Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Looking after husband

violet1962
Posted by

My husband was diagnosed with throat cancer almost 30 years ago. He had radiation treatment & all was good until 2 years ago when he developed a more husky voice than normal & was finding it more & more difficult to swallow. After numerous appointments he was diagnosed with cancer of the larynx. April 2018 he had his voice box removed & stomach pulled up into his chest. Lots of complications mainly due to the previous radiation treatment. He is unable to swallow (even his saliva) & has to use a suction machine. During all the tests he had it was discovered he had emphasema which at the time wasn't causing any problems at all. Now, however is a different story. He coughs all the time & because he has a tracheostomy the secretions have to be suctioned through that. Recently a lump appeared in the stoma which results of a biopsy showed abnormal cells. A further biopsy is being done next week & the consultant is 99% sure it is cancer again & no treatment will be available because of the the problems he has & has had.

How do we cope, we have been in a living nightmare for 2 years now. It is absolutely heartbreaking to see someone you love & have been married to for 36 years suffering like this & it is looking as though the last 2 years have been a waste of time as he has had no quality of life whatsoever. He is putting on a very brave face for me & our daughter but I've known him long enough to know it isn't real.

Any advice as to how I/we cope with this would be very welcome.

Violet1962
Granny Sue
Posted by

Hello Violet what a hero your husband is and what he has endured is beyond belief have they said your husband is pallitive now ? If he is then get your g.p to refer you to the local hospice .They are amazing and give support to the whole family .They can sort out pain relief provide day services if your husband wants and also help with financial referals if needed .I really understand when you say about the quality of life versus all the proceedures .My Billy has endured an oesphagectomy chemo radiotherapy neutrophenic sepsis two awake  brain surgeries and two lots of stereothatic radiotherapy.Now he is losing his speech he cant read or write properly and dosent eat much and every night is is hacking and coughing up phelgm and saliva .He isnt having any more treatment we will just deal with the symptons as they arise .Best of luck to you keep posting we are here for you xx

Granny Sue

violet1962
Posted by

Hi, thank you for replying. It hasn't been confirmed yet but the consultant said there wouldn't be any more treatment.

As poorly as he is people say he looks really well but he is being fed through a tube straight into his small intestine & it is 1000ml of pure goodness every day so he will look well.

I find it very difficult to talk about the situation with him, not just because he can't speak but he tells me what he thinks I want to hear!

When the diagnosis is confirmed I will speak to our GP, I also need to speak to them about some help as I am exhausted.

Take care x

Violet1962
Granny Sue
Posted by

You are welcome .Also the Macmillian helpline is good if you need to have a chat its important not to bottle your feelings up also if friends and family offer help take it .Its important for you to have support as well as caring is exhausting and the emotional toll of watching someone you love enduring all they have to is really hard .I think you could ring your g.p today and get the ball rolling Paliitive care is supporting people with life limiting illnesses and their carers .Cancer is very isolating for the person with the disease and their carers and loved ones and it takes over your life its also very unpredictable and we dont know how it will unfold .You are not alone everyone on this forum. knows how you feel and we stand beside you lots of hugs xx

Granny Sue

violet1962
Posted by

Thank you x

Violet1962