Thank you Alison for your lovely supportive reply.
Oh I hope yours will be cured. Quickly or whenever. Thinking of you - hugs.I will look at the other groups you mentioned too. Time to do that, as have shared this with not many, I have yet to cry from the initial diagnosis and all that has happened since, maybe this is what is causing so many emotional issues, and being an extra sensitive person anyway, its kind of like a volcano waiting to explode if that makes sense, but will do the phone call. I've only just got onto the internet using my laptop today and caught up on here.
Will definitely stay in this group.
Hi, cancer is one of those strange things, my partner Mimi was dx with stage 4 endometrial cancer in late 2013 (only given 6 months) and had beaten the odds and been in remission till a few weeks ago.(Its now in her liver).
Friends that we thought we were close to, distanced themselves from us, but other people who we never felt we could never rely on came forward, her brother said "I'm too busy to cope with this right now" !
You will find strength in unusual places, share everything with your partner, never hold back we are stronger than you think, we often feel helpless.
I've just come back from a long walk by the sea. So hope its therapeutic! My sister is never as sweet as candy (she saves that for everyone else!) but for some sad reason I want her to love me. Our mother died, aged 45, when I was 16 and she was 26 (cancer; quick; and a shock) but she never rose to the occasion. I think it was because she was the only child for 10 years and then I came along and changed everything. I always thought it might have been better if I'd be a boy! The jealousy/resentment has never gone for her and I really think (although it sounds incredible) that she cannot bear the fact that I've had "c" and she doesn't want me to have any attention. After my second op. in 3 weeks, I took the dressing off and was shocked as my boob had changed shape and size (which hadn't happened from the first op.) When I told her of the shock of seeing this in the mirror, all she could say was "well, you'll have to come to terms with that".
Our mother was frightening and I often wonder if she had lived what sort of a relationship we would have had. I still feel very lonely without her as I've gone through all the important stages in my life without her, and as one counsellor I saw explained this is "unfinished business". If you've had a good relationship with someone and they die then you can get over it eventually, but when you have had a bad relationship you're in some sort of limbo.
My "C" diagnosis was a complete shock to me. I thought I'd escaped as many of my close relatives had died of it before the age of 50. I cannot say the word. Its like having satan inside you.
Let's hope our walk in the oxygen has done us good!
Good Luck to you too and Mimi. She got over it once; she can do it again!
Thanks for your post.
Gingercat - oh my heart goes out to you and your Mimi and sincerely hope that something can be done and she will make a recovery. T y for sharing that poignant post.
Like you said about finding strength in unusal places ...... well I knew I had to get out of the (small) flat get fresh air s took a small bag of things down to the Marie Curie charity shop down the town. To cut a long story short I stopped to get my breath back as post c energy levels plus low thyroid all contribute, stopped at a jewellers shop to window gaze for a few minutes, a woman was doing this too and I noticed the distinctive headscarf as in possibly Chemo, so we chatted and yes that was what hers was, wished each other good luck and went our separate ways. That moment was a surprise and uplifting :) almost guided some might say?
This journey, the rollercoaster, is just that, only we really have no idea when the ride will end!
Warmest wishes to you both.
Hello Dottess, I hope you feel better after your sea walk.
When I got my shock diagnosis, after lots of strong language when no hospital staff were around the only way I could cope was to give the bleepy lump a name, think of it immediately as little c even if it wasn't, and like you, have never say the word in full at all unless it really needs to be said. The analogy you used of satan is spot on.
I think you are amazing and this goes for all the others who are taking part in this topic as to come through the storm is nothing short of that. Not to mention the ongoing mental stuff we have to put up with including any unwelcome comments or that great wall of silence!
Well the fresh air today sure helped lift the brain mist which is why am tapping on the keys as it comes back with no warning.
Thank you Shieldscannylass Got to be careful I don't take over Dottess page. One thing I learned last time is you have to push the hospital staff, or you get nowhere. Your in a bad place so don't be afraid to scream at people for help if you don't no own else will.
Please never do what Mimi is doing to me, she is refusing food and is on a drip, and has shut me out, so I spent the day drinking rum, thing is life still has to go on, despite my banging head in the morning, I still have 2 little dogs on my lap who will still need walking in the morning, I 'm not sure how you guys would feel about this? but having seen my mum die from cancer and if she wants to avoid that pain I'm at peace with that.
Oh Gingercat - my heart bleeds for you. Is Mimi in hospital? Please try not to drink too much as it actually makes you feel worse; you wake up in the night (if you've ever been to sleep in the first place) when everything is at its lowest. Take the dogs out today and maybe talk to another dog owner. Its a sad time; I pray you get through it.
I visited Mimi today, been couple of days, been in contact with the nurses station and they said I should visit today.
When I arrived the care team were there, a doctor took me aside and told me the cancer was aggressive and my wonderful Mimi only has a couple weeks, when I got in the she was mad don't know got to her brain or its the meds but she was ranting about something being around her spine then her legs.. I just wanted to throw up and to my shame I could not stay in the room with her, so Im back home feeling like poo I dont know if I want to visit her again I dont want to be my last memory of her to be this, I want to remember her as the girl I met 12yrs who loved to sing in the pub and who full life and just so much fun.
So sorry for you both. In a few days - after you've got over the shock you will want to see Mimi again. It is the meds. which make patients rant and sometimes they will say hurtful things which they don't mean. I hope you get the strength to do the right thing and visit her.
All best wishes
What took my breath away was my cab driver Asif he dropped me off and when her returned he had bought a little cactis simple act just destroyed me
Asif lost his dad to liver cancer so guess we made a connection, his simple act of kindness just meant so much today, I'm going to nurture that catuis and every time I look at it I'm going to remember Mimi and his act of kindness.
Been way from the internet for 24 hrs and just catching up and so very sorry to read your posts gingercat and what has happened in the past few days. I don't know what else to say but thinking of you as others are.
All I can say is when cancer first hit Mimi they gave her six months and she had 4 good years for which I am greatfull for that I just hope that this time its quick, when I saw her in the bed she wernt the girl I knew so I hope it takes her quick, I know that makes me a coward I can live with that I love her too much to see her suffer. Im at the point where I just want to see it over.
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