Emotional issues

Cancer can be emotionally draining, but sharing your feelings can help you and others in your situation. Talk about it here.

BBC3: Things not to say to someone with cancer

Unbalanced
Posted by

People don't look at my breasts - they look at my Blue Badge and then at me and wondering "What on earth is wrong with her? She doesn't look handicapped". Sometimes I feel I want to wear a big notice that says that I have bone cancer. However, the printed sign of "Not all disabilities are visible" will suffice. In some countries they have a notice that says "Take my disabled bay and you have to take my disability".


Interestingly I passed the video link to my sister-in-law and she was confused by the messages coming across as some of them are contradictory. Had to explain that everybody reacts differently, but from the wonderful responses on this forum, it is clear to me that a lot of people identify with the contents.

Unbalanced of Cambridge

Unbalanced
Posted by

Hi Mike

I too hate the word "fight". It is not a fight. I realised very early on that I cannot control my cancer, but I can control my reaction to it. I can also support my body's immune system through acupuncture, reflexology and one-to-one yoga. I was given 5-10 years - so am now half-way through and still stable (no remission for me). I have decided I need at least another 20 so I can see my great-nephew and nieces grow to adulthood - giving me the chance to know them and for them to know me.


I also don't consider myself courageous. I have the choice to decide how I react - let the cancer take control and define me, or add it to the rest of the baggage and carry on living my life in the best way I can.

Unbalanced of Cambridge

RufusT
Posted by

Thank you! How refreshing and honest! 

MikeO
Posted by

I think your moniker is highly deceptive Unbalanced, you seem quite the opposite to me.

 What is a Community Champion?

Metastatic SCC of right medial piriform fossa plus four malignant lymph nodes diagnosed 8th October 2013. Modified radical neck dissection November, thirty-five radiotherapy fractions with 2xCisplatin chemo Jan/Feb 2014.

http://mike-oldfield.blogspot.co.uk/

Unbalanced
Posted by

Ah, but that was when my breasts were completely different sizes! Since surgery 2 years, they are almost matching! (too much information?)

Now the moniker is more literal as I keep falling over myself - not cancer fortunately!


Ruth x

Unbalanced of Cambridge

BLANKET
Posted by

That's exactly how it is!  Thank you, I've posted on Twitter.

I'm such a brave, strong woman.

But I'm OK now aren't I?  Not so much asking me, as telling me.

Or at least you should be, as that was ages ago when you first had breast cancer. 

Oh she's only had tumours removed from her bladder, like it's nothing.  Not that they've ever had bladder cancer.

Stop playing the cancer card.

I'm sick of your cancer.

Most of this came from my wonderful family.   As ridiculous as this may sound it's almost like they're jealous.

BrownRabbit
Posted by

I love this thread. I'm in the middle of tests and scans which may or may not lead to a diagnosis of secondaries. I'm keeping it fairly private, but it makes all the 'wow, you look well,' and 'isn't your hair nice now it's grown back' even harder to take. My grandmother used to quote Alice (Through the Looking Glass) - 'it's rude to make personal remarks'. It's doubly rude when you have no choice in your change of appearance, and when, actually, it's the least of your worries. I sometimes want to shout 'shut up about the hair!!'

Jessebaby
Posted by

Totally with you on that one. 'Surviving', 'battling' , 'fighting', 'being brave', staying positive ', as if all those things will help 'cure' you. 

Taking it day by day, dealing with the horrendous side effects that no one wants to hear about, having a little cry on your own 'cos you feel scared and don't know what's going to happen. Counting down chemo sessions so the sheer number of them is manageable- that's all you can do. 

My cancer may have gone for now but the brutal effects of the cure leaves a lot of damage for a lot of people; I'm still having scans and ultrasounds for blood clots and joint problems - and my fitness level is zero; muscle memory is a joke!

As long as it's 2 steps forward and only 1 and a half back, I can cope. 


Linda x

daloni
Posted by

I'm so enjoying this thread too. I have literally no idea how to "fight" cancer. I think I'd do myself a mischief with any kind of weapon. Punching it on the nose would leave me with a black eye and a psych referral. Any ideas? No. Thought not. 

MikeO
Posted by

Unbalanced

Ah, but that was when my breasts were completely different sizes! Since surgery 2 years, they are almost matching! (too much information?)

Now the moniker is more literal as I keep falling over myself - not cancer fortunately!

Ruth x


Aha, misunderstood your meaning being from a different neck of the woods around here.
Just wanted to point out that I think mentally you're perfectly balanced, haha.
Mike x

 What is a Community Champion?

Metastatic SCC of right medial piriform fossa plus four malignant lymph nodes diagnosed 8th October 2013. Modified radical neck dissection November, thirty-five radiotherapy fractions with 2xCisplatin chemo Jan/Feb 2014.

http://mike-oldfield.blogspot.co.uk/

stephanie1
Posted by

So sorry to hear this daloni.  There are no words I can say to help but I hope you have people around you to help you through things xxx

stephanie

BLANKET
Posted by

Hey daloni,

I used to cry uncontrollably after the steroids had worn off & I was on a downer after chemo, so we could drown them with our tears. 

Jerseygirl
Posted by

Everything said is very true, but I think we should also remember that people who have no experience of cancer have no idea what  to say to us. A small minority may make crass unthoughtful comments, but I bet the majority are just trying to be kind and helpful, more advice on what to say , not what not to say , would be good.

Fiona

daloni
Posted by

You're right of course, Fiona, and I'd be mortified if my friends read this page. But I'm enjoying sounding off among insiders, as it were. There's no harm intended. Xx

bonbonlarue
Posted by

I'd be more than happy for any acquaintance of mine to read this page. Honesty should not be hidden.

x

Bon

Wake up, still breathing...it's a good day.