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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Widening my Bereavement support - Way-Up

NellieJ
Posted by

I value and remain part of this group. This group and you lot have got me through something that I never imagined would happen. 

In these Covid days, all the community and peer support stopped. The Hospice group I was due to go to and another one locally all stopped. In my friends, I have no one who has lost a partner so have felt very isolated in grieving, apart from you lot here.  Having no children and only two family members who are basically a drain on me as I have caring responsibilities, I have been sitting at home with the dogs with no one to talk out loud to. Having this forum has been a life line. 

And alongside this I am going to widen my bereavement support. I have found something called Way-Up - a group/organisation/network for people generally 50+ who are bereaved. I have joined. This might give me some more local connections for future support.  I dont know the reach of the organisation, but I am hopeful that as the world keeps turning, I will turn with it and being a widow will become part of my life experience and I grow with it, rather than it stopping everything. 

https://way-up.co.uk/

It was International Widows day on 23 June and I have been humbled by how relatively easy I have it. 

mccmcc
Posted by

Widening your Bereavement Support sounds like some kind of procedure to make sitting down a bit more comfy! Or am I the only one who can see that? I am? OK I'll get my coat....

Seriously though,once 'we' have been through this 'they' never really can understand how we have now become different creatures almost like a societal group apart. My first wife was West Indian and only when we got together did I see how 'them' and 'us' operated.

So good for you Nellie are we going to see the WMGMC* soon? (Imagine that emblazoned across your colours as you head out in the pack? I reckon it would be easy to get affiliation)

*Widows Moto Guzzi Motorcycle Club

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

BootsyD
Posted by

International widows day - they don't put that in the diary do they!!! I hope nobody sends me a card next year, specially as no one remembered this year!!

I like this group and you invisible Bereavers/friends too !! None of my friends have lost their partner either so they sympathise but don't know how I feel. I have no children of my own, but Colin has 4 lads all grown up with us so they are like mine. They have their own lives to live with their little families etc, it's not very often 1 of them doesn't ring or text - usually the youngest ( nearly 26) I might check out way-up and see if they are near me.

Enjoy the lovely weather!

BootsyD

Tomorrow is another day
BootsyD
Posted by

LOL!!! mccmcc Don't forget to shut the door!!! lol!!

Tomorrow is another day
AliG55
Posted by

I was told about WAY (widowed and young) by the Hospice when I first lost Mark. Apparently it's for 55 and under and WAYUP was over 55's. I was 55 so couldn't decide which way to go LOL. 

I was receiving group counselling at the time so didn't really think I needed it and I came on here but I might have another look. 

My friends are fab but they haven't even lost a parent let alone a spouse so really cannot imagine what we're going through.

It's been almost 7 months for me now and is still very raw but as time moves on I think people either forget or think I should be 'over' it by now. 

We were together for over 37 years, sometimes I still can't believe I'm never going to see or touch him again, or hear his voice.

I just read that article about International Widows Day. Truly shocking what some people have to go through.

Ali x

NellieJ
Posted by

I think there are medical products to help with Widening Support areas - check out your local mobility assistance shop. 

A bit like Broadening My Horizons which also might involve some discomfort and stretch marks. 

I am a bigger person for being with my partner through fun, illness and death - about 3 stone bigger so struggling to get into clothes - just chucked them.  

I may well start the Moto Guzzi Widows Motor Cycle Club - and am owning The Widow Twanky today as wearing  rather strange outfit of cloths not thrown away. Nothing wrong with a psychedelic kaftan and an Adidas shell suit. 

I may need to borrow the colander and tin foil as over tired, over  hot and over baked. 

mccmcc
Posted by

And here we've just had rain the like of which you never see in the UK, believe it or not there are clouds going past at my height as I peer out of the window..

As long as it's a Turquoise Kaftan and Red tracksuit you'll be OK..

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

Lizzy-K
Posted by

View envy again!

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
Lizzy-K
Posted by

Nellie you are an inspiration, not sure about the international widow's day though still struggling with that "title" 

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
Lizzy-K
Posted by

The group's in our area when they start up again are in distinct age groups too.

My GP who is about 10/15 year's younger than me started to recommend one that his Mum had joined and then back tracked very quickly because he just put me into the 70's category! 

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
NellieJ
Posted by

Morning, to those up early. I managed to wait till 5 am till getting up today. I find weekends more difficult because of lack of structure. Friends are either in couples or very very single and so life in the non-bereaved world just goes on the same.

I managed to wipe out Saturday having drunk too much Friday. My excuse : was dashing about doing mothers shopping, cooking washing etc, saw husbands sons new house and forgot to eat or drink any water in the heat.  Then straight to a friends to plough straight into the red wine. Have a slight worry that I may have  been flirting with friends' beautiful female 30 year old lodger. Oops. 

So yesterday and today I will step away and will go back to basics of tidying, shopping being sensible.  Todays motto - drink more water. 

I am really missing sitting and eating with someone. I like eating with people. Fed up of cooking and eating alone. 

AliG55
Posted by

Oh Nellie, I so hate weekends. Used to look forward to them and now I dread them. I ate, read, ate and ate a bit more, then watched tv til 1am! I have no structure to my days, I've even offered to work which was astonishing to my boss as I've always refused Saturday.

Saturday was 'our' day. It always involved some sort of meal out, (breakfast or dinner) and some form of shopping (hubby was a shopaholic) and maybe a nice walk through woods with dog if weather was good. Now I just wonder around doing a few jobs, walking the dog and feeling very sad and lonely.

I do have a lot of friends but they all have husbands and although they invite me, I don't like to intrude on precious family time. My family live miles away so can't visit them. 

I do have teenagers at home to cook for but they very rarely eat with me, always too busy or in a rush to get somewhere.

I miss just sitting chatting over a nice meal with a nice glass of wine. Simple pleasures....

Ali x

martin e
Posted by

Hi lizzy 

I joined the way up group I don’t go on their much yes you are right there is a lot of older people on the site May be when they start meeting up I will go to one of the meeting  I’m going to be boring today And go fishing lol 

have a good day take care 

Martin x

martin e
Posted by

Hi Ali and Nellie 

I know the feeling I use to be so busy now I can’t be asked I don’t eat do much now stopped eating chocolate now  if had a drink I would not stop  the past taught happiness is not in the end of a bottle I tried that  

suppose we all want to find the peace inside ourselves even thou are brains are in over drive 

have good day take care 

martin x

AliG55
Posted by

Hi Martin,

Enjoy your fishing today, it's good to get out in the fresh air, bit windy today though!

I don't drink at the moment either Martin as I know if I opened a bottle I'd finish it and then wouldn't sleep and I'd get weepy, feeling sorry for myself, so end up feeling worse.

Have a good day 

Ali x