Being hopeful

Oh, , I feel for you. I'm going to ask my GP for a couple of sleeping tablets. Lack of sleep certainly doesn't help with my emotions and thoughts. My husband was different from the lady you saw. He said seeing me cry reassured him of how much I love him and comforting me gave him purpose, but that was in the early days. Now, like you, I hide it from him not wanting to make things worse for him. Thank goodness for an outlet. I think I need to do a lot more walking and looking at nature. And sleeping.

Love and hugs,

LoobyLou x

He’s just gone out for a walk, I think it’s the time he works through his stuff. He actually said to me yesterday, and I quote  ‘he’s ok with his mortality‘ but worries about me. He’s  always been pragmatic but I don’t know if it’s some deep physiological thing protecting him from the reality or really how he feels.If it works for him, great.

It’s so overwhelming isn’t it, the thought of them not being there. Sorry you don’t need to hear my pain, you have more than your own share, I’m hoping it’ll ease with time. I think I need help but I’ll perhaps try counselling first.

I know there’s so many other people going through this, many so much younger with young families. Our daughter and granddaughter live with us and depend on us and so I worry about how this will affect a 4 year old, her own father isn’t great, so grandad is like a father, she adores him.

We walk and swim by the sea regularly, it is a distraction and helps me focus my thoughts on something else but writing down my thoughts, also helps maybe a journal will help me.

I wish I could help others, maybe in time.

Be kind to yourself, hope the pills work.

Big hugs.....Budge

Hi budge13, I feel the same. We're in our 70s so we've had a life together. But you are helping others in writing down your feelings. It lets others know they're not alone and that these feelings are normal. I feel guilty for feeling selfish about being alone, but I know that's normal too. I'm happy to hear your pain, it helps to know that this overwhelming emotion is not just me being wrapped up in myself.

Big hugs, LoobyLou

Oh sweetheart, you’re not being selfish, or wrapped up in yourself, I think we’re both mourning what we thought we were going to share with the men we love, our future plans and dreams, gone. It makes you feel isolated, like no one understands, I understand and your not alone. 

We’re  both 68 been together since we were 22, right now I don’t want to be in a world where he isn’t but I know that’s pain and grief, I have to push all those thoughts away, look after him and support our daughter and granddaughter.

And thank you, today you helped a stranger, your very kind. 

Much love 

Budge  

Bless  you budge13

xx

Hi LoobyLou

How are things, have you managed to get more sleep? I thought about you about 5:30 am this morning when I was thinking too much.

I was tempted to go online as I wanted a distraction from actually thinking but didn’t want to disturb hubby, who has had a couple of bad days and nights, the chemo started doing its thing. He wasn’t ill with chemo last time so my logic is that maybe it’ll do something this time as it’s making him ill, completely illogical I know. Actually I think it’s harder this time as having a stoma and diarrhoea isn’t great.

Big hugs, Budge

Hi budge13, I have got some sleep thank you. Oh, that sounds horrible, I feel for you both. Mine is currently in agony as he can't pee. They still can't decide whether to keep relieving it or put in a stent. I wish they'd just put in the stent and get it done with; at least then he'd be free from that pain. I suppose they're still keeping people out of hospital unless they absolutely have to. Down to the GP in a few minutes for her to provide temporary relief. 

Love and hugs, LoobyLou

It’s awful seeing them in pain, Doctor prescribed hubby some morphine solution which he can take when he needs it.

He has generally always avoided taking any medication but it has made him so much more comfortable. 

Take care, hope you continue to sleep.....Budge x

Hi LoobyLou,

I thought I’d just join in this chat as I notice you mentioned about stents for your husband. My husband just had two fitted two weeks ago for same reason, well he was peeing an egg cup full at most but every 45 mins through the night! Although he now has tablets for a urine infection the stents seem to have done the job. He is by no means better but certainly appears to be improving his pee problem as the days go by. 

Just thought I’d share that in case he does end up having them. Our hospital were great, got him in quick and did it as a priority as they said he couldn’t have gone in much longer without them, his kidneys had got very inflamed!

Thoughts are with you both.

Thank you bramblejoo, it has turned out to be an infection this time and is clearing up, thank heavens. It's good to hear that your husband is improving, it's just so worrying and distressing when they're suffering. I hope he continues to improve.

Big hugs, LoobyLou