Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Struggling

Nancy43
Posted by

My husband is being treated for bowel cancer, which has gone to the lung and liver, has had bowel surgery and two different chemo treatments which didn’t work.     We were given the news on Monday after his latest scan that it has spread and there is not much more they can do.  He has been offered one last different chemo which he is taking, starts next week.    He has been through so much and has kept positive, optimistic and cheerful no matter what has been thrown at him.  He also has prostate cancer, which is responding well to hormone therapy and is type 1 diabetic.    However, I am really struggling although I  try to keep positive for his sake.   I just keep thinking, how much longer can he go on.    How did other carers cope with this type of situation, no one I know understands and friends are gradually disappearing.    We have joined our local cancer support group which I think may be helpful but just living from day to day is so hard.

Any advice gratefully received.

Nancy43
Granny Sue
Posted by

Hi Nancy sorry for your troubles .We have been doing this for nearly 3 and a half years and its pretty tough .Bill is stable at the moment but is not so well as he was a few months ago his primary spread to the brain and he has had rwo brain mets treated by awake brain surgery followed by stereothatic radiotherapy twice .As the origanal brain met grew again on the edge of the removal site of the first one .I think its growing again but wont know for sure until next scan in July .I no longer think of it as a battle but a test of endurence .Its like being in a,storm battling against wind and rain sometimes the sheer force of it takes your breath away . I think I will look back on this time and wonder how the hell I did it but I know I can and in the end you have no choice but to endure each day with as much courage as you can muster .Some days are better than others and you just have to find joy in little things This community will help you we are here any time day or night goid luck and hugs to you both x.

Granny Sue

Nancy43
Posted by

Thank you Granny Sue, my goodness, you have had a lot to deal with.  You are so right, it is just like weathering a storm and we are just taking one day at a time.   We have learnt so much about ourselves since all this happened, I never knew how positive and upbeat my husband could be and I certainly had no idea that I would find inner strength from somewhere....it’s been well hidden up to now.   Like you I look back on the past 18 months and can’t believe what we have dealt with....and we’re still here and plodding on!

Good luck to you both too, x

Nancy43
catcrazy4
Posted by

Hello Nancy93

All I can say is ditto Granny sue!

I'm only 18 months in to looking after my mum (sadly its looks like we're in the last few weeks now). You don't know where the strength comes from but you often find it from the smallest of things - mine tends to be toenail painting,dancing like no ones watching, lovely supportive husband, some parts of the family and a few friends including one particular forum friend.

When the thoughts of I can't cope/go on/deal with this as part of the roller coaster ride that is being a carer I always say to myself 'this will pass' and you just keep going!

You sound as if you've found that within you so make the most of the good stuff and surf the bad. Life is for living, make it count!

I dance like no ones watching, yep I'm the crazy lady in the middle of the dancefloor!

src60
Posted by

Hi , glad you are trying the cancer support centre  I hope you find it as helpful as the support I got at my local Maggies. I did a living with less stress course with them and it really helped me to realise what we have now rather than trying to work our how I will cope when something  happens in the future. Oddly too their were a number of nasty accidents and deaths in the news that also helped to show that we simply do not know what tomorrow will bring. 

You might like to look at our pages on I'm looking after someone with cancer because it can be a really hard job and you have been doing a wonderful job.

<<hugs>>

Steve