Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Where do I start.........................??????

Posted by

Having a really bad day today! My story, in the briefest possible way, is that my husband was diagnosed with inoperable nsc lung cancer in Jan 2010, a brain tumor in Sept 2011 ( remove Feb 2012) and leptomeningeal disease in July 2012. We have two boys now aged 11 and 15 and today I am finding it really tough! He has had the BEST treatment possible thoughout the last three years and for that I am very grateful but now with only weeks to live I am struggling. We have just had the most fantastic christmas and been able to put out of our minds that this is the 'last one' and the boys even managed not to fight!! Now I am face with new year..... So how do I look back at 2012, the worst year of my life, and look forward to 2013, the year my husband and the father of my children is going to die???? This is soooooo hard. I have posted this because for quite a while now I have been reading posts and getting some comfort from knowing that other people know how I feel but now need as much support as I can get and hoped I may find it here. Sorry for being so dependant but that is where I am right now..........................

Posted by

I was so sorry to read your post. I lost my husband on 30 September this year. We knew his cancer was back last November and also knew that last Christmas 2011 would be his last. We too had a lovely family Christmas (I'm a little older than you, 56). We had to sort a lot of things out this time last year ie make wills and we have a property abroad so had to go out to Cyprus to sort things out there. I so feel for you but can re-assure you that you will cope (I never thought I could!!!) but here I am now surviving my first Christmas without my lovely hubbie. I have two children, boy and girl, 31 and 27 and they have been such a comfort to me, I also have a lovely grandaughter aged 2 and a half and she really has been such a joy. My daughter in law has also been such a wonderful support to me. Here I am, 3 months on, I don't know how I got here but I have and I know you will too. It won't be easy but you will do it, you have two lovely children so they will keep you going. You will do it - i'm living proof. God bless you and your family and your lovely husband. 2012 was my worst ever year. Be strong, you can do it. Love Kay x

Posted by

Welcome to the forum, but sorry that you find yourself here. You have done the right thing in posting your message, and you will receive as much support as possible from the great people here. Please don't apologise for needing to do this, it is completely natural that you feel as you do at the moment. Kay has given you some lovely words of support from someone who is a little further down the road, and I can't really add anything more useful than that. It is wonderful that you have had a good Christmas, and the memories of that will be such a strength to you in the future. Focus on each moment that you have together now, and know that you will find the strength and courage, as you obviously already have in dealing with your husband's illness, helping your children, etc. Come back to the forum as often as you need xx   

Posted by

Hi Jeanette

You have started already and what a fantastic job you are doing.  Caring for your husband and children through such difficult times.

You say 2012 was the worst year of your life, but you managed to make a fantastic christmas for your family, full of special moments and precious memories.  I have no doubt that through this year, you made lots of other special times too and all those times have precious memories attached to them too.  It may not seem like it right now, but when you look back on them, although they may be 'tinged' with sadness, they will be special and will carry you through some of the darker days you may face in your future.  You will continue to make special times and precious memories too.

Somehow, you will stay strong, even when you think you can't carry on for a single minute more and you will be there supporting your children when they are feeling lost.

I hope that you have special people in your life, family or friends, who will be able to hold your hand and support you when you are wobbly.

I know it might not be what you want to hear right now, but life does go on and the wonderful post from Kay shows that there is a tunnel, but it has a light and you will emerge from the tunnel into the light.

The people on here know how you feel and you don't ever need to apologise for posting what you are feeling, good, bad or indifferent - you can be sure that nobody will judge you either.

There is no shame in being dependent and asking for help when you need it.  It is just another sign of how strong you really are, even when you do not feel it.

Keep taking good care of your family, but don't forget to take good care of you too xxx