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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Ashes into jewellery

Lizzy-K
Posted by

Evening everyone 

Just wondered whether anyone  has had their loved ones ashes incorporated into jewellery?

Sam was a Widower when i met him, his late wife had breast cancer and passed away in 2000. so i feel that I owe it to his two boys to scatter his ashes with their Mum after all they've been through this shit twice and if it wasn't for this vile evil desease their parents  would still be together here for them.

I  just cant get my head around if its ethical/weird/normal/thousands more emotions if I keep some of them in the form of a  ring.

Any thoughts and opinions welcome ... 

Lizzy 

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
mccmcc
Posted by

Maybe ask his sons? See how they feel but I would suggest and apologies for maybe coming across as a bit of patronisingl. Just broach the subject as if it's a whimsical thing and not a deeply thought idea. I think you'd soon get your answer.

As for the 'ethicality' of wanting to hang on to a loved one I can't see if ethics even come into the question. For my money we are all in weird zone at the moment, I was OK this morning and have been for a few days, this afternoon descended into reams of self pity and sobbing. Now its gloomy time again and thinking very bad thoughts about my own life.

Maybe incorporated into a pendant might be easier from the logistical point of view? My own view is that the body that housed Carla has gone, she no longer resides there and it is just a facsimile of what she was, her memory for me is in the realm of the imagination and although I am not a religious person I believe in reincarnation and some kind of intelligent design to the universe (god?) but a more passive energy based entity a universal codex, once the program is rolling it's a kind of observed free for all and the chance to come back again to try again.

(I just re read this and now know I've gone bonkers, don't forget to wear your colander outside and cover it with tin foil to stop the 5G thought waves getting into your head......must buy new iphone.....must buy Amazon products.....yes Alexa I know Alexa...must buy buy buy) 

It's a free for all here, us bereavers have 'Carte Blanche' to feel how we want, to express ourselves how we want because FFS we are the ones left behind, I'd give so much to spend just a hew hours with Carla again but I can't, I was her protector and I utterly failed to protect her from this and I think your post has shown the level of emotional bond you carry for your guy so surely a tiny bit of his ash kept close to you isn't asking so much?

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

martin e
Posted by

Hi lizzy 

mcc right ask the sons what they would like done with the ashes  and decided together 

my wife’s are still at home with me but I like having them here with me I will scatter them when I’m ready 

take care 

martin x

Lizzy-K
Posted by

Thank you Mick for your reply.

Im sorry to hear that your day went downhill today, you seemed to be doing so well and I for one have to thank you for picking up my mood with your humour, humility and general all round possitive attitude.

This "Bereavers club" is increasingly becoming such a lifeline for me, virtual friends who dont expect, dont judge and just seem to gel.

From reading your posts you gave yourself to Carla unreservedly, none of us can protect our loved ones the way we wanted, we all failed with that one and that's what (sadly) has bought us all here.

I wonder if it were possible to ask Carla what she thought what would she say ... i think something along the lines of  this - he did his best, he loved me, he cared for me like no other, i could not have asked for more.

Don't be hard on yourself, it's early days, and forgive me for this ... take that shiny colander off your head before the widows parade starts you cant hide from them looking like that!

Take care Mick, tomorrow is another day and we all need you, your humour and your songs!

Lizzy

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
Lizzy-K
Posted by

Thank you Martin- 

His eldest isn't doing so good at the moment, he was only 11 when his Mum passed away and I think his Dads passing has made him grieve for his Mum again too a double whammy for him. But as with so many he doesn't want to talk about it all. I think i will leave it for a while and see if he brings the subject up.

My Mum keeps my stepdad in the wardrobe next to her bed makes her feel safe .

Hope you have had a good day today 

Lizzy

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
Geoff999
Posted by

Dear all,

It's strange this post came up because nearly a year after my Anne passed I still have her ashes.. At  the beginning I was going to scatter Anne's remains across a corn field that our holiday caravan overlooked. But recently I can't bear the thought of her remains being  left  alone and untended so many miles away. ( Im such a silly old bigger. LOL.) So I bought an urn with pink roses enscribed on the side. My darlings ashes will now be placed in this urn and alongside my bed. It will seem we are still together. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Lizzy-K
Posted by

Hi Geoff

Its 5 years in August since my stepdad passed away, my Mum turns 80 this year and thankfully it was one of the thing's they had talked about - he was 14 years older than her but far more practical with such things so he resides in the wardrobe (why there who knows) watching over her

