Emotional issues

Cancer can be emotionally draining, but sharing your feelings can help you and others in your situation. Talk about it here.

Telling others

Nina60
Posted by

Last week after 3 biopsy’s, it was decided the best way forward is for me to have a hysterectomy. 

I have two daughters both with additional needs. The eldest has numerous physical difficulties and some, well controlled, mental health issues. She is 26, but emotionally anything from 10 upwards, depending on what is going on around her and how well she is being supported by staff. She is in supported living .

my youngest has serious mental health issues due to stuff that happened when she was living with her birth parents. Everything has to be about her. She is totally unable to keep a confidence. Anything I say to her she tells absolutely everyone she meets, and she will ramp it up to being the worst thing ever and how terrible it will be for her. This has resulted in total strangers coming up to me and either berating me for telling my daughter I’m dying when clearly I’m not, or being emotionally over the top toward me saying how sorry they are. She is 22 but emotionally totally dependent on me, and most of the time reacts like a 5 years old. 

yes, I have pre cancer merging into stage 1 cancer of the womb. But I do not want my daughters friends and acquaintances knowing. I especially do not want my daughters birth mother knowing.

obviously I am going to have to tell her something as I will not be available to her as she is going to want. She is also in supported living but her support package only gives 5 hours one to one per week. Any suggestions or thoughts welcomed.

lesleyhelen
Posted by

Hello

I'm just wondering if the 60 is your year of birth?  If so, could you just not say you are having a hysterectomy due 'age related issues'.  As you say you can't avoid telling them that you're having a hysterectomy due to the fact it is a big operation and how much help you will probably need following, but 'age related issues' is a good way to avoid mentioning cancer. 

Looking at the NHS website: 

The most common reasons for having a hysterectomy include:

  • heavy periods – which can be caused by fibroids
  • pelvic pain – which may be caused by endometriosis, unsuccessfully treated pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), adenomyosis or fibroids
  • prolapse of the uterus
  • cancer of the womb, ovaries or cervix

    You can choose the pelvic pain /prolapse of the uterus - which if pushed for more information you can have as a backup story?  If you're younger than a1960 birth (apologies if I've aged you!!!) and still having periods, then you could go for heavy periods/endometriosis as the reason.

Best wishes,

Lesley x

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Nina60
Posted by

Thank you. You were close with 60 being year of birth, it was age problems started and I have just turned 61!

I can go with pelvic pain due to fibroids. I don’t want to lie to her but nor do I want to be dealing with the emotional fallout from her. Two of her Godmothers have had cancer, one survived and one died, so it isn’t something we haven’t discussed. If anything worse is found I suppose I will then have to tell her but there is enough for her to deal with anyway with her own mental health problems. At least her care coordinator is now back from long term leave and she is with a brilliant support provider.

writer
Posted by

How do you tell your beautiful child?

 

How do you tell your beautiful child?

That you watched play and run so wild.

You promised to love and to protect,

To teach them kindness and respect.

 

The closer that awful day draws near,

You know you must surpass your fear.

You must be strong, be brave, stand tall,

They can’t hear it elsewhere, after all.

 

So driving there that terrible day,

You try to find the words to say.

A warm hello, a hug and a kiss,

Reminds you of all, that you will miss.

 

Your eyes swell up, tears start to fall,

Already losing your self-control.

“What’s up, Dad? My God, what’s wrong?”

You hug them tight and hold them long.

 

You try to recompose yourself somehow,

And whisper “I’ve got to tell you now.”

“The tests that I had recently,

Came back rather negatively.”

 

“The doctor says that I have cancer,”

Then came the question I lied to answer.

“Does that mean that you will die?”

“Oh no,” said I, looking at them in the eye.

 

“It means that I need to do more tests,

Live healthier and get some rest.

When the tests are done we will see,

What treatment will be best for me.”

 

“So will you have to stay in the hospital?”

“Well maybe, but not for long at all.

There are lots of things I don’t know yet,

But I’ll have the best doctors, I can get.”

 

“I just felt I had to tell you and share,

I didn’t want you to hear it somewhere.

So now you know, let’s move along,

Let’s have a drink, and make mine strong.”

 

 

So we sat to drink and chat,

With questions about this and that.

The tears dried up we even laughed,

And reminisced about the past.

 

It was probably the hardest day,

I’ve ever had, by a long way.

But looking back, it had to be done,

Telling my beautiful Daughter and Son.

Copyright of Alexander

positivity is the key to longevity. 
Bri1958
Posted by

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Simply ..... beautiful 

Thank you!

Dum Spiro Spero
“While I breathe, I hope”
Nina60
Posted by

That is so amazing. Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful and brave piece. 

writer
Posted by

You are very welcome. I will be sharing other bits from my book very soon.

positivity is the key to longevity. 
writer
Posted by

Thank you. I will be sharing more from my book very soon.

positivity is the key to longevity. 
Sparky2
Posted by

Thank you for sharing this, so  much I can identify with. Bless you xxxx