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Partners recovery.

Anais0308
Posted by

My partner has recently undergone a double mastectomy about 5 weeks ago. He has been very private about it and he tells me on a need to know basis what is going on.. it's his way of dealing with it, which I have to respect but I feel so out the picture especially in terms of helping him in recovery. He does seem to have recovered fairly well, however over the last 2 weeks he has been less patient and a lot more stressed. As I suspected he is struggling to come to terms with how his body looks this far. He had a nipple and skin sparing mastectomy the scars are almost hardly visible now and the bruising has all gone although he did suffer a haemotoma which has left his right side slightly swollen. I am personally in awe at what an amazing job the surgeons have done and genuinely think that there is not a great difference but he is so upset and stressed by it. The hospital have attempted to drain it but hasn't worked and have told him that no more can be done other than to let his body heal itself. Can anyone tell me are there any other options for him, are than any practically tips for at home to help him with this. Any information or anyone who has had a similar experience I would be incredibly greatful for your advice. Thanks in advance . 

Dreamthief
Posted by

Morning 

Sorry to see you joining this particular club and reading about your husband :-/

Male breast cancer is so very uncommon only 450 cases a year in the UK compared to over 50,000 women so he may feel mentally freaked out by this or really unlucky.  There have been a few men with BC here but none recently you could 'chat' with to my knowledge.

Is he stressed out because of any further treatment being offered like chemo, radiotherapy or daily hormonal therapy tablets for instance ? If he is taking hormonal therapy tablets these can cause quite a few varied emotional side effects.

Feeling down post surgery is totally normal - He must be wondering what the heck just happened now he has time to reflect on all this now the dust is settling. Probably thinks his body has let him down and has lost trust his body to run like a swiss watch.

Most haematoma's are left to be absorbed which can take quite a while, if the fluid is drained it only makes space for more fluid to collect and draining them can actually cause a risk of infection.

Don't know if there has been breast, ovarian or prostate cancer in his immediate family but has he been BRCA tested by any chance ?

Hugs, G n' J

Anais0308
Posted by

Hi G n' J, 

Thanks for getting back to me . 

He is not telling me about any further treatment at the moment so I can't comment. It is possible he is recieving treatment (or may need further treatment) and not telling me as only found about the operation days before he was having it and even then he told me it was for something else. It has come as a complete shock to me and his family, I have had no time to prepare for this and I have very little knowledge of what is/might be going on and as I said I usually find out when he has no other choice but to tell me. He won't have me go with him to any of his appointments, and he rarely wants to speak about it and when I try he gets too upset. I don't want to push him because I don't want any unnessacary stress for him but I also feel very left out and incredibly worried. I want to support and be there for him as much as I can but not knowing much I feel a bit out of my depth. I had to explain to his family what has happened and Iv talked to them about possible risks to them according to his family there is no history of breast cancer in the family. I have no idea what tests he has had I don't think if he was offered a BRCA test that he would have said no. 

Thanks again X 

Dreamthief
Posted by

Hi

Thought you may have had a couple of 'me too' replies by now :-(

Unfortunately some people when diagnosed just want to crawl under a rock while they deal with this on their own in their own way, which is an emotional letdown for those wanting to care and support them.

The other side of the coin is that they push close friends or partners away either to protect them or encourage them to pull out of a relationship as in their heads they are 'damaged goods' or using cancer as an excuse to pull the plug on what may have been an already a partnership with cracks in it.

Not saying this is the case with you but these are just some of the more common causes mentioned here previously.

Unless you can get him to open up I can't see this situation changing - like the old story says you can lead a horse to water etc.

Wish you well in your quest to be involved and hope you can both make this work.

Hugs, G n' J