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Hi Ive been dealt a rough hand and was hoping for some advice. I was diagnosed with stage 4 Testicular cancer in October last year. I had the amazing support of my partner and her family as well as friends. I had to have surgery followed by BEP chemotherapy which I found was rough but my girlfriend was there all the way. It was later found that I needed further surgery a rnlpd to remove a mass by my aorta. While waiting for for my surgery sadly my mum passed away and it effected me but I still tried to keep a brave face on things. We both decided that we had our happy little family my 2 step kids and my own little girl so freezing sperm wasn't needed and we were together for the long haul. My results came back good the chemo and surgery had done the job and I was clear 4 weeks after my surgery she decided that she didn't want to be with me and told me to leave so I lost my home, I wasn't allowed to see the step kids and she basically deleted me from her life all the photos were gone she sold most of the things I got her. I tried so hard to get her back but it was no good. She said I wasn't the man she wanted I was moody and selfish which I was but I was depressed and suffered badly with anxiety. When I was diagnosed I gave her the choice and said it would be a very hard journey but she was sure that we could get though anything saying we would be together always and forever. Im now living at friends with nothing and she doesn't even acknowledge me. I fully understand that cancer and the loss of my mum changed me from what she met at the start but there has been so much loss that I find things unbearable. Any advice of how I can move on or support would be great. Biggest problem I have I still love the girl. Ive just found out as well that a friend who helped me though my cancer died today from his own battle with cancer and im at rock bottom.
Thank you for reading
Dear gaz, I am so sorry to read of the breakdown of your relationship on top of everything you have been through. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you of the profound effect a cancer diagnosis and the subsequent treatment can have in terms of stress for all concerned. So the fact that you suffered from depressive thoughts and raised levels of anxiety is totally understandable given the circumstances. As for moving forward, it’s important to acknowledge what has happened, which I think you have, and accept that you can’t go back and change things. The best way to move forward is to create a new normal for yourself, you can’t forget about the experiences you’ve had because they are part of you now, but you can use those experiences to motivate yourself to appreciate what life has to offer. There will be someone out there who you can share your life with but you have to open up yourself to that possibility and not allow yourself to shut down your emotions as a form of self protection. It’s ok to feel things deeply even if you are a man ! And it’s healthy to let those emotions out. When you begin to heal you may be able to build bridges with everyone but for now you need to work on taking care of yourself.
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