well, like many of you I’m sure, I never expected to find myself here.
I am caring for my mum who is 77 and diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia last year - Friday 13th sept just to give it an extra kick in the pants !!!
yesterday mums lovely consultant talked to us about a DNR and despite knowing that her diagnosis is terminal it has hit me like a tonne of bricks. There have been so many ups and downs so far but I am so very tired. I am also a health professional and so everyone relies on me to pass on and soften the blow of the information we are given.
Covid has robbed us of precious time and the chance to do things while she is well enough. I hate it when people talk about “making memories” it’s so irrational and I know people mean well but I just want my mum to be there for all the usual stuff and have the chance to take it all for granted in many ways. Treatment has continued throughout but I am struggling so much with the anxiety of working in a hospital and having to take mum for treatment and transfusions etc and that if the cancer doesn’t get her I will infect her with Covid !!! I have no one else who can take her and do her shopping and housework etc.
Does anyone else spend so much energy feeling guilty ?? Or am going mad ?
I am so scared of what is to come. I know my mum will want to stay at home in the end.
