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What should I ask the Oncologist with my Dad and ..... my Mum has just been diagnosed too

Gina1969
Posted by

Hello there

Tomorrow I am going to see the Oncologist with my dad (76) who has been diagnosed with lung cancer.  He has a drain which can be removed so that's an obvious question to ask - when can it be taken out!  He was told a few weeks ago, before his scan, that he would be treated by tablet chemo.  There will be a lot of information about results and then a treatment plan discussion?

The other reason for my post is the and .... my mum (also 76) has just been diagnosed with metastatic cancer (lungs and liver).  Her appointment with the Oncologist will be next week TBC.  I am assuming (never good!) that she won't have a treatment plan.

Does anyone have any experience of two loved ones, who would usually be capable of caring for each other, being in the position where they won't be able to.   What are the best questions to raise at these first appointments to make sure we don't start treatment/care with too many assumptions!

I think I am in total shock and running on autopilot, which means that I'm focusing on the logistics of getting to hospital and parking (joy!).  It would be useful to have a few areas that should be discussed. Both parents attended my Mum's oncologist appointment last year, when my mum was treated for breast cancer, so I am really not sure what to cover in both meetings. 

Any thoughts, suggestions or comments gratefully received.  

src60
Posted by

Sorry to read this and hope the appointment went ok today - can relate to the wonders of a drain as my wife is moderaty expert in those. On the chemotherapy front it is never really easy to know how it will affect anyone - my wifes first chemo made her quite nauseous, tired and she lost all her hair. The second type of chemo barely showed any effect at all - except stopping the cancer in it's tracks.

It might be a good idea to look into a needs assesment for your parents, in terms of others who might be affected is it just you or are there and other family?

When both my parents were getting on they moved in to a sheltered hoursing proejct, still living an independent life but with 24/7 on call on site in the event of an emergency - such a releif for all of us in that we could care for them as loving children rather than as a sort of nurse.

Let us know how things work our and we will try to answer next steps - try not to look too far ahead though as that guessing game is never one that works out really well.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Gina1969
Posted by

Thank you very much Steve.

Today went ok. Dad will have the treatment offered, chemo and immuno (?).  It can start before Christmas but we can defer if we need to after my mum's appointment on Wednesday.

I suppose it all hinges on the Wednesday appointment this week!

LoobyLou49
Posted by

Hi ,

How did the appointment go?

Hugs,

LoobyLou   Linda

 If you find dust in my house, write your name in it. When the signatures overlap I'll get the polish.    What is a Community Champion?

Gina1969
Posted by

Thank you so much for asking.

For dad he has chosen to go with chemo and immune therapy.  I think the treatment will start before Christmas.

For mum's secondary breast cancer she was offered chemo and she has chosen the tablet course, which should start before Christmas if her blood results are ok.

We're feeling a little bit better as a family.  Still a long road but everyone is so helpful at the hospital.  The breast cancer nurse is going to refer us to the district nurse next week for support too.

My parents are also feeling more positive so that's a much better place to be in

LoobyLou49
Posted by

Dear ,

I'm so pleased for you that things are easier to handle. I find that when things ease up a little I can feel elated as the emotional pressure valve is released for a while.

'Still a long road', you're so right; it's a marathon and we all get exhausted. I've just taken time out because of it, we're none of us immune. I'm a Christmas freak so the preparation lifts my mood but I know how it can all feel wistfully different; a little regret at not having a 'normal' Christmas. Take whatever mood lifts are available and a big soppy hug from me.

Love and hugs,

LoobyLou   Linda

 If you find dust in my house, write your name in it. When the signatures overlap I'll get the polish.    What is a Community Champion?