Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

I'm 16 and my mum's got cancer.

Posted by
Okay, I feel really stupid writing this but I think I really need to speak to someone but I'm not sure who. My mum was diagnosed with cancer in summer 2011 when I was 14 (I'm now 16) and since then she has improved significantly (which, of course, I'm really thankful for) but I'm still so worried. She's a single parent and I'm an only child, so I take on everything when she's ill (I've got family that live near but really have a limited understanding on mum's illness and don't help). Since mum got cancer, I've developed my own issues with depression, self harm and eating, which I am getting "help" for, even though I don't feel at all like it's helping! Even though things are not especially bad with mum at the moment (about as good as they can get anyway), she's just started her third treatment type (lenolidomide) which does seem to have some horrible side effects, I still feel really bad. I feel like people are just kinda forgetting that even though she's not really ill right now, all of these issues are my reality and things I have to deal with everyday. People don't seem to care anymore. And it's so hard knowing that mum's cancer's incurable, I know she'll be desperately ill again in the future. Everything feels like some horrible waiting game. I don't know what I expect anyone to reply to this, I wanted to write it down, but I'm just so unhappy and I really don't think anyone even cares anymore. I just want everything to stop for a while so I can stop feeling so tired and fed up with everything...
Posted by
You are the furthest from stupid you can get! Never think that. I'm not sure what answers I can or anyone else can give but I've found it helpful knowing I'm not the only person out there feeling like I do. I know my situation is hard so I can't imagine how you feel but I've found no matter how bad it gets, no matter how tired I am, no matter how ill stt was, it's so important to just find half an hour to yourself each day and always try and focus on the positives. Some days it's harder to do that than others but my good days give me hope on the bad and something I've said to myself since the very beginning when my husband got sick, was that although you can't see it now, everything in life happens for a reason and there is always a way through. Some people don't understand and really they can't if they haven't been through what we have been through but there are hundreds of people here that know how you feel, maybe most are a lot older than you, but they still understand how hard it is and you can vent your frustrations here and people will listen and offer support. I find it much easier to write than I do to talk and people listen here, it's just a comfort to hear words from others. You are being so grown up and brave, your mum will have the deepest love for you and vice versa, treasure that always and you will get through it. Much luck and love in your journey xx
Posted by
Don't ever feel stupid you sound like you're doing a fabulous job at such a young age. I'm glad that you're getting help for yourself although you don't think it's actually helping but keep it going. Slow down and enjoy now don't let you're mind race ahead. If you need help,make sure you ask. This is such a good place to write down you feel without worrying. We all care. A big hug. Sally
Little My
Posted by

Hi Charley,

Sorry to hear about your mum. I had a similar situation with my mum she got cancer when I was 18 and died when I was 30 so incurable can be a long time! My dad had died when i was 17 too. I noticed how people would disappear inbetween times and not want to remember how things really are. I am glad you are getting help even if at the moment you don't feel like it is working, keep at it.It takes time and keep asking for help if it doesn't help.

I know that feeling so well of just wanting it all to stop for a while. There is an organisation called young carers that are great. You should join them. They are like a youth club kind of thing where others in your situation can meet and chat etc. They do fun things where there is a safe space as you don't have to explain what it feels like as everyone there knows and they give you that moment in the week for it all to stop. They also have people you can talk to etc.

If you have a school pastoral care type person ask them if they can find out where your nearest one is or you could google it for your area.

You don't have to do this on your own. You can get support from people like young carers and other organisations too. And of course, we are all here too.The carers are a great lot and really supportive.

Hang on in there and a big hug

Little My xxx

Posted by

Hi Charley,

Firstly a big hug for doing a grand job. Caring for someone is a hard job and no one should face it alone. If you need help ask someone for it and if someone offers accept it!

If you have difficulty finding a young carers group in you area, you can ring the Macmillan free helpline on 0808 808 0000, open from Mon to Fri, from 9am to 8pm. You will find the nurses there very understanding and they may be able to help - worth a try?

Big hugs and good luck,


Posted by

Hi Charley, so sorry that you have had to join this site but please stay here because it is a fabulous one.

I can't add any more than has already been said; my fellow carers have given some good advice.

You are doing a brilliant job and your Mum will be so proud of you.

Now make sure that you take care of yourself and try to get some 'me time'

Lots of love and hugs.

Sandra xx

Posted by

Hey Charley,

I think you're being really brave, and handling an incredibly difficult situation in a really mature way. It's very frustrating, when you feel like you can't spare anytime for yourself, and you just want things to stop for a while.

It's really important to have some "me-time", and I won't add to what the others have already said, but it's definitely something you should look into.

This forum is great for being able to share and "talk" at anytime of the day, because someone is ALWAYS listening.

All the best!


Posted by
Hello Charley, the organisation called 'young carers' is one you should definitely think of joining, you might find your GP practice has something in that line to help, too, especially if it is a big surgery. Whatever you do, have some time out, when you can do your own thing. Keep posting!
Posted by

Hi Charley

You are most definitely not stupid, so please don't ever think that.  You are just feeling a bit lost and lonely right now and totally overwhelmed by this terrible situation that you find yourself in and have no control over, at such a young age too.  Supporting a parent who is ill is very hard, whatever age you are.

You sound like an incredibly strong young person to me.  You already have support for you, which is great and although it might not always feel like it is helping, please don't stop accessing that help.

The others have mentioned young carers groups, which sound like a great idea. An opportunity to be yourself and meet other people of your own age, who all totally get what you are going through, no explanations necessary and let some of that natural resentment and anger out in a totally safe environment.

Don't stop shouting up for help, that is the sign of a strong person, who knows they have limits and have reached the point where they know they need a bit of extra support.

Now you have found this site, keep posting.  There will always be someone here for you.

Sending you a virtual hug love and hoping you can feel it xx