Emotional issues

Cancer can be emotionally draining, but sharing your feelings can help you and others in your situation. Talk about it here.


Posted by

Hello having been diagnosed in July last year. I have recently come around to surgery and having radiotherapy. Up until last month before Christmas I was coping fine. Nobody would have known there was any problem with me at all. Then wham after having a routine ultrasound and finding out it had got bigger slightly. My emotions have kicked in, anxiety and I haven’t been to work for 3 weeks. 

People tell me this is normal reaction to this situation. How do you ladies cope. Please any advice would be warmly received. Thank you in advance 

Posted by


welcome to the online community sorry you've had to come and find us

why don't you come on over to the breast group and join in the discussions there ?

we're a friendly bunch and we've all been where you are or at least in the same boat, or ball park, or whatever analogy

Did you choose not to have the surgery immediately ?    I had an instant meltdown and had surgery within 8 weeks.

Is it a major problem if you don't go to work ?




 real life success stories to remind you that people do survive breast cancer



Posted by

Hi Shellbay13

Welcome to the online community - we are a friendly bunch of people who are here to help and support you as much as you need. I'm not entirely sure what your diagnosis is so please forgive me if I get things a little wrong. I see you have tagged this breast cancer which is why I have popped over from the breast cancer group to say hello. We have a few separate breast cancer groups and I'm not sure which would suit you best but you will be welcome in any or all of them. We are a very large (unfortunately) group and, although we wish no-one ever had to join, we welcome everyone with outstretched arms and virtual hugs as often as is needed.

The main Breast Cancer group might be the best place to start

We also have an Under 50's breast cancer group which is less busy but just as supportive.

Then we have the Triple Negative Breast Cancer group 

and the Secondary Breast Cancer group.

People often use two or more groups and we are all quite good at finding posts that we can reply to (as you can see)

I've realised that I haven't actually answered your question - I think everyone copes in different ways. Have you been offered any counselling? If your anxiety is enough to keep you at home for 3 weeks then it might be something to look into. You should be able to access some through your medical team, but if not then your GP should help.

I hope you can find a strategy that works for you - and maybe we'll see you over in the breast groups!


Posted by

Hello and thanks for the reply. Having BC is so out of my comfort zone,, being so in control of my life then finding out that I have absolutely no control over this. It threw me. For 4 months I was in control of my emotions and was so calm to the extreme of being anxious, it makes little sense to me. 

In the bigger picture I suppose work can manage without me. 

I’m so not used to being the needy one. I’m normally the one helping and being there for other people. 

I have joined the BC group now. 

Thank you for your kind words.

I sometimes feel quite alone in that nobody relates to me having BC 

Bless you M x

Posted by

oh well I can report to you, being probably the emotionally baddest person on this site -- not only breast cancer, arthritis,  damaged ankle, only relative son who behaves towards me in a loathsome fashion - mentally ill,  maybe he can help it, or maybe he can't - LOL meant to be my 'loved one' who is going to look after me....right...

I so relate to this looking after everyone else - I m these carers groups etc, it's all about looking after your mentally ill relative,  and if you get ill, where you will be forgotten, abandoned,  because you're no longer useful.  

I've been looking up 'naming feelings', , seeing hospital  psychologist once a month.  Bit shocking, what I find, but I believe truth has to be the place to start :  government health warning:   naming your feelings is not for the fainthearted : what we should  feel is not what we actually feel :  (this was after son s brief visit yesterday )

angry, ashamed, anxious, bitter, despairing, disappointed, disgusted, frustrated, furious,, hurt, inadequate, lonely, lost, miserable, overwhelmed, resentful, disaappointed, shocked, suspicious, tense, terrified, worried, worthless

this morning found what could be the antidote :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk5gibBg-4g

if I can think of myself as a part of nature which lives and dies, well hopefully ,can find some peace.? beautiful sounds...

Yes it's all very well to say talk to people, but if you say how you really feel,  they're likely to freak out............ not helpful.  I had one person, once, who said it was okay for me to be upset.  big mistake, when people rush in , to try and make you feel something you don't --to make themselves feel  better.  huh. 

People can be a damn nuisance, just bursting into tears, hugs from strangers, etc.  but if you need some one do your house work , or to come and visit you........ they have evaporated......I refused chemotherapy and hormone therapy, had to, just  not possible to take on any more misery, all very well having things done in hospital, but I'm awake at 3 AM freaking out,panic stations, and if I go to A&E it's a 10 hour wait..........barely coped with drain bottle after surgery, they didn't tell me how far it was inserted my body -- maybe that is better than looking at pictures of PICC lines, I think I probably would've gone psychotic,  if I'd spent six months worried sick every single second about infection, etc. 

of course they don't know how you feel,  because they're not you -does not do to add any more fear to the situation I suppose, for some reason cancer seems to add more fear than anything.  Although I can report to you that mental "illness"   is  worse, cast permanently into outer darkness. Which is probably why we all have to put on a brave face.  would be better to call it " bad state of mind"  that implies there can be some possibility of change.

sorry I probably said too much hope this isn't overwhelming !!!



Posted by

Hello Shellbay13

You asked how do we cope, well I get up every day and take it from there. I was diagnosed in 2010 and have had 4 recurrences.  With almost everything you can imagine inbetween.  I'm now living with secondary breast and kidney cancer.

I started off telling myself all the things I SHOULD do and I failed a lot of the time. So now I tend to do what I want or what I can.

At the moment the I have bad blurred vision so sorry for any mistakes but I wanted to reply to you.

One day you maybe signed of as clear, or you could have an experience more like mine. Who knows. All I know is I'm hear now and I have an awful lot to be grateful for. I hope you do too.  

Take care