1. How much more is my dad expected to suffer with this cruel disease?? He’s now in a hospice, and it’s just one thing after another. Confusion, hallucinating, afraid to die one minute, constantly asking doctors and nurses how much longer, urine infections, antibiotics. His voice is almost non existent due to treatment on his neck last year and it’s hard to understand him or for him to communicate to us. Yesterday his stomach swelled up. He was in so much pain crying and trying to shout out help. Nurses finally put in a catheter but not much urine came away and they kept saying they would have expected the stomach to go down, but didn’t.
2. Friends??? Yip, well they’ve truly disappeared into the woodwork. Makes me laugh when you reply to their texts “if there’s anything I can do...?” When I do ask, like I asked if they could look after the kids for a couple of hours, so they can do something nice and normal in the school hols, apart from going into the hospice to watch their grandad sleeping/ confused, oh they’ve got plans, which could have included my kids (after I’ve seen their posts on Facebook hours later!!) instead, my kids have spent the 2 weeks of their hols at a hospice. Don’t get me wrong, they want to see him, he wants to see them, but they’ve had no life for the past year ( he’s spent most of it in hospital or been bed ridden at home)
3. Family? Oh my brother has gone off for a city break for the weekend with his family. Must be flippin nice!!! Sends a message once a day asking how his dads been. Then when he’s told, he’s had a bad night/ confused/ in pain ... doesn’t even reply!!
this probably makes no sense. I’m bitter and twisted you probably think.. I think I’d agree with you. I feel so let down by life. Why my dad? There’s loads of horrible people in the world, why not them? This is so cruel and there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it or make it better. It’s like living in a parallel universe, where you’re a voyeur watching others living their lives, whilst your stuck in this hell watching this insufferable cruel disease strip your loved ones of their dignity.
Don’t know where I’m going with this... just want it to stop!!!
Sorry to read this and relate to pretty much all you say. we were very lucky to have one friend who really helped us. Glad to hear he is in the hospice as there will be plenty of people on hand to look after him.
I do not think you are bitter and twisted, just trying your best to cope with an impossible situation, it it easy to feel like an outsider and I am sorry it has had such an effect on your children, our son is far too familiar with the hospital too.
I wish there was a magic wand that could take all this away but I am afraid the best I can offer is that we undersand where you are and offer a massive cirtual hug.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Sbt123,
Just want to say I have also spent the weekend watching my loved one in agony. After letting rip at my dad on a text on Friday morning that he’s not been around he showed up today and had a cup of tea with us but that’s it. My husband has had cancer for 2.5 years and all treatments have failed so he’s now on a trial drug as last attempt. I’m so exhausted. My friends ask what can I do? So I say let’s get together so I can have some time out. Then ‘oh I’m busy this month’ so ok let’s agree another date? No reply. No one likes being round cancer. No one really wants to help. I don’t know how to ask for help without getting really offended when I get rejected so I just don’t bother. I’ve always been stoic but have try and tell people how hard it’s been lately hoping they may actually want to help but it’s just an empty thing people say. Like how are you? When no one really wants the real answer.
Im sorry you have had tough time too! This is a safe place to have a little moan. Which we all need from time to time!
Crappy Easter everyone! 
