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When loved ones are angry

Poppy2019
Posted by

When loved ones are angry, how can we bounce back from when they say cruel things?

Like I hate you.....its your fault.....I dont know why your crying it's not your mum......

My MIL is dying. It's a fact. Shes waiting to be transferred to a hospice from the cancer hospital. 

We got the news yesyratay that its weeks rather an initial thought she had a year.

I had to tell my husband as he works away we tell him any big stuff when he gets home.

Its so hard I love him so much and this is the only time I've finally cried about this, and it's not because shes dying it's because he is so upset. 

Love him and our son.....I've got to tell our son next......how doni even do that. ....

Needing friends
Posted by

Hi poppy 2019, it seems to be a recurring theme this anger, whenever cancer is involved. I am so sorry that you are stuck in the middle and taking all the flack. I try to disassociate myself  mentally from some situations as a means of self preservation. Whether it's the right thing to do i don't know but it helps me and stops me feeling like u can't do anything right. MyOH told me he doesn't know why I am upset as it is him who has the cancer. He is not eating and living on shakes at the moment. I try and tempt him with different things but nothing is right.. I think men often use anger when they are upset and vulnerable, they hurt the ones they love,. I hope that you manage to break the news to your son without too much trouble, those probably aren't the right words but I hope you know what I mean. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and you are not alone 

Poppy2019
Posted by

Thanks so much for your reply. Means alot. 

I get the anger. I get that its gonna be me. It just hurts. Sleeplesss night and headache and upset. For him to not say anything about anything the next day and carry on.

I tried to ask him today how do we tell our son. He just ignored me.

So then I flowed it up with well we will tell him next week when hes finished school for the year. No reply. 

Not sure what to do. What to say. Do I even ask him if hes alright. 

What he forgets is I've been the one at home for 2 years taking MIL to nearly every app, every chemo, everything, visiting the cancer hospital every day when she's been in. 

But I've no right to be upset.

I usually do 5k miles in my little car every year......this year since January to date I've done 6,789miles.

We did the garden together today just weeding and basically picking up after hes cutthe hedges etc. Like nothing mattered.

Thanks again for you reply and hope your having a good day with your husband too.

Docgil
Posted by

I’m having a real struggle dealing with my sister who has terminal cancer. She is really aggressive and saying some really hurtful things to me. You’ve really got to ignore the hurtful angry comments. I think it’s a side effect of the morphine she’s on. I really don’t want to remember her this way. I suppose I’m in the firing line because I’m the one who’s always there for her. Some days I want to scream and run away. I just want someone to text to tell them what a horrible day I’ve had 

Docgil

Needing friends
Posted by

We are only human, we get upset, we get hurt and we need a little bit of love ourselves it's not a one way street. Give yourself a pat one the back and congratulate yourself on a job which is being done MAGNIFICENTLY,,,!. Take time out with a good book  and give yourself a real pampering with the best stuff you have. Go for a lovely walk and take time to notice nature. Feed the birds. Hark at me saying allthis when I told him how grumpy and angry he always is this morning. He wasn't happy obviously, so took Charlie out for a long walk and at the moment I just don't care, let him stew xx

Needing friends
Posted by

Sorry everyone, of course I care, our skins are paper-thin. A good walk heals the sp2 and puts things in perspective 

Docgil
Posted by

You don’t need to apologise. Get it exactly 

Docgil

Docgil
Posted by

That’s the first thing I do when I get home from caring for my sister. Take my dog a walk to clear my head and process the days events xx

Docgil

Poppy2019
Posted by

We didn't tell our son. My husband didnt reply when I asked him should we tell him.

I suggestd telling him once his last week of college is over with.

Again no reply.

At the hospital now and MIL looks pale and her feet are all swollen. Shes just gone down for a scan of pelvis and feet. I read its edema. Anyone heard of  this? 

Needing friends
Posted by

Hi poppy 2019, I think the term is oedema, which I believe basically is a medical term for swelling. It could be caused by many factors. You are working so hard on being there for everyone.. Sounds like a good plan  regarding telling your so at the time you suggested, wishing you a peaceful day xx