To love or be loved?

This is something that I have pondered for many years, my Mum has said "There are some who need to be loved and some who need to love"

I put myself in the second category but think this is a spectrum, Carla in all honesty was, in my opinion someone who needed to be loved. (I have no doubt she loved me, but me loving her was her thing)

So in the cold light of day,how do you see yourselves and your loved ones?

(I think this is quite close to the mark so I'm not expecting many replies but that's cool too)

  • Ok so I've thought about this on and off all morning  tbh I'm not surprised that  there aren't any answers yet!

    I am a person who needs to love on all levels;

    The love i have for my children, the love I have for my extended family and the love I have for my friends and last but not least the love I  have for my dogs, but that love is on all different levels.

    My husband needed to be loved but more importantly for him was the need to really feel loved (and that comes from within yourself) we were all with him when he passed away, I  wont say it was easy for us because it wasn't, myself and my two children nursed him to the end at home without ouside intervention, but i think and sincerely hope that he knew he was loved and it gave him some peace.

  • Lizzy

    If that's the only answer that's cool, as it's a really good response and very frank, thank you for being so open.

  • Hi mccc and lizzy

    we all need to be loved  but they say you need to love yourself first  most  of the time I hate life and myself  I get told  Time  great healer but the dark thoughts are still with me 

    but I read your post and you make us all laugh on here  

    take care 

    Martin 

  • I think my late husband and I were absolutely half and half. We had both come from relationships that had been hurtful at worse and disappointing at best. We both were huge masses of love ready to give, but so ready to feel that love as well. It was perfect. I miss him every day and with all my heart...

  • Martin, do you know why you feel you hate yourself?

  • Hi mccmcc 

    Diane was my second wife we had been together 10  when my first wife left me It destroyed me  took time to get over that.  
    Diane She said she would never leave me but she came ill and it was so quick  and know she was going to leave  I have even rang the Samaritans in the early days 

    I hate myself because I miss her and life together and the loneliness eat away at me just doing stuff at home take me for ever now because I can’t be asked to do stuff  

    I don’t really know what the answer is  until I find it 

    she fell out with parents before I met her I had to meet them at the funeral she had a bad partner before me 

    take care 

    Martin 

  • To Love or be Loved if the greatest gift

    When it is taken away its  so hard to live

    Those precious moments that used to mean so much

    Have been taken from us if only we could reach out and touch

    To see your smile and here your laugh  made me love you more and sometimes you was really daft

    You had a heart of gold,my lover, my best friend , a joker a clown all rolled into one, always happy, and signing and playing around.

    Money meant nothing, procession's  the same, you had everything  that money could not buy,love for each other and that will never die. 

    Ellie x

  • martin e I  feel your heartache.  My first husband left me and I thought I'd never want to be married again until Colin wooed me with poems and flowers left in the letterbox of my apartment (2nd floor flat) I couldn't wait to be his wife.  His ex left him with 4 lads to bring up and I took them on (I don't have any kids) I sometimes hate the loneliness and seriously miss our 20 married years together, we wanted to grow a lot older together and maybe have a ruby wedding anniversary but the book of life says different. Maybe like me you feel you could have saved her with love like I thought I could've saved Colin because love conquers all as they say, but we know that's not always the case.  Take your time doing things- I am 12 weeks into this shit chapter and have only got rid of a Gillette blue razor so far!!!  All in our own time.  

    I would  try to be friends with her parents too, that was before your time and not your beef, at least to make some kind of peace with them, if that doesn't work out, so be it, at least you will have made an effort in your part. 

    Take care and don't be so hard on yourself. 

    BootsyD  :)

  • Hi bootsyD

    i have met them a couple of times  and they told me all about her past and what happened her and x partner were in to drugs  i knew she had one son but their is two more they were taken away and her parents brought them up  

    A bit more for me to go around my head if Diane had told me about her past it would not have mattered to me  I loved her we all have a past 

    have a good day take care 

    Martin x 

  • Hi Ellie 

    love the words that has loads of meaning for all of us 

    have a good day take care 

    martin x