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Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Partner diagnosed yesterday - Heartbroken

JJlondon
Posted by

Hi All,

we found out yesterday my partner has secondary bowel cancer. We are waiting to now find the primary source. I am heartbroken. I don’t know what to do.

We have a little girl and I am all over the place. My partner is being absolutely amazing! He’s so strong.

i read online that secondary cancer is basically very very bad (I know, never look anything up online). 

Im just looking for some advice as to when this feeling will ease and what can I do to make sure my partner is ok?

thanks. Best wishes to all! 

Billythedog
Posted by

JJLondon, Firstly let me say how sorry I am to hear about your partners diagnosis. It's awful to be given news like this and let me tell you I will pray that your partner gets all the help he needs to fight this Awful disease. What you need to remember is that as his Carer you need to keep yourself strong too. Speak to his Oncology team at the hospital and they will help you also. They will think that if you are down he is down and that is more work for them to help overcome his illness.

People on this site will be a Big Help as we are all going through similar and support each other. The Macmillan team are at the end of the phone should you need to speak to them. Or us Carers are here to share things. A problem shared is a problem Halved (johnty)

You are more than welcome to message me again even if its for a chat.

God Bless You Both

BILLYTHEDOG
Trentlady
Posted by
  1. I remember vividly the day we received my husbands diagnosis. We had turned up expecting to be given a date for his single primary tumour to be removed. Within less than a minute of entering the room we were told it had spread, was inoperable and incurable. We were hustled out into a beautiful autumn day  and as we got to the car my knees went. I drove us home in floods of tears whilst my husband tried to reassure me. A few days later we began the struggle and resolved to keep going but we occupy a different world, a different planet to the one we were on before. Bless you and yours ,try to eat well and sleep when you can, set aside a room in your home where you are not allowed to think or speak of cancer.
Trentlady
Posted by
  1. I remember vividly the day we received my husbands diagnosis. We had turned up expecting to be given a date for his single primary tumour to be removed. Within less than a minute of entering the room we were told it had spread, was inoperable and incurable. We were hustled out into a beautiful autumn day  and as we got to the car my knees went. I drove us home in floods of tears whilst my husband tried to reassure me. A few days later we began the struggle and resolved to keep going but we occupy a different world, a different planet to the one we were on before. Bless you and yours ,try to eat well and sleep when you can, set aside a room in your home where you are not allowed to think or speak of cancer.
JJlondon
Posted by

Thank you both so much for your replies. It’a nice to know there are people you can reach out to. I’ve seen some good advice on these forums iro how to be there for your partner so I’ve taken that all on board. 

I hope you both find some comfort and I wish you both well. Xx

Mountains2019
Posted by

I have just joined the site for similar reasons. With a young baby and my husband having just been diagnosed, I also do not know what to do. I can't offer any advice, but I'm thinking that perhaps knowing we our not alone with these feelings at this horrific time might, in time, be a small comfort.

Mountains2019
Posted by

I have just joined the site for similar reasons. With a young baby and my husband having just been diagnosed, I also do not know what to do. I can't offer any advice, but I'm thinking that perhaps knowing we our not alone with these feelings at this horrific time might, in time, be a small comfort.

Billythedog
Posted by

Hi Mountains2019. Firstly I'm sorry that you find yourself on this site due to your Husbands recent diagnosis. As carers and sufferers of the big C we are all here to help and guide you with whatever we can do. Just be there for your husband and carry on being a Caring wife and things will run okay. It's a long fight but you take it easy and dont let it get you down.

God Bless to you and your hubby and stay strong

BILLYTHEDOG
Cyprusfan
Posted by

You really aren't alone. I am in a similar situation  our son is 25 and diagnosed 4 weeks after graduating this July. Diagnosed the 25th August its seared onto my brain. He has acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. Words I never thought I would say. Its hard keeping strong for them. Try and keep things as normal as possible. We have removed the huge tablet basket out of sight. It was on our lounge table we didn't want it looking to medical. 

If you need to chat always here .  It's so surreal I am.even on this site 

Hayley 
Sly Cooper
Posted by

I just joined. It's so sad to read all the stories. It's comforting that the community is here. 

My hubby had a history of bad backache. Then suddenly we thought the painkillers destroyed his stomach. Multiple trips to emergency and back with different prescriptions and all over again until finally admitted. He was diagnised with Inoperable pancreatic cancer. 

Pain can only be managed in hospital, cemo starting soon to help with pain. And yet he is positive and happy to see me and the kids. I can barely cope. 

I knew I loved him madly. I know the pain of losing loved ones. And to cancer too. But this is just sooo bad. 

Needing friends
Posted by

Just a message to say that we are thinking of you all. My partner too has terminal pancreatic cancer. These forums and macmillan have been such a support for me, and I hope to you. Reach out for that help. Much love Pam xx

Love is eternal
Sly Cooper
Posted by

I am a bag of mixed emotions. I guess it is the start so need to get used to it. 

Hate meds but taking some gently to help me cope. 

Thank you so much for your reply. The world seems a bit less hostile and lonely now. 

Xoxo