Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

How did it come to this?

Bigbayboy
Posted by

We have  been  living with cancer  for 5 years now. Last August  hubby had major surgery which we were told would take about 3 weeks  in hospital and year to recover  if there were no complications.  Ever the optimist,  we can do this.  I would take some time  off work then go back leaving hubby pottering around at home. 10 months later,various complications and surgical wounds have not healed. Mobility very poor. Now work has been great and allowed  me to drop my hours but  I am still trying to fit in all my work into the reduced hours so standards are going down . The plan  was to get hubby out for a walk when I get home at 5 but he is too tired. On my day off we plan to go out but then weather is poor so we don't go(He can't regulate body temp very  well) then next day brilliant sunshine  but I have to go to work.   

So, I am thinking I need to retire, it would be 2 years early.  My practical  side says we can do this but it seems so final. Almost accepting defeat and very frightening.  I feel  I have held our lives  together but I can't keep on at this pace

Have any of you found yourselves in this position?  Sorry  for this very long post. Thanks for reading 

Just keep  going
Needing friends
Posted by

Goh, thinking of you. Haven't found myself in your position yet regarding work. What a dilemma. Is it worth having a heart to heart with work again?. I only work part time but find the break from home is helpful, perhaps that's me being selfish and if or when things get worse I will be in your position. Can mc miilan give you any financial advice? I can tell from your post that you a re a strong lady, keep your chin up and let us know your decision if you want to we all care xx

LoobyLou49
Posted by

Hi and welcome to Carers,

It sounds like it's the emotional and mental stress that's getting you down, and that's hardly surprising given everything you've been through. If you retired early could you pay the extra into your state pension? It might be possible, there's some info here  and on the pensions advisory website and it's probably worth looking into. Your husband's Macmillan nurse might be able to help, or try the Ask an Expert Macmillan page and scroll down to the financial guide expert.

It's bound to feel like 'accepting defeat' but it really isn't that at all. That said, as a retiree, I  completely understand where you're coming from as it's such a big step, but you're being practical in a very difficult situation; you need to think about what's best for you too. Two years isn't such a lot, but retiring takes some getting used to, although you're going to be so busy you won't have so much time to think about it, plus, it will give you some 'me time' that you badly need; even a short break is a godsend. I hope some of this helps.

Love and hugs,

LoobyLou   

 If you find dust in my house, write your name in it. When the signatures overlap I'll get the polish. 

Bigbayboy
Posted by

Thank you for your thoughts. Working less might be an option but we are also waiting for results as it may have spread . suppose  I need to wait just a little  bit longer to see what in store for us next 

Just keep  going
Bigbayboy
Posted by

I have made initial  enquiries about my pension pot but it is yet another job to add to the list. Thank you for  your links and kind  words . A good  day today as we managed to have a day out

Just keep  going
Needing friends
Posted by

Hello there, don't all these things exhaust you. Its as though it takes all your strength and energy away. I think that you are doing the right thing waiting to see what the results are. Take one day at a time x