How to continue

FormerMember
FormerMember
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So for a long time I have suffered with my mental health, however it has particular gotten worse after my mums first having cancer in her womb. As any daughter would I tried my best to help her recovery from the hysterectomy etc, and was involved in various different mental health groups . Then mum got cancer again in her colon not related to the womb cancer she did so well had another op and recovery quickly. But then my health mentally deteriated and i became very reliant on mum and would have panick attacks going out the door with out her or someone i trusted...... she became my carer then 2 years later she has a check up to find that the colon cancer has come back in her liver..... this time she has to have chemo to see if they can shrink it so they can operate. But it is making her feel so horrid..... and now im the carer, making food, getting her drinks etc. At first I could deal with it and keep emotions in check but last few days it has wore on me more and more . I cannot stop crying and ended up me screaming again like when things were bad before. Its only a week into the chemo and I know it is going get worse...... how can i continue and be the person she needs to be im failing her again. I know it makes her feel worse to see me upset too , but she does not share much apart from saying dont you making me feel sick. I mean i try hide it from her but living in same house makes it hard. I now dont have the mental health support groups eithier, i tried reach out to them with no luck.  I not sure what my gp can do ..... as its a waiting game till i get therapy. I just feel so bad and guilty and wish it was me not her. She does not deserve this.......... i just wish i could be strong 

  • Mental health issues are Just as real as physical issues and I  understand some of your pain if that is not being too presumptuous. You  have so much on your plate, this forum may help a little just writing down your feelings and knowing people are thinking about you and understand . Have you seen your gp and can he recommend any support groups or talking therapy?  Meditation, yoga? Are there any cancer meetings that you  and mum would or could benefit from? Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, just keep your head up and take ond day at a time. Do your best, you can't do any more, if you feel it's not enough perhaps see your gp. I don't pretend I know all the answers, just want you to know that I acknowledge your struggles and wish you and your mum well. 

    Love is eternal
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Fluffogen - I’m really sorry that you are going through such a difficult, not only with your health/mental issues, but having to cope with your mum’s illness too. I wish I could offer some useful advice. Maybe getting therapy might help, but, I realise getting on support groups can be a long wait. Anytime, you want to write how your feeling, visit this site. I visit the site and sometimes post messages if I have something on my mind or feeling low. Thinking of you xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Fluffogen - I am so sorry you are going through so much at the moment. Sending you a virtual hug.

    I wish I knew some wise words or be able to suggest something that would be instant and really helpful. All I can say is to be kind to yourself and take each moment as it comes. It sounds like you are doing the very best you can and that is enough.

    You are right your mum does not deserve this and neither do you. I say that to myself (about my husband and I) so many times. Its a cruel, evil disease.

    Writing down how feels is a way of outing how it is for you. On saturday I was at my lowest, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and sob. I joined this group, read some posts and realised that I am not on my own. The most helpful thing was others putting into words what I could not say but I was thinking.

    Take care xx