Worried can I cope?

Hi Reefam,

I am new to this site. I wish I had some advice for you but I do know what you are going through. My mom was diagnosed 2 months ago with stage 4 bile duct cancer that has spread to her liver, pancreas and lymph nodes. It is inoperable and terminal.  She was living alone in Arizona so I brought her to my home in Texas to live with us. I understand your fear of not being able to cope. Hospice came to our home yesterday to talk to us. Moms oncologist said she doesn’t believe chemo is working and gave her a 6 month prognosis, we are shocked and heartbroken over this news. Hospice talked honestly about what to expect as time goes on. I am her primary caregiver and I’m terrified. I am also the primary caregiver to my husband who has COPD, is oxygen dependent and bedridden, so I empathize with you completely. I will be praying for you, your mum and your brother. I apologize if this post is all over the place as I am new at this. If you would like to chat please pm me. I’m always here. Take care

                                DeeDee ️

Hi , You need to ensure that the hospital gets everything in place for you before your mum is discharged. Once discharged they can't help. Ask her GP to refer her to the local hospice who can offer so much help in the home, they're really good with support. Also, does the community hospital have a PALS (patient advice etc)? If so it's usually near the entrance; they can tell you what financial support you're entitled to. Plus you can get carer's allowance if you're a carer for 35 hours a week or more. Carers Trust is great too. Good luck.

Love and hugs,

Hello Reefam, not sure what sort of insight you're looking for but a starter for ten - we all find ways of coping and that we do indeed cope.

My Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer with a 3 to 6 months prognosis that was 18 months ago. I have worked through all of the ups and then many, many downs with the huge support of my employer. Organisation has been the key for me. Mum came home to me and my hubby (he's been my rock of which I'm hugely grateful for) and we weren't really ready with carers etc. All we ended up with was a commode and a bed rest!! So I would say get as much organised and in place as you can (I think I put some of my mistakes on my profile page!). This helps you when the brain fog hits and it will hit and also as you will have your brother to support so think about what you'll need to keep going.

Talk to all or any other organisations that are in your area that support carers. In my area there are 2 organisations recommended by my local gp surgery. After going to our local hospice drop in centre I found one of them giving a talk. This helped me realise they were not what was needed but then after talking with the other organisation it turns out they were what was needed. So a bit of trial and error and talking to people.

All the carers here will tell you to ask for help. I agree but I have found that it needs to be specific. I have ended up with support from a carers support organisation, great help from my gp and the community nurses (districts nurses in old money) and the local hospice community team. Between the hospital your mum is in and her doctor they should refer her/you to the right people.

Hope this helps and remember the carers forum is always here for you day and night!! All the best.