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Husband has been given less than a year to live

Mand14
Posted by

Hi

We seen the oncologist last week and were told that my husband of 20 years only has about a year to live.Since the appointment I have felt so sad and almost sick in my stomach constantly.I think I am terrified how will I cope and get through this?Our daughter is 15 I just don’t know where to start?

Thanks you 

Amanda x

Mand14
src60
Posted by

Hi Amanda,

Sorry to hear about your husband, I can remember how worried I was about my wife but she never wanted a prognosis and it worth sometimes remembering that a prognosis is at best an educated guess. What many people say is to try to take things one day at a time as somedays are likely to be better than others.

How is your daughter coping? Is she getting good support through the school; we have a son also 15 and school are being really good with him. There is quite a lot of information here about talking to children and teenagers about cancer.

When we were talking with Michael we asked him if he had any concerns, he asked what if something happened to me too (my health has not always been perfect) and fortunately we had considered this years ago - Janice's brother had agreed to take care of him and now their adopted son has also said he will look out for Michael too.

Do post on here whenever you need, we make a great team and the old saying of a troubled shared can come really true.

<<hugs>>

Steve

LoobyLou49
Posted by

Hi , I am so sorry to hear your news. You will get through it; we all do, no matter how much it hurts we somehow manage to keep going. It's a strange thing but there always seems to be a bit of extra strength deep down. Your daughter will keep you going because she needs you. At the same time I completely understand feeling 'sick in my stomach constantly'. Each time my husband has been diagnosed with another cancer( he's had three cancers in two years and still has one) I feel the same kick in the gut. It's hard to hear 'incurable' and I can only imagine how awful it must be to hear your husband doesn't have as long as you always believed you'd have together. When you feel strong enough, I can provide links to the practical side of such a prognosis but for now I'm thinking of you and sending you much love.

Love and hugs,

LoobyLou
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Andrew1000
Posted by

Hi

Really sorry to hear about your husband. I have a 17 year old daughter and she has taken her mum's diagnosis (lung mets) understandably quite badly. I wish I had the answers - all I can offer is my support in helping you through this time.

Take care

Andrew

Mand14
Posted by

Hi Steve,

Thankyou so much for your reply. I’m so sorry that you are also in a similar situation.I also have a chronic health condition so I think our daughter molly does worry about if anything happens to me who will care for her . I’m lucky that I do have sisters and older nieces who will look out for her.

The school have been ok  but she isn’t very good at telling people when she feels sad or scared and puts on a happy face .Probably has got that from me tho .We have talked today and she says she cries every night in bed and is scared dad will die when she does her GCSE’s and then she will fail them.Although the school have said she is doing amazing I will speak to them tomorrow to see if they can offer her some reassurance.

Thankyou some much for the link I will have a read.

much love 

Amanda x

Mand14
Mand14
Posted by

Hi Andrew.

Thankyou so much for your reply and I’m sorry to hear about your wife.Its just heartbreaking isn’t it .17 is still so young so no wonder your daughter has taken it badly.Molly is 15 and appeared to be managing ok but then she will just have these major emotional outbursts but afterwards I feel better that she is talking to me.

Do you ever get scared about the future and being on your own ?i think that alongside how molly will be affected that is my worry which I guess I need to try and take it a day at a time.

Thankyou again for your support 

much love 

Amanda x

Mand14
Mand14
Posted by

Hi Loobylou.

Thankyou again for your wonderful advice and support.I think sometimes just knowing someone out there knows exactly how I’m feeling and it makes me feel less frightened.

I know I have to be the strong one and keep going for everyone and have done for the last 2 years .

please do send me the links about the practical side of things as it’s definitely something we need to think about and I may feel better once I have some plans about what we need to think about and get a bit organised.

much love 

Amanda x

Mand14
LoobyLou49
Posted by

Hi , as requested Amanda, links to the practical side.

This guide is filled with useful information, while here is about coping with the advanced stages and this one looks to how to cope with it all further on.

You are very brave Amanda, I'm so proud of you, if it's alright to say that.

Sending much love,

LoobyLou
If you find dust in my house, write your name in it. When the signatures overlap I'll get the polish. 

Click here to see how to add details to your profile. It helps everyone to see a little about you

Andrew1000
Posted by

Hi Amanda

Yes, I am very scared at the thought of being on my own. But I'm not on my own yet and so I'll enjoy the time we still have together.

The whole situation is heartbreaking and it's incredibly hard to be strong for your children when it constantly feels like you've been punched in the stomach. 

Do your best to keep going and give me a shout if it gets too much.

Take care 

Andrew

Mand14
Posted by

Hi Andrew 

Thank you for your kind reply.Yes I can relate to that feeling of being punched in the stomach.

How is everyone coping with lock down?.In some ways everything feels more intense and stressful at home.I guess because I don’t get to go and have that me time which kind of refreshed me whilst I’m looking after my husband.

Also with my daughter being at home she is much more emotional which is really difficult as she hasn’t got the distraction of school.

My thoughts are with everyone 

Much love 

Amanda 

Mand14