I’m a husband of 37 years to Helen, who has been under treatment since Sept 2021. Stage 3 TNBC. Chemo, surgery, radiotherapy and due to residuals now back on oral chemo. She’s exhausted, platelets down and now diagnosed with depression and anxiety which she has counselling once a week for.
Two weeks ago the treatment was paused due to Helen being ‘battered’. Over a phone call the oncologist explained the following. If the cancer ‘comes back’ it will almost definitely be in the vital organs, brain etc and terminal. This current round of oral chemo reduces the chances of its return by 20 percent.
I have never burdened her with my fears as it would be unfair. Our grown up children are both sensitive types and are already struggling with the most basic and selective information we’ve given them.
But my stomach churns, with dread, day and night and my focus on even the smallest tasks have become increasingly blurred. I’m playing my role as carer, father and ‘the strong one’ with aplomb.
But the truth is I’m tired. Just so fucking tired.
