Emotional issues

Cancer can be emotionally draining, but sharing your feelings can help you and others in your situation. Talk about it here.

Feeling emotionally disconnected

Jumbles ale
Posted by

Hi everyone. I’m new to this site. Feeling very low and with no one to talk to. My husband has prostate cancer and is having treatment. I’m struggling with the emotional side of it. Probably he also is too as he just tells everyone he is fine when it seems to me he is not. He is actually quite scared.  I feel he is pushing me away emotionally and being very disconnected. We are not really talking about how  we feel. I can’t get him to talk to me. So I feel very lonely with it. I don’t mean to be selfish as I know this is happening to his body but I just wish someone would ask me how I am and reach out to support me too. Has anyone any advice on how they manage staying emotionally connected with their loved ones?

Kazdan
Posted by

Hi I know exactly how you feel, my fiancé has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer and it’s hit us both hard. We are getting married next August and are meant to be happily planning our big day but now it’s all been blown apart with this diagnosis. We have only been together three years.

We are very close and do try and talk through how we are both feeling but like you he says he’s fine and that I’m not to worry he will be fine. I’ve got to admit I’ve been in floods of tears ever since we found out. It doesn’t help that since the diagnosis nothing has happened, we where told what the options where and told them straight away what had been decided but are still awaiting an appointment to see what they have decided is the best treatment plan. Obviously we want all the treatment completed before we get married so he’s well enough to enjoy our special day.

All I can offer as advice is take each day as it comes and make time for each other, get out of the house when you can, have date nights etc and try and keep your mind off of the diagnosis and be there for each other.

Hope this helps a little x take care and big hugs xx

Kazdan
Jumbles ale
Posted by

Hi Kazdan.

Thanks for your support and I’m so sorry to hear you are going through something similar. I feel for you too and wish you and your fiancé well. 

I think I really need to tell my husband how I feel but also be patient if he does not feel able to talk. We need to make time for each other just doing normal things. 

I hope you get your treatment plan sorted out soon so that you know what is going to happen. It also took us ages before we were clear on this. My husband was sure he wanted one kind of treatment but then it turned out he was not suitable and had to have another. I hope your fiancé soon get clarity on his plan. 

Thanks for reaching out. I was feeling so low so I really appreciated it. 

Kazdan
Posted by

Hi I’m glad I helped a little. What treatment has your husband had to have? Was the cancer caught early? It’s so hard to decide what the best thing to do is as it all has a big impact on your relationship and it does put a huge strain on emotions.

i do think being open about how you are both feeling helps immensely but I know it’s very hard on the man to talk too as this is very much a mans illness.

We have both had tears and cuddles and had lots of chats which helps us greatly.

I hope you can get your husband to open up to you as I think it will make your relationship so much stronger and help you both.

All the best xx

Kazdan
Jumbles ale
Posted by

Hi Kazdan

My husband was adamant he wanted a radical prostatectomy surgery to quickly remove the prostate. We have a friend who had this and it worked well for him. But when we saw the surgeon after more scans, the surgeon thought it was too advanced and risky for surgery. So he is having hormone treatment which started 6 months ago and starts radiotherapy next week. It feels like a long road but we are still optimistic about the outcomes. 

I think hormone treatment can affect the emotions and he is not one who opens up easily. We ended up having a long talk last night which may have helped or it is least a start and hopefully we have surfaced the need to talk more. 

Wishing you and your fiancé well in the treatment and your relationship. Hope the wedding is wonderful. X