Angry about my husbands diagnosis

You are on the right site we all help each other here and totally understand how you feel .I just think we muddle through sometimes better than others  The helpline is a good way to start also do you have a maggies center where you are. Specialist nurses should also be available to you basically keep ringing up ask questions until you feel happy with what they are telling you .Its often easier when they are having trearment as its something to focus on .To be honest its afterwards that you can feel a bit adrift .Just carrying on with everyday life doing mundane tasks meeting friends if you can  There are relaxation programmes you can try as well .We carers arnt very good at looking after ourselves but eventually if we dont it catches up with you  .Very often its more of an endurance test and we just have to keep puttung one foot in front of  the other .You can post here anytime we will help you take care lits of hugs Sue x

Hi Sue, I haven’t heard of a Maggies Centre but I can ask on the unit, next visit. Thanks for making me feel normal!  I didn’t know this group existed either, so I will definitely keep it up. Keep putting one foot in front of the other....that’s good x Many thanks for posting to me. X 

Hi nannafizz. I know exactly how you feel. It has been 3 weeks since my husband was told there is nothing more they can do and he has a few months at best.  The first week was a storm of pain tears anger confusion devastation and fear. I spent a lot of time trying to support my adult children friends and family with their grief not to mention my husband. Now the storm has passed we are into a routine of Marie curie nurses excellent support and community nurses for treatment. 

my husband and I talk a lot about how great our marriage has been how lucky we were and reminisce. We plan for my future when he has gone.  Nothing like the one we planned together   Often we cry for the loss of that future but then we carry on with normal stuff like watching football. I know the road ahead is hard but we have no choice and must travel it. I wish you all the comfortable and strength you can both find for your own personal journey. Look after yourself. 

NannaFizz

Just to add to Granny Sue's information this will give you more information about  Maggies Centre's all you need to insert your postcode to find if you are lucky enough to have one close to you.

Ian

Hi Lam a nurse too, I am also struggling with this ! My husband has stage 4 lung cancer! We are supposed to know what to do but it is our lived one so we don’t!!! I have spoken a FW times to the support line and I find that the most helpful as I don’t know anyone there! 
my first husband died at the the hospital where I worked and where my husband is now being treated! This is overwhelming me! I am scared witless he will die there too! I can not give up my job and the constant last minute appointments are really stressing me out! It feels disorganised and as if there is no regard for us! 
so although I do not know how to advise you I can empathise with you. Take care xxx

Hi, thanks for getting back to me.  I’m so sorry to hear about your husband too. My husbands is bowel, with ‘some spots on his liver and lungs’, a diagnosis that came out of the blue because he was so fit, strong and healthy.  As a nurse I keep thinking ‘what did I miss? I must have missed SOMETHING ‘ but until he started vomiting, there was nothing to see. I’m an experienced nurse and feel so, so guilty. I’m off sick at the moment, scared to let him out of my sight and chemotherapy, although palliative isn’t my area of expertise at all.  My heart goes out to you, I don’t know how you’re still managing to go to work because my head is totally wrecked.  All I can seem to do is go from hour to hour. I don’t know what FW is? I feel like I need to speak to someone or I will explode because he is my priority, not me.  I understand you feeling scared witless too, it’s a living nightmare. I feel like I am mourning him already when I shouldn’t be. 

I can only suggest that all of us in this position, try to take it day by day or deal with the morning, then the afternoon. Someone said, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. That’s all we can do.

take care of you too x 

Thanks so much, I will definitely have a look and keep my fingers crossed x 

Thanks for those words and I’m so glad that you and your husband have come to that understanding but so, so sad that you’re at this stage in your journey.  I don’t know how We will be, as he has only just had his first course of chemotherapy.  I feel like I’m still in the eye of the storm and we can’t even talk about it much at the moment.  I feel very angry too at the loss of our future because I had planned to retire early 2020, we were just going to enjoy being together. I missed the retirement cut off at 60 and feel like we have been robbed of years we could have had together. I don’t feel like this storm, this aching fear and pain will ever pass and I’m scared if the future. I’m angry at myself for not being more realistic.  I wish you both peace in the coming months x 

FW was a typo few! I really have to go to work because it is a new job! And he doesn’t have life insurance so I will need money after! I am still bringing up my children! My daughter is in her GCSE year as was my son when their dad died! 
I sometimes wonder what I did in a past life to be so unlucky! I get fed up with people telling me I am a strong woman! I don’t want to be! I just want to be hugged and it all goes away!

i am finding the job is helping abit because it is something else to think about! Just hope I can keep going! My asthma is dreadful! Weirdly I was a respiratory nurse but no experience in palliative care either but I am fortunate that my best friend is a lead nurse in palliative but not local to me! She is going to see us next weekend and make some suggestions! I really feel that the hospital is pushing us along! We feel that we are not given any options! 
I am gutted that I have to work through his first treatment and that I have to allow a friend to go instead but he only had the appointment Friday for Monday and there is nothing I can do about it! These things add to my stress, frustrations and even anger! 
Hoping as we are so busy at work I won’t have time to dwell and can just be there on my day off after the treatment when he may need me more! 
it is certainly hard on the other side! Xx

Hi , I’m sorry I’ve only just seen this because I’m not great with navigating this site and being able to reply.

My heart goes out to you that you can’t be there for your husbands first treatment.  My hubby had his first one on 24/10 . We were there for around 4 hours in total. He is on something called Folfox.  The treatment wasn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be to be honest but he had his Picc line put in a couple of days before. He came home with extra chemo in a little pouch (about the size of a baby’s bottle) that he can wear around his belt, obviously attached to the picc line. The district nurses removed that after 46 hours. Generally he has been ok but a bit of a dip in his mood yesterday. I don’t know if this is as a result of treatment or just events. We felt quite ‘safe’ during his treatment at the hospital and the staff were great, so he will be in good hands. We didn’t know what to expect but the first one has been ok x 

your situation with work and the kids is horrendous! I need to work myself but can’t get my head around much at the moment. Please let’s know how you get on. I’m not going to tell you you’re strong because people say that to me too. I think it’s the way they view us.  So I’m sending you a hug x