my partner is having chemo for advanced pancreatic cancer which is now in his liver,he is remaining strong and upbeat,I am trying to do the same but it isn't easy how do you manage living day to day?
My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable stomach cancer Christmas Eve! The first couple of months were the worst while he had various tests but then palliative chemo started in Feb and that had been our new normal. Maybe once or twice a month if I push to hard (I’m working full time from home) I’ll have a mini meltdown or a day of crying but generally we both just support one another as much as possible and take things one day at a time. We try and enjoy little things like a walk in the sunshine and talk about trips away to keep us upbeat, not really knowing what the future holds. He’s only early 50s and I’m mid 40s so this has knocked us for six.
i get through by talking to people openly about things and how I feel and just keeping busy looking after my lovely hubby.
Hi bramblejoo,thanks so much for your message it really does help hearing from people in similar situation,we are doing the same sort of things as you and your husband we enjoy having a walk by the sea and trying to live day by day and not thinking too far ahead,take care be kind to yourself as it seems like you are coping like me as best you can.
It’s good to share stories, no matter how horrible they are. Just knowing others are feeling the same way stops me going mad! I spend a lot of time contemplating how my life is going to be in the future as I’m likely to be on my own. Then I feel terribly guilty as my husband is still with me. Sometimes the hardest thing is not knowing how long we have, months, years, who knows. It’s like living in limbo but you just have to go with it.
I’ve requested you as a friend so please feel free to private message me whenever you like, we’re all going through this together x
I just stumbled on this thread and I can totally identify with what you are both saying. My husband has been diagnosed with a brain tumour (glioblastoma) which is inoperable. He had radiotherapy and chemotherapy and has had a year free from treatment with the tumour being stable. In April this year his routine scan showed the tumour had grown so he’s back on the chemo. I’m really struggling this time. We both knew that this is what our future held, but somehow this is worse than the initial course of treatment. Every little thing that happens worries me, and I’m immediately thinking the treatment is not working and what he is experiencing is an advancement of the tumour. We’re both 41, and I catch myself wondering what will happen to me after he’s gone, how will I cope with the loneliness. Then I’m overcome with guilt, it’s not me that is going through this, and I feel so selfish. We are pretty open with each other, but this is the one thing I can’t talk to him about. I try and remain upbeat with him, he needs to keep strong, but I feel sick most of the time. He has a scan in the next couple of days and we are meeting his oncologist on the 18th august, so we will know where we stand then. I don’t know how I will react, whatever the news. It’s just me and him, we weren’t lucky enough to have kids. I feel lost, but your right, hearing other people’s stories is a comfort, reminding me that other people are going through similar things.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I do understand how you feel. As much as you’re doing everything you can for your husband but it is only natural to worry about your own future. I find myself doing it all the time, despite trying not to. And the worry you constantly feel about your husband I totally get. I think I must drive my husband mad sometimes with all the questions, do you feel sick? Does your stomach hurt? Have you had enough to eat/drink? Are you in pain? It’s a nightmare that sometimes feels like it will never end. You don’t want them to get worse and suffer but you also don’t want them to leave you. I find myself being terribly clingy some days. Please do update us after your husband ha his scan results xx
hi nicAitch,I`m glad that hearing about other carers experiences is of some help.I try to accept what is happening even though it`s something I never imagined would happen to us.I feel exactly the same about the guilt but I`m learning to live with it,we have an oncologist appt coming up,good luck with yours.Try not to think too much about the future enjoy the time you have now with your husband I know it`s not easy but it seems to work for me.
Came across your stories and I know exactly how you all feel. My husband was diagnosed with GBM4 in Sept 19, given year life expectancy, but we decided statistics are just that, so try and make the best of every day. When I think of the end/future it just breaks my heart. I do try and focus on the now but we all have those moments when your mind takes you to some very dark places (usually in the early hours, last night was bad for me). We all wish we hadn't comes across these posts and life was different but it's reassuring to know others are here. nicAitch our husbands have the same, will be thinking of you re results day. Take care everyone, love Lisa x
your post struck a chord with me. My wife has stage 4 bowel which has spread to lungs and liver. I’m distraught and feel so guilty when I think of a future without her. We are both young and have three very young kids.
I’m sorry you have had to join this group! I do understand what you are going through right now. Have they given you a prognosis? Are they treating your wife? Please don’t feel guilty though, it’s a natural reaction to think about the future and I think we’ve all had moments where we’ve tried to imagine our lives alone, almost as a way to try and prepare ourselves, not that we ever really can I guess.
My husband has been poorly recently, the cancer is now pushing on his kidneys so they had to rather quickly fit some stents as he got rather ill. We have call with oncologist tomorrow and then fingers crossed he’ll be trying a new chemo soon as last one didn’t work all that well. All the time has had treatment I feel more secure, but we’re both dreading the day when they say they can’t do anymore, and not knowing when that is seems to be a huge mental battle.
Hi all, it's really helpful reading people living through the same terrible things. Ive had the exact same thoughts in panic about a future without my wife, then stunned with guilt about the fact that really I shouldn't be the one complaining in that story.
I think it's a natural thing to process all this by bits. It comes I waves of anger, despair, then slow acceptation. Doesn't make it any easier.
