How to cope with doing things for the last time

Hi my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer last February and was given a year. He has had a cycle of chemo and has responded brilliantly. As Christmas approaches I can’t help thinking will this be the last together. I just feel like it is a time bomb waiting to explode as we know it will start growing again but don’t know when. We stay positive and make the most of every moment. Xx

  • I feel the same! This is probably his last Christmas!! I have bought a real tree and trying to be festive! In fact I would rather just hide away!!!  I can't because I have two children but struggling with the norms like shopping! I usually enjoy this and am normally wrapped by now!!! No where near it, this year! 

    I am worried he willhit the bottle despite being told not too!!! I can't lie for him but they don't seem to notice,! It could be another miserable year!!! He always ruins it somehow!!! 

    Trying to make an effort but I feel lonely! 

  • Hi Akela. I have just read your latest post. Please don't look for the bad things for the kiddies sake. Christmas is supposed to be magic for them. If he hits the bottle there are places to turn to. The local hospice will help.  I myself have done nothing this year due to my wifes sudden decline and then being told by the Hospice she has months left. I am Lonely everyday due to her being asleep. I get through it by talking to people on here. I somehow dont think she will last until Christmas. Yes it's hard, but remember the Little Ones.

    God Bless and Chin Up.

  •  Hi Akela

    Just read your reply. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. This time of year is hard especially when you have little ones! I am sure you will give the children a wonderful Christmas one that will join all the other memories. This year my husband is fortunately well and able to enjoy all the festivities. Our children are grown up now with children of their own. I know how busy you must be what with Christmas plays, parties, shopping, wrapping etc etc. Try to give yourself a little me time to recharge your batteries.

    I find it’s not just Christmas but all the silly things like will he see the next series of Doc Martin or Strictly!! Or will he see the bulb we planted come up! 

    Take care Akela.

    We will thinking of you all. 

    Anne

  • Sorry I didn't mean to mislead! My chdren are from my first marriage! They are 20 and 16! But we all still miss their dad at Christmas too, he died 6 years ago! I over compensate for this! Christmas is hard because of this already and because my current husband who now has terminal lung cancer also has PTSD and binge drinks especially at Christmas!!! This has partly due to.some of his issues with his own children, now adult but we have now built bridges there because of the cancer! Hopefully this will help! We actually live apart because of the PTSD but still have a relationship so I am caring for him, two homes and working 30 plus hours a week! 

    He is now on palliative chemotherapy and can not have immunotherapy because of the drinking! Here is hoping for a sober Christmas! X

  • Hi It’s still hard whatever age they are. You  have such a lot going on! I guess they won’t be in the nativity play!! I bet you are still a taxi service. 

    Hope it’s a good Christmas! And sober. Xx

  • Only a taxi for my daughter! My son drives and had his own car! I only taxi him at ridiculous hours occasionally!! He walks if he drinks usually! But I would rather collect him secretly and know he is safe! Lol.

    No nativity play although my daughter is doing GCSE drama this year! 

    We went for a review today! Hopefully battling on with the chemo for now and he wants it to help so us generally being good! So fingers crossed! 

    Have a good Christmas too xxx

  • Only a taxi for my daughter! My son drives and had his own car! I only taxi him at ridiculous hours occasionally!! He walks if he drinks usually! But I would rather collect him secretly and know he is safe! Lol.

    No nativity play although my daughter is doing GCSE drama this year! 

    We went for a review today! Hopefully battling on with the chemo for now and he wants it to help so us generally being good! So fingers crossed! 

    Have a good Christmas too xxx

  • Akela2516. I am so sorry. I wrote one of the posts in the beginning. I thought that your children were Tots. I apologise. I hope they keep giving your partner the Chemo for as long as they can. They may give radiotherapy instead of Immunotherapy. It was working for my wife and has bought us a few more months but sadly Christmas is out this year for us. She is too ill to even eat and she is sleeping all the time now so thats that.

    Make sure that you get some quality time together as a family over the Festive Period and God Bless You All

  • Thank you Billy! I am so sorry you won't get a Christmas! It is so hard being the carer! I really intend to do something in the future to help us carers. We really need more practical support especially with diagnosis! 

    You sound very alone!

    I probably mislead about my children! They are my world! My son is 20 so a young man and I am very lucky. He is a hard working very level headed young man and along withy dad a rock. He never got in too well with his stepdad but has resolved that now so hopefully Christmas will be ok. I have bought a big (too big really) fresh Christmas tree! My two have never had a real tree! They lost their dad 6 years ago. So Christmas can be hard anyway. 

    I don't have all my presents bought yet but getting there! But husband had his second treatment yesterday! Has not had any sickness this time! Is on the steroid high ATM! Lol. Now we have the drugs and know what to expect we were more prepared! It was a shame first time that we did not have the right info! So onwards and upwards! 

    I so hope your wife slips peacefully away when it is her time. Take care xxxx

  • Akela, Thank You for your reply. I am alone here but have a great friend on this site. Everything is ready for my wife,lover,& best friend to go peacefully and painless. I will miss her terribly but I'm enjoying our last moments.

    Make sure that you all enjoy your Christmas and be Happy.

    God bless you all.

  • Sending you love and hugs Billy xxx

  • Akela. Thank You. Have a GREAT Christmas.

    God Bless You All