Breast cancer for the under-50s

Breast cancer is far less common in the under-50s, but this can leave younger people with a diagnosis feeling isolated. This group is a place for them to come together, share experiences and support each other.

Just need friends

Smart5
Posted by

Hi everyone, 

i was diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2019. I’m 43, my sister died of breast cancer & my mum is in remission from breast cancer. I have had 4 cycles of chemo & are booked for a double mastectomy in June. I have a wonderful, loving, caring & supportive family. I have 2 beautiful children. 

Thpugh I have so much support from my family I feel I lost my best friend as soon as I was diagnosed & that kills me every day. There is a lot I can’t talk to my family about because we’ve all been through so much in the past I don’t want to worry them. I have always been the strong one in the family & always reassuring everyone but i feel so alone myself. 

I have been a single parent for most of my life so learnt to deal with things on my own but for the first time in my life I feel like I am broken inside but with a big smile on the outside. I know I’m just babbling on but I didn’t know where else to turn to.

Thank you for listening to me x

Cheekydeac
Posted by

So sorry that you are feeling this way. Do you think you should talk to a Macmillan counsellor or your Breast Care nurse? Or just write them all down and tell me. I'm living with secondary breast cancer and some days paint on the smile when I'd rather be in bed under the duvet. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling but I'll give it a go.

Galligirl
Posted by

We’re listening....we all have very different family situations and different ways of coping with all of those family members....

Chose the best way for you and your family...challenging I know....Everyone is different and, one thing I have learnt, is that there isn’t a one way that suits all....deep breath....do what you can....and with a fair wind it will be all okay

GGx
Haysie
Posted by

Hi

I've found that as I'm the 'strong' one, people expect me to support them through my diagnosis! I'm also afraid of talking to my family about my fears etc because they can't cope with the possibility that this might end badly. So the smile goes on and everybody is happy.

When I had BC for the first time, I saw a psychologist through the oncology department and she was brilliant. Totally changed my outlook on life. Perhaps your nurse can sort something for you?

Keep in touch xx

TheScriptFan
Posted by

We're all friends here always someone around to listen. The friendships are different to others because the people you talk to "get you" and totally understand where you're coming from.

I think we all try to be strong for everyone else, i am also a single parent have been for 15 years but luckily my children are 21 and 25 now, but i still worry about how they're coping. 

Come and talk to us, tell us how you're feeling and we can try to help, even if it means you babbling on, we all babble but its good to get it out. 

Big Squeeze for you xx 

 It's gonna make us who we are, it's written in the scars  "The Script"

Smart5
Posted by

Thank you so much to you all for your replies. It felt like there wasn’t anywhere I could turn to till I came on her & I’m so grateful for your support. I have contacted Macmillian & they will be sorting a councillor for me. I do think I needed to talk to someone for a long time when my sister died but work & family came in the way & suddenly your own feelings don’t matter because you just focus on making sure everyone else is ok. 

I think it’s not only the cancer that’s just put the spanner in the works I think losing someone who I myself supported through 2 different operations (not cancer related) very early on in the relationship but when it was my turn they disappeared. I don’t know if I’m disappointed at myself for trusting such a person or what. I feel confused & angry because now she is wanting to be my ‘Friend’ but when I was going through one appointment to another, one test to another she was no where to be seen. I hate myself for still wanting to have this person in my life when deep down I know this person does not deserve me  

I’m sorry if I’m going on a bit it’s such a complicated situation to be in especially when I should be focusing on my health  

thank you to you all for taking the time to respond  I can’t tell you how much it has meant to me  xxx

Beachwalker19
Posted by

Hi

You are definitely in the right place. 

I think because we always tend to put other ppl first when it comes to taking care of ourselves we don’t know how!

You definitely did the right thing contacting Macmillan. You have to keep telling yourself that you matter too.

I’m finally learning this myself. My hubby worked away the last 6 yrs, so while I’m not a single parent it felt like it.

Time had come for us to think about ourselves too. 

Someone is always here to chat too,

Gentle hugs x x

Galligirl
Posted by

As I am sure others here will testify...friends can suddenly vanish from your life! And others, often those you don’t know very well, step up and are there for you. 

Delighted you have contacted Macmillan - I am sure you will get good advice and a supportive virtual hug!

Good Luck and keep posting.....

GGx
Smart5
Posted by

Thank to everyone for your lovely kind words. I think with the cancer emotions are all over the place. Nothing seems to make sense & every little thing appears a lot worse that it is. Hopefully over time it will get better & I appreciate everyone’s support from the bottom of my heart xxx