Emotional issues

Cancer can be emotionally draining, but sharing your feelings can help you and others in your situation. Talk about it here.

Not given the full facts

Wifey007
Posted by

Evening all. I'm a wreck at the moment. Hubby was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and had to have the Op to have it removed. It was an aggressive form but contained so all good there. we were told of Incontinence and briefly of ED issues but nothing put in place to help us deal with that...or should I say I. There has been no support offered for myself on an emotional level and I feel like a right tool for needing it (Hubby does/did have cancer after all). The nurses are great but his surgeon laughed nervously when we asked questions and we were whisked away so briefly when we asked about the drugs not working...doc said ahh they won't work but kept prescribing them but asked what else he wanted...we didn't know because we weren't given the options so now we are trying the pump which doesn't work at all...in the meantime I'm left with no support...no centre near me covers Prostate Cancer and even the website here has the details for a now defunct group (they are setting up a new one which covers numerous cancers and I'll make sure they set up the details on here). I guess i just want somewhere to rant occasionally as I'm unlikely to turn up somewhere, grab a cuppa and a Donut and say Yeh things suck I miss sex. Wish I had been pre informed of this..everyone is different i know, but somewhere to talk about it would have been nice right now..anyways hope you are having better experiences than me.

One day at a time.
Kazdan
Posted by

Hi I know exactly where your coming from. My fiancé has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer and was told he would need his prostate removed but we did our research and found out that the side effects off this would destroy our relationship totally so we have opted for radiotherapy which the consultants have agreed too but are not happy with.

He is currently taking chemotherapy tablets which we have been told can give you ed but we are managing to have some form of sex life by using tabs from the doctors and ones we get online which are herbal. It’s not ideal as we have to plan when we want sex but it means we can still have some form of sexual relationship. We had planned to get married next august but this has put everything on hold, I can’t tell you how upset we have both been so many tears as we have only been together for three years.

We have also found that there is very little help out there and people don’t want to discuss the sexual side of prostate cancer. 

Im happy to chat with you if that would help as it would also help me too.

Kazdan
Wifey007
Posted by

Oh Yes please. I am sorry you are going through this as well. It's a terrible disease and compounded by the fact there is little of the support we partners need. I tried doing a blog right now but the button won't come up for me to post anything. I'm wishing we had been told more about the risks...there is a huge difference in age between us and one nurse did ask if we had kids together but nothing was ever discussed. I truly believe more support should be there for us and also to help the men. The Cancer affects so much. I am of course happy to have him with me but wish I could share more about what I have lost because we have both lost. Hubby sleeps more now and had it D deficiency. Everyone has gone back to their lives and we are left with the rest. I hope you both find more support where you are and yes I am happy to talk. What was his Gleason score?

One day at a time.
Kazdan
Posted by

His Gleason score was 3+4. My fiancé is only 57 and we are in Norfolk and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of places here to get help and advice from.

I feel that unless you’ve been through it or are going through it nobody really understands as you say life around you just goes on. My fiancé sleeps more now but I think that’s due to the tablets he’s taking, I just accept he will get more tired. We still have a long way to go as this is just the start of the treatment for him.

Kazdan
buttercup01
Posted by

Hi and , just happened to spot your thread. There's a specific society for prostate cancer

https://prostatecanceruk.org

Hope that's useful

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
Kazdan
Posted by

Thank you

Kazdan
Wifey007
Posted by

Thankyou Buttercup. I called them but they haven't got any support groups for Wives/partners unfortunately. Great for other info though and I use the website a lot

One day at a time.
buttercup01
Posted by

Maybe they'll get the idea they need support groups for partners?!

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
Kazdan
Posted by

It’s much needed no real help out there 

Kazdan
Wifey007
Posted by

Let me know how you get on We are now on the waiting list to see a Psycosexual counsellor. I hadn't heard if it before but they help you through all of this..wish I had known before we started to be honest but at least we are now on the list. 

One day at a time.