Emotional issues

Cancer can be emotionally draining, but sharing your feelings can help you and others in your situation. Talk about it here.

Recent Diagnosis

Posted by

Hi there, I'm new to the community.

On 31st of January 2012, I got a phone call from my dad telling me that he had been diagnosed with cancer in his right kidney.

He had been getting a sort-of health MOT as his doctor had discovered something on his liver - this turned out to be a harmless cyst, but the person taking the scans/pictures of his liver spotted something on his kidney at the same time and so took pictures of that, too. This, unfortunately turned out to be something.

For the time being, it appears to be contained in that one kidney, and doesn't appear to be anywhere else. Which is hopeful. Of course, they can only be certain once they operate on him. Which brings me to my next concern. My dad is 72 and isn't in great health normally - he has suffered from Crohn's disease for about a decade and also has high blood pressure and AMD in one eye. He is also being treated for severe anxiety. This means he is already on a cocktail of drugs for each of these health issues - so I'm worried about the toll that surgery may take on him. Will he be fit? If he's not, and they have to leave it until he is, what if it spreads in that time? Or what if they deem him fit for surgery, and he dies in the theatre because his body can't cope? Or what if they successfully operate, but decide he should have a course of radiotheraphy/chemo/whatever, and that's what finishes him? I have a hundred questions and fears in my head and I can't articulate them.

And my poor sister - she is getting married in April and now we're worried and upset by the thought that there is no real guarantee he'll be there now. My mum seems to be coping, but now she has dad to care for as well as making sure we - her daughters - are okay, and finish helping to organise a wedding. Luckily, my sister's in-laws-to-be have been made aware of the situation, and are offering any support we need, not just wedding-related.

I don't even know if this type of post is allowed - I just wanted to get it out! I haven't been able to fully focus on anything since dad's diagnosis. Unfortunately, that means I haven't fed my guinea pig with any regularity and the laundry is piling up. I'm hopefully going to meet up with my best friend on Saturday. In a wonderful 'coincidence', she is up in Edinburgh for the weekend visiting her dad (she lives in Lancaster), so we have arranged to meet.

I haven't actually seen dad yet since That Phone Call, but Sunday I will be going to visit my parents then.


Apologies for this quite extensive ramble, and love to all. Xxx

Posted by

Dear Seniola....  i'm sorry you find yourself here,,, of course this type of post is allowed ,, its what its for ,,  thats the good thing about it you can come on here and say what you like and not be judged about anything ,, we are all in the same boat in our various different ways,,  i'm sorry about your dad,,, its a rotten time and very scary and upsetting and i can understand all your questions,, at the moment its such early days for you and a lot to take in just yet...  i can't advise on your dad's condition as obviously everybody is treated differently according to several different factors,, when you have a chance would you be able to go to the hospital with your dad and speak to the doctor yourself... its hearbreaking for everyone who finds themselves in this position and i'm sure there are people on here who could maybe answer some of your questions better than me,, my husband had stomach cancer and people on here were all so very helpful and very supportive every step of the way,, unfortunately he lost his battle after 13  months but i still come on here and speak to others that have shared in my troubles this past year,,  its not easy  to focus when your head is swimming and  it is so much to take in,,  as a family we were very open about everything and talked about everything that was going on,, it wasn't easy and very upsetting at times but you do find the strength from within to cope with it ,,, it just takes a bit of time but once you have some solid information things sometimes settle down a bit when you've something more to focus on,,  but come on here and have a moan or a ramble ,, theres always someone about to answer you,,  you are never alone on here ,,, take care love linda xx

Posted by

Dear Seoniola,

Firstly take heart from the fact that this cancer seems to have been found at an early stage. I understand your fears, we all have them, even when assured that everything is OK!

The medical team who will be treating your Dad will be well aware of all his problems and will take them into account when deciding his treatment plan. Waiting is always the worst part of this disease, but rest assured that behind the scenes, things will be happening, but you won't hear of them until certain decisions have been made. But once the treatment plan is made things will happen in the correct order and at the correct times to ensure a successful outcome.

Good luck on this horrible journey and come back anytime. As Linda says, you can say anything here and you won't be judged, but will receive help and support.

Biggest hugs,

Colin xxx