Emotional issues

Cancer can be emotionally draining, but sharing your feelings can help you and others in your situation. Talk about it here.

Emotions up and down

Posted by

hi I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer Dec 16. Did 6 months chemo, surgery, 33 radiotherapy sessions, just finished my year of herceptin in June and am on tamoxifen for 5-10 years. I know I am one of the lucky ones and I do try to live in the present and enjoy simple things. However, I have neuropathy in my hands, I still have my chemo port for 2 years as my chance of recurrence is judged quite high, I have heart damage from herceptin and various other secondary treatment effects. The worst thing is the tiredness headaches and nausea, plus loss of libido and agony trying to resume my sex life. My husband has been amazing and we have tried so many products but to no avail. The hospital has told me I have extreme atrophy and my other symptoms are caused by hormone imbalances too.

i understand oestrogen isn't possible but I just feel so miserable sometimes. It's hard to live every day with a headache that can make me sick, breathlessness and arrhythmia and tiredness.

i don't feel angry about cancer, I just feel sad at what it has taken. I actually ran a marathon 4 days before diagnosis! It feels like a different life. I know I feel different I'm just not exactly sure how or why.

i also feel pressure to pretend everything is fine when often I don't feel great but I know people want me to feel well. Sometimes I feel very lonely and angry for no reason, or an invalid reason. I'm very teary and sometimes feel my family have dealt with enough and I would be better just disappearing with my dog to sort my head out! 

Im in my 40s still so my menopause is chemically induced and think it is the tamoxifen playing havoc with my moods.

would be very grateful to receive any advice. Thankyou


Posted by

Hi Raggarty welcome to the forum and I am so sorry to hear about all that has happened for you and how you are feeling.

Cancer really is the gift that keeps giving isnt it. It comes into our lives completely uninvited turns our world upside down then leaves us having changed us beyond recognition. Some of what you are feeling is normal after Cancer and I wondered if you have the Internet you could look up an article by  a Psychologist Dr Peter Harvey and writes about Life after Cancer. I feel sure from your post that you will recognise yourself in that article I know I did and it explains all that is going on for you right now.

Posted by

Hi Raggarty,

You are juggling a lot of things there, right enough. I think that within it all, improvements are definitely possible. I hope you don't mind me flinging a few things your way?

I think 'getting on the same page' with the people you know could lessen the pressure on you to pretend everything is great and allow you to relax. As you were so fit before, it will be hard for them to understand the invisible problems you are dealing with. You might be able to lessen the feelings of loneliness and allow you to feel you are acting more naturally, as it were, by being honest with them.

It might help if you had some counselling sessions, to help you think things through. I had four sessions and it let me talk without family members being there, which does help. I was afraid of dying, basically, so I had to get my head round it. I am a bit better re that. 

Sex-wise, I am not really the person to advise, but as a womb cancer lady we are given various sizes of dilators to use. That type of thing might help, if you started using them on your own, which might allow that part of your body to reconnect with your mind, if you know what I mean. Things about you have changed, and the new you is still getting to know herself.

I hope you get help with the headaches. Sharing your feelings etc on here is great, because we are all on your side, and 'get' what you mean.

Cheerio lovely lady

Lots of love

Alison xxx 

Posted by

Thank you so much for this post. I read the article and it reflected so much of what I feel at the moment.  I am so scared the cancer has returned and feeling unwell makes it harder to cope.  



Life is what happens when you are making other plans!  
Posted by

Oh my I read your post with much sadness, it is so hard to keep positive at times isn't it; the treatment is so brutal at times. I have found  quality of life is so impaired by side effects that  find myself wondering occasionally (on the darkest days) whether I would have been better not to have treatment and at least have quality and health for a bit longer! For the most part though, despite the hideousness of it all I am grateful for treatment and try to be jolly about things.

Not an easy battle, I just hope so much that things get easier and improve for you. Sending hugs and healing vibes xxxx

Although I am broken, I am still breathing...... 
Posted by

Oh Dear  Sister  Please  Dont  B  Sad ... One Day Everythings became Fine  ... i will pray  for  you .... you will be better .

Posted by

Hi raggarty  

my heart goes out to you xxx it's been nearly 5 mths since my operation it's affected my head big time I had stomach cancer removed a full hysterectomy but it's my head it's affected the most lol my family think iv gone crackers lol ... I cry at the drop of a hat ... I'm in my fortys I'm terrified of making love to my husband I'm forgetting things all the time I am definitely not the same person  I have a 3 year  grandson that I have 3 days a week so my daughter can work ... I know it's mean and I would never tell anyone but since the op his voice drives me crazy ... I'm dreading it 2 weeks time I have to go back to work I can't stand people at the mo ... so no lovely girl it's not strange to want to run away and hide from the world because if I could I definitely would ... 

Posted by

Dear All,

Forgive me for sticking my nose in when I'm not in the womb cancer or breast cancer groups - mine is Lung Cancer.

I've been using this site as my Lifeline for almost 5 years now and there are many times I read posts like yours about how someone feels following cancer treatment - successful or unsuccessful & feel I may be able to add a small piece of advice..

My belief is that your body pulls on all its' resources to fight the "beast" & afterwards one is left deflated,lost and generally not yourself anymore. The poor old mind and emotions are then on "catch up" & I liken it to PTSD. After all you have been through such a lot. 

I feel you've had some good advice here but would add - go see your GP & explain how you're feeling and "yes" he/she may prescribe some "happy pills" but these may well just allow you to get your head above water and see things a little more clearly. Then if possible (and Macmillan operates in your area) make contact with Macmillan and try to get some counselling from one of their wonderful people. Talking enables you to again pinpoint whys & hows of your particular concerns. Please don't just let things rumble on because they won't get better on their own. You may have won the war BUT your poor mind is still recovering and needs some help.

I do hope you'll forgive me again for sticking my nose in & hope you'll find just by talking about things here is the start of your new life. It's the first and biggest step to admit how you're feeling.

May I send you all Comforting (((HUGS))))

Diz xxx

"You Never Know How Strong You Are Until Being Strong Is The Only Choice You Have "

Community Champion badge

What is a Community Champion?

Posted by

Hi Dizzie-wh,

Please butt in any time you like! It's the Emotional group anyway. That's one of the things I like about groups like this, it includes all cancer buddies. I actually popped in to the lung cancer group the other day to comment on chemo as the poster was waiting for someone to answer. Another poster mentioned in her post that this was a lung cancer group, and it made me wonder about the way things are on this site. On the womb site we don't mind if a cervical cancer person comes on, or a carer, etc. But I try not to make a habit of it, I just feel compelled to help people, he he! I wouldn't go on the groups like carers or incurable etc as it tells you not to on the page.

Anyway, it's all good!

And your advice is good to!

Take care everybody

Alison xxx