My Wife is Suffering. (and she is stubborn)

Hi billythedog,

so sorry to hear you’re in this nightmare. I wake up everyday and wish that that what it all was, but it’s a living one.

my dad has been in a hospice 3 weeks today. He is deteriorating fast now as this cruel disease is obviously causing problems to other organs in the body.

When I first suggested to my mum that I thought it was time for us to go there, I was met with lots of anger and resentment. My mam relied on me to help her look after him at home, staying over at night time, etc. She accused me of giving up on him and that I couldn’t be bothered anymore. 

it took a lot of persuasion, but when I explained that we couldn’t look after him as well as others could she relented. He was bed bound and we were hurting him, trying to lift him, etc. 

A couple of days after arriving at the hospice, I couldn’t believe the change I saw. He was eating 3 course meals. They even suggested that he didn’t need the liquid feed, he was eating that well. Ive enjoyed my dad, without the worry of whether I’ve mixed that cocktail of drugs, if he needs lifted onto the commode, etc. I’ve been his daughter again. We’ve laughed, cried and just enjoyed him.

My parents have been married 52 years. She has never left his side. She has a bed in his room. The hospice has been a god send. She is his wife again and I am his daughter. There are doctors and nurses at hand 24 hours.

please don’t think that you are letting her down by going to a hospice. To us, it has been a god send.

Thinking of you.

Good morning to you both

Hoping that things eased off a little for you as the night went on.

Please don't look as the hospice place as if you are failing your wife, it will be quite the opposite, your wife will be getting back her husband, you will be able to relinquish the major caring role to the professionals who will truly treat you both with as much dignity as they are allowed.

Leave the medical care to them and you can pick up the "caring, loving side" of looking after your wife knowing that she will be looked after to manage her pain.

Please do think about it, perhaps go along and have a chat with someone at the hospice and express your concerns, I'm sure they hear the same concerns time after time.

Do not think you have failed your wife.

Jackie D

Thanks sbt,

I feel that while I can cope I will. She has cared for me for 25yrs, got me to whom I am today and changed me from a boy to a man.

Every time we hear the song (summer by BOBBY GOLDBROUGH) we howl because thats similar to us. We both feel a Hospice is definately the last straw but it's at the back of my mind, when the time is right.

Thanks again and god bless to both your'e Mom and Dad and Sadly when the time comes please listen to Danni and Lizzie(dancing in the sky) its on You Tube. Its a bit of comfort.

J 

Hi Jackie D, 

Thank you, things finally eased off about 3;30 ish. I understand the hospice's but I need to be the carer as my Lady has cared and loved me for 25 years. I took the vows and I'm sticking to them. The hospice's do enough and the nurses at the hospital have all been spot on with her. When she was admitted 2 weeks ago with nutrapenic sepsis her name was Lovely(not her usual name) which was nice and nothing was too much trouble. 

Thanks for your words

J

Hi Billythedog, I'm sorry to hear what you and your wife are going through. You've had some lovely support, I just wanted to say (you might already know) that the hospice can provide help in the home if you need it. How lovely that you want to be close to her.

Love and hugs,

Thanks LoobyLou

She is my life. I cant think of what i would do without her. I married her at 19 and i have been with her 25 years now. Its her 68th birthday tomorrow and I dont know what to buy her.( what do you get someone who is dying?)

The local hospice are coming to us quite a lot and sorting things out so its under way. They are great!

Thanks again

J