5 weeks later I had a vaginal hysterectomy ( I still have my ovaries) and have been given the all clear but will be checked every 6 months for 2 years. This is obviously brilliant and I’m so happy. But. I keep having bad dreams where I have different types of cancer and can’t get to a doctor. I have many many sleepless nights just lying in bed involuntarily thinking about it. I’ve tried lots of different methods like mindfulness apps and listening to soothing music but their affect is lessening. And I feel a fraud because it was so ‘easy’ for me but I can’t help what I feel. And it’s effecting me. I don’t know how to get over this. Am I alone in this??
Hello. First of all thanks for posting...your story is similar to mine. I had a hysterectomy in July for 1A endometrial cancer (kept ovaries) I felt like I had it easy too but I spoke to my cns today. She called me Superwoman and said I had actually been through so much. I am physically and emotionally drained. I too have dreams about my cancer and have gained new anxieties. Be kind to yourself. It’s been a rough journey. And our treatment wasn’t easy. I know how tough a hysterectomy is on the body...then there’s coping with work etc and the emotional side cannot be underestimated. Just know you’re certainly not alone. Everything you’re feeling is completely understandable and valid.
Hi Gwills1972 and welcome to the Community.
You are defiantly not alone in this and lots of folks go through various degrees of these challenges post treatments.
You are only 4-5 months post treatment so this is all still very real, raw and yes dreams and sleepless nights can be part of this.
I actually did ok after all my treatment but the main tool I found helped when I was having issues was talking with people one on one.
Talking to people face to face does help a lot so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.
You may also want to have a look through this great paper as it does unpack some of the milestones in the post treatment journey.
Thank you for your reply it’s so reassuring I’m not alone
I've had to be so strong for everyone else I forgot to take time to just be ‘selfish’.
Work have been amazing and I’m just finishing up a phased return to work but I’m so exhausted from not sleeping and I have a new boss I don’t really know yet so can’t speak to her as freely as the previous one.
My family and friends have been wonderful too but it’s kind of like ‘you’re alright now what you going on about’ sometimes from some of them so then I feel guilty for being upset
I really don’t know what to with all these feelings. And I don’t want to bother Macmillan nurses or a dr because there are so many people going through so much more, I feel like a fraud.
thanks for responding. I’m going to go through the links you’ve posted tomorrow. I have a 4am alarm and I’m determined to sleep tonight!
Already the responses I’ve received are making me feel less alone. I should have done this weeks ago.
Have a good evening
You’re not a fraud. You’re a survivor and you have courage. Always talk to Macmillan...they’re amazing.
I had my hysterectomy in August 2017 for stage 1a, grade 1 womb cancer. I can relate to everything that you are saying. I sought some help from my CNS who referred me to counselling, that really helped calm my mind. My work were also able to offer counselling sessions which were great for dealing with the anxiety that I felt returning to work after my operation, I felt like I wasn't as good as I was before my op. I was also a bit paranoid that other folk felt like I was doing a bad job.
i also went to see my gp who had some options for me, I've been taking some medication for the last few months and it's really helping me sleep and feel back to myself.
You certainly haven't had an easy ride, what you have been through is tough, you are doing great and everyone needs help sometimes.
lots of love
I had hysterectomy on 12/12/19 i found out it was stage 1agrade 1 cancer when I went back for my 3 week check up even though I was lucky and it was all taken away when they told me it was cancer i was like good it's all gone but next day when it sank in i feel tearful and depressed knowing i had cancer even though it as been removed i feel depressed and tearful but I feel like I should be happy i thought I was the only one that felt like this and a fraud
thank you for your message.
I hit a bad place Friday and as a result my company are going to arrange and pay for counselling. I’m also hoping to get into the drs this week to look at other options to help with sleeping etc. And my HR director who is going through threatening for cancer has offered some advise from her experience and offered to chat whenever I want to.
A lot of what I’m feeling is that I’m letting people at work down by not being able to cope or needing ‘special treatment’ but my boss is reassured me that’s not the case
The operation itself was so ‘easy’ to get over that’s the emotional side has been a surprise. But I’ve taken the first step in admitting I can’t cope and need help so the hard bit, I think, is over.
So glad to hear you’re getting back to your normal self.
thanks for your message
I’m not sure it’s really sunk in 5 months later to be honest.
It did seem so ‘easy’ and I felt so bad that family and friends go through so much more down to flipping cancer. Then all these issues hit me.
I guess we all need to be easier in ourselves. But that’s easier said than done.
All the best to you x
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