Lizzy 

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
Geoff999
Posted by

Dear Lizzy 

Aint us humans strange creatures? We all have our own ways of paying respect : most  of it bizarre to say the least. Me included LOL But its a ritual we just have to follow along  as individuals. And why not Lizzy? So step dad resides in the wardrobe. Hey! I'm sure he's OK with that. I'm sure my Anne would be just as happy being cast to the four winds. On a more serious note. I did consider having my Anne's ashes converted into a diamond then set in a ring for me to wear -  as a person I know has done. But not for me. However with all due respect its what ever makes us feel contended. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Akela2516
Posted by

Hi Lizzy,

I personally didn't like the idea of Ric being made into jewellery but my friend lost her husband 3 months before I lost Ric and she wears a ring and her daughter has a pendant. They also both have a small urn next to their.beds. they intend to.scatter the rest of his ashes.

I will scatter Ric soon, initially I was going to leave him in the undertakers as I was more comfortable with that but he would be surprised to find he is in the summerhouse at the moment. It is sort of comforting for him to be there. I buried a very tiny pot of his ashes with his tog tags and his special necklace from me in our garden, next to his summerhouse and under his guardian angel ornament with a purple rose. I have a fifth of his mum and dad too to scatter which he wanted with him. That was weird mixing them together and then splitting them up five ways!! 

I miss him terribly but I have lots of him here and some gorgeous tanzanite jewellery which he kept adding to my collection so I feel that is my bit of Ric. 

If you want jewelry then do so, it is a tiny amount of ashes and they wouldn't really know anyway. It is quite tasteful looking jewellery and delicate. It is your choice. We all need different things. There is no right or wrong 

Take care.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

NellieJ
Posted by

Agree there is not right or wrong, but maybe don't do anything to hasty or because you are thinking first of other people. He was yours too. So maybe hold off anything and mull it over for you and with others. 

My partner is on the window sill with a photo on top so a neighbour waves to him. He made his wishes known (being scattered in same place as his son) and his boys want a bit of him as a keepsake. But I am not going to hurry it. At the moment, I need him here and when the time is right I will arrange a small gathering to honour and mark it.  The photos and other mementos I have have more feeling to me than ashes.  

Lizzy-K
Posted by

Thank you all for your thoughts and sharing your experiences.

I think I'll wait for a while & not be in so much of a hurry. whats the saying "act in haste repent at leisure" could find myself regretting something further down the line.

I've got to fetch him first as he's still at the funeral directors - probably causing mayhem on the shelf!

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
Sarah2nd
Posted by

Hi Lizzy-K and all 

I left my husbands ashes at the undertakers over the summer months to give myself a breather - I knew he wanted them buried at the church with his dad but I just couldn’t put our kids (or myself) through another goodbye so soon. When I did collect them I felt the pressing need to carry out his last wish so I know for me, it was right to have a break & not rush to do this. 
my daughter has a ring from Ashes into glass- if you look on their website it gives you an idea of what they do - we are in south east England but they take orders from everywhere, you can even go & see it being made of you want to. Her ring is engraved & it very well made, it’s not a showy ring, to those that don’t know she doesn’t have to explain it, it looks just like a well made ring. In case you were wondering, sounds a bit morbid but they only need about a teaspoon of ashes to pendants/rings/cuff links so it’s not a lot, but I’m so glad we did this as she gets so much comfort from it, her dad is with her wherever she goes. 
hope you have a good day everyone & can get out to  enjoy the sunshine 

 Sarah xx

Akela2516
Posted by

Hi

My son has just had a bit of a birthday party in our garden and I was surprised when one of the girls said she was wearing a pendant with her grandads ashes ! 

She said she never takes it off. He takes care of her! 

Anyway no rush as everyone says! I never thought I would keep Ric so long but it is comforting to have him nearby. But then I know he would want to be free too xxx

Newb
Posted by

I also have a pendant with a little of my wife's ashes it ne er comes off I bought it on line cheaper than crematorium it is a comfort to think part of her is still with me  ian 

Ian
Djaxster
Posted by

I've got a ring with the ashes embedded with diamond dust and covered in a reddish pink resin. My stepdaughter has a pendant spelling MUM and also has ashes embedded. The funeral director, who is a friend of mine, had a special wooden box made, hand painted with our fav picture and words from her daughter and myself.

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.