Emotional issues

Cancer can be emotionally draining, but sharing your feelings can help you and others in your situation. Talk about it here.

Neuroblastoma on adult.

HolmesYorkshire
Posted by

Evening,

No idea how to start this so i'll just ramble until i get my point out,

My girlfriend is 27 and has just been diagnosed with neuroblastoma, extremely rare in adults and i'm going to be completely honest but it's destroying me inside, My life hasn't really got many "releases" i don't go see friends much anymore as we've all drifted apart, i don't have many hobbies and what i do have i can't get the energy to get up and do, I live quite a boring life apart from work, So i wake up at 6am everyday and just head to work, keep my head down, stay quiet in my corner workspace and just get on with it, I'll work myself into the ground some days and then just go home and cry, I have suffered with mental health for as long as i can remember and this affects me a lot even though i've seeked a lot of help and it has helped me control my emotions and feelings but this has just brought a whole batch of emotions back up that i never thought i'd have.

She is the strongest woman i know in the world and i love her with all my heart but seeing her go through this is destroying me, i know i can't do anything but be there for her and i would take it away from her and live with it myself if i could but i know i can't. Any advice whatsoever would really be helpful. I need to be strong for her and not just put on a face and show her that it's destroying me inside.

daloni
Posted by

Hi

I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend. I am sorry it’s taken so long before anyone got back to you. How are you both now? I imagine a lot has happened in three and a half weeks. 

I can see from your post just how much your girlfriend’s diagnosis is affecting you. You come across as a caring guy who’s struggling with existing mental health issues and now this as well. It seems you want to do the right thing for the woman you love but you don’t know how. I think that’s brave. I think it’s understandable too. 

There is some useful information over on the main site that might be worth a reading: https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/your-emotions/someone-close-has-cancer

I won’t say anymore now but if this is a good start, please do come back and we can talk more. 

Meanwhile here’s a big ((((hug)))) for both of you 

xxx

KerryLeigh
Posted by

Hi HolmesYorkshire,

I have just joined the community today, mainly after seeing your post. I apologise if I babble on a bit! 

Firstly, I hope you and your girlfriend are doing OK, this is a heartbreaking situation for the strongest of people. I was diagnosed with neuroblastoma just over a year ago, just after my 29th birthday, I had also battled it at 17. This time they found a tumour on what would of been my final 10 year remission scan. 

My partner and I are similar to yourself, we don't have many hobbies, we work alot and have very hectic careers in jobs which are open all hours, all year round. I've continued to work since my diagnosis and have just taken time off for any treatment. We don't have children so our life is work, and each other obviously lol!

I struggled with depression and anxiety after my first cancer battle and had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help me battle through that. Im not one for taking tablets if I can avoid taking them, I have to pop enough as it is lol! I have again struggled with it this time round which lead to me having to take further time off work. After 10 weeks off for treatment, I really struggled to go back in and deal with the pressure of my job. I still use what I learnt through my CBT training in every day life, but it just wasn't enough to help me through. Being open about your mental health is hard, but it's the first step in getting better. I know you can get alot of CBT support online or by self referral in some areas now, I cannot speak highly enough about how it helped me or speak to your doctor about what other help is available. Cancer has a huge impact on loved ones also. My partner has taken time off work to look after me, but has also taken time off for his mental health and to take a breather because normal life can get too much, let alone normal life + cancer. Take a break from work, use some holiday if you can, my partner took unpaid leave because in my eyes his mental health is more important to me than money, no matter how much we may need it, I didn't even question it when he told me. Be open with your girlfriend about how you're feeling, if she's anything like me she will be worrying more with you saying 'you're fine' when we know you're not. 

Plan things to look forward to, even if its just a day out locally together, dinner out or even a cosy night in. We love to travel, but we've struggled to get away with everything going on, so we either go away closer to home or have days out together. We took a break in Devon at the end of my recent radiotherapy treatment and literally did not leave our cabin for the 4 days we were there, it was bliss. Build good memories through the bad times. 

If you or your girlfriend want to talk to people in a similar situation, just give me a message. My partner would be just as open to chat aswell! 

My main message for you both is keep positive, keep smiling and keep being a team and support each other. 

Sending love to you both.