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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

How do I cope with losing a son and a partner to cancer

allana
Posted by

I lost my eldest son to cancer in March and three weeks later my partner of 22 years died also of cancer.  The funerals were nightmares because of the lockdown and I still can t believe that they are both gone. I cry all the time and I am so lonely and don t know how I can carry on alone. I spent nearly all my time with my partner and I miss him so much and my son used to help me with gardening and do lots of jobs for me and I keep trying to ring him or go to his house and then I remember he s gone. I dread what my life will be like now.

What can I do ?

mccmcc
Posted by

I can only offer my heartfelt condolences, I think for the first time in this group I have only some idea of how you must feel. You will be among a group of great people here most of whom will understand to some degree how you may be feeling.

I expect both your son and partner would hope you can recover and find some small element of contentedness as time goes by but I think for such a trauma as yours it is very early days. All I can really suggest is that progress will be slow and likely not even noticeable at first but so many of us here have come here wondering what the future holds if anything at all and have found space to laugh and enjoy the friendship on offer here, and of course, we have all been in the same boat in one way or another

I shall be thinking of you and wishing you well as will I am sure many others here..

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

Akela2516
Posted by

I am so sorry to hear this. I can honestly say I can't think of anything worse. 

I messaged my husband for some time regularly. I rarely do now but occasionally I still do. I still have his FB account for this. Not quite ready to let that go. So message your son if it helps. Talk to them both. 

I am sure it will take a long while to rebuild yourself. I don't know the answer but sending you love and hugs

Alison xxx

 ellie68
Posted by

 Hi Alllana

  I am so sorry you have had to come here, but you are welcome, and will get a lot of support, we are all here for each other.

I cannot even  imagine  what you are feeling, to lose one is bad but two.

I am eight months down the line, things are a little easier never thought it would be, but one day at a time seems to be the motto,every one is so different, do not get me wrong i miss my hubby terribly and have just had two days of tears following  it takes you by surprise.  Every one here understand what you may be feeling, and some one can relate to it.

Do you have support around you i hope you do, There are o wise words none of us have been here before so everything is new, and only some one going threw it truly understands.

Please you this group as much as you want always some one here to listen.  Its early days for you, jut small steps at time.

Hope others pop along to welcome you

Take Care Elliexx

BootsyD
Posted by

OMW!!!  Sending virtual hugs your way. It will be doubly hard for you but you will 'get there' slowly xx Use this site, there are many people here who will answer your messages and who care about your feelings etc. 

lotsalove x

Tomorrow is another day
Ww123
Posted by

Hi so very sorry to hear about your son and partner it's far to much to cope with all at once my heart goes out to you so much ..I lost my Dad and hubby within 5 weeks of each other and still can't believe it they where both in hospital at same time but 60 miles apart I don't drive so go to see hubby one day Dad other...it's will be a year come Aug and sept this year and I find I am looking back ..think it's hitting me now ..My Dad passed and a week latter got told my hubby cancer had spread 4 weeks latter he was gone .

i don't know how to help you but I really feel your pain ..we are all here for you this is a great page it helps so very much ..x

NellieJ
Posted by

Allana - your situation is truly awful. I hope you have both professional and personal support as the lockdown can only make your situation feel so much worse. Reaching out and being able to say how difficult is something we do here - so please post again. Thinking of you and how hard it must be. 

Lizzy-K
Posted by

Hi Allana,

I'm lost for words, I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.

I only came to this area of the site a couple of weeks ago and the people on here have been so supportive and caring.

We all come here as individuals bought together in extreme circumstances and reaching out to strangers who suddenly become friends because they all understand.

Just post your feelings and thoughts however random you feel they are and someone will find you and talk to you. No judgment, no telling you what to do, just thoughts, shared experiences, tips and a safe haven where you can be yourself,  no need to put to an act or try to conform and have at times  a laugh at everyone's sillyness.

Lizzy

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
Granny Sue
Posted by

It's not fair what some people have to endure I cant even imagine what you are going through .Its still very raw and I think we have to find out who we are and what we want to become .Thats not easy and there are no quick fixes or even seemingly a way through .It really is getting up each day and celebrating any achievements we can manage .Also be kind to ourselves somedays we may feel like hell and need a duvet day others we may be able to do more .Its important to reach out and get support we will all help on here keep posting  Lots of hugs take care xx

Granny Sue

Bailey48
Posted by

Oh my goodness Alana. What a terrible time how have you coped your grief is tremendous I don’t know what to say. I can relate to your loneliness even with family n friends around our companions aren’t here. I lost my son 5years ago that was bad enough but his dad was here. I can relate to your loneliness as I buried my hubby of 46 years a week ago. Obviously life has and will change so much for you and family it feels so uncertain at this time. Try your best to pull out positive times you had with your hubby and son.    One day at a time Allana.