Breast cancer for the under-50s

Breast cancer is far less common in the under-50s, but this can leave younger people with a diagnosis feeling isolated. This group is a place for them to come together, share experiences and support each other.

Husband struggling

Fenda
Posted by

hi everyone, 

i am 2 years on from double mastectomy without recon at the age of 45. I am doing really well in all respects except one.

From the moment I came home from surgery my husband switched off from me. It wasn’t me. I was feeling positive and fairly confident. We had a good relationship in all ways pre-op and I thought we could get through my physical changes.

But we haven’t. He admits that the sight of my chest “does nothing” for him, and since gaining a stone on tamoxifen he’s made it clear that my weight is an issue too. I’m also losing lots of hair on tamoxifen (although I’m not complaining, I was lucky enough not to need chemo!)

We’ve been to counselling together and apart. It has helped us communicate but the main issues remain. 

What I need to know is whether anyone else’s husband has had this problem and eventually managed to overcome it? Or are there any husbands on here who can shed light on it? I don’t think I look that bad to be honest. 

I don’t want reconstruction and I don’t think it would help.

Thanks x

Carolyn28
Posted by

hi

welcome to the online community, sorry you've had to come and find us

YES

lots of men have a problem with 

a) cancer

b) life and death

c) change

d) growing up

e) getting over themselves

I'm going to PM you the rest as it's not for public broadcast

Carolyn

xxx

 real life success stories to remind you that people do survive breast cancer

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/breast-cancer/f/38/t/115457

 

Fenda
Posted by

Hi Carolyn,

Thanks for replying, it sounds like you might have some experience of this!

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Fenda xx