Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

As the end draws near I am frightened.

Posted by

Back today from a 10 day break with my family in England but feel I have come back for the final days of my friend's time on earth.  There was a rapid deterioration before I went away and she should really be in Hospice but she is delaying it, I think until I got back so hoping she will go in tomorrow when I get to see her.  I didn't want to come back if I am honest because I had an over whelming sense of gloom on my journey back and shed quite a lot of tears because I knew what I was coming back for.  My mutual friends have all said they are here for me but the selfish side of me doesn't want her to go, I am not ready for her to leave.  I keep crying and feel so sad and out of my depth.

Posted by

Oh Julie, I have been wondering how things were as you have been so quiet.  I completely understand you not wanting to go back knowing what you were returning for.

 I had that sense of forbearing the last time I went to spend time with my dear friend.  I wasn't ready for him to go either.  I hope your friend goes to the hospice soon if that is where she wants and needs to be.  The peaceful environment and the calm caring support will help you as well. The hospice staff will be there to care for your friend and hold your hand and you will find the strength you need, I know you will, you have been such a rock for her.

Sending you a huge understanding hug and we are here for you whenever you want us to listen to you and hold your hand too,

Look after yourself, take some time each day for yourself and let those mutual friends be there for you too,

Love Hiloa x

Posted by
Just want to say how much of an amazing friend you are. Your friend obviously wants you by her side whatever happens. I can't imagine how sad you feel but you really have been her rock and a truly wonderful lady. Would give anything to have a friend like you fighting my corner. Love and hugs. Jo xxxx
Posted by

As I've said before. what a friend you've been! Thinking about you and sending you strong hugs!   Gaye xx

Posted by

Dear Julie

I too was wondering how you and your friend were and am so sorry that you are both going through this.You really are a wonderful, caring lady and have been so strong and close to your friend.

My thoughts are with you both.  Stay strong.

Love and hugs to you both.

Sandra xx

Posted by

Thank you all for your support and kind words.  I hope she will agree to go in tomorrow but may ring the Hospice before I go to see her to get an up-date on their feelings about things.  I have had a good support from the team at Day Hospice all the way along so know them and know they will be supporting me on this final stretch.  I know my friend is ready to go and to a large degree stopped fighting.  A mutual friend went to see her last week for me and said she was shocked at the deterioration in the last month and felt that she was holding on for my return.  She really enjoyed the time with the mutual friend and her farewell seemed to be her "Goodbye" if that makes sense.  Our mutual friend was rather upset at that but also realises that she has had enough.  

There is little dignity left now for her and I know its time for her to let go but its hard!

I am feeling a bit better than earlier thanks to your support and a 4 hour deep sleep but thank you all for being here, much appreciated.

Hugs to you all too

Sweetju x 

Posted by

Dear Sweetju,

It must be really hard, but you have been such a wonderful friend, so I know you will be there for her right through.....I hope she is peaceful and not in any pain, but hospices are great for ensuring that. 

Sending you big hugs, take care of yourself xxx

Posted by
Sweetju this is so hard for you but you should be comforted by the amazing friend that you have been, and the comfort and care you have provided. You should be so proud. Take care of yourself. I will have limited Internet access for next few days but will check in when I can and will be thinking of you. Hugs and love xx