We understand that people with cancer are worried about coronavirus. Here is the latest guidance. We will update it regularly.

Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

How am I?

Nish63
Posted by

I've just received an email from Tom at Macmillan, he asks how I am.

I'm angry, lost my husband after a short but fierce battle with Oesophageal Cancer in April at the height of the Covid pandemic.  Nobody from the hospital has been in contact with me inspite of me contacting his nurse and leaving a message.  I have felt numb until yesterday when my manager at work told me it's ok to grieve.

I miss him so much we were together for 36 years, married for 31 years.  We could only have 10 mourners at his funeral....you probably already know this if you've lost someone.... sorry I'm just moaning

Jinglebell22
Posted by

My dear Nish there are no words that I have to make you feel better... as at this point nothing will make sense... I am going through a similar situation as my partner is still alive but not long to live...

It’s okay to be angry.. sad... and try to make sense of a senseless situation.

I hope you have family or friends around who can give you a hug and cry with you

all the meditation and yoga in the world is not going to take the pain away...

in my prayers xx

Nish63
Posted by

Jinglebelll22 thank you, sadly at the moment only my immediate family can hug me, my sons.  However I will admit to hugs from my Mum and Sister in Law. I have pushed grieving to the back of my mind and thrown myself into work or going out on my bike until yesterday.  The floodgates opened and I wept.  During dinner I asked my boys if they felt we hadn't grieved for their Dad.  Both said they had and were moving on (they're 25 & 23).  

I'm sorry to hear about your partner, my thoughts are with you, keep safe x

Granny Sue
Posted by

Every right to be angry.We all are. We understand you can say what you want no judgement here .Bill died from Oesphageal cancer he had the big op chemo radiotherapy  Then another bit on the diaphragm And finally it went into his brain  The horror of it will never leave us but maybe the anger will move us forward day by day. Take care lots of hugsxx

 

Granny Sue

Nish63
Posted by

Granny Sue- so sorry to hear you lost a loved one through Oesophageal Cancer too.  Will had 8 months from diagnosis.  He had Chemo which we knew was palliative treatment, we went off on holiday every month from last July to January this year.  We were lucky in that respect. Keep safe x

Akela2516
Posted by

I never had an acknowledgement from.the hospital either. S quick call would have been nice!I wasn't happy with his care so they will soon know how I feel when I get my complaint in! A courtesy call would have helped though

Take care xxx

Lizzy-K
Posted by

My husband died after a battle with oesophageal cancer too, 9 months after diagnosis he passed away at beginning of May,

I haven't heard anything from the hospital either- have to say that my GP has been great 3 phine calls so far just checking in to see how i am.

Im still so shocked to keep finding out how many people are diagnosed with this cancer and usually when it's too late and so young.  My husband was 62

Thinking of you all

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
Nish63
Posted by

Hi Lizzy-K. So sorry to hear about your husband, my husband was only 62 too.  Keep safe and good luck with your complaint x

 ellie68
Posted by

Hi

My hubby also passed from this cancer, his was 10 months from diagnosis, i am surprised how many people seem to have had it, i had r heard of it,  never heard of it until he got his diagnosis,

Ellie xx

Lizzy-K
Posted by

Hi Ellie

We hadn't heard of it either, such an aggressive cancer which doesn't seem to be widely known about or have any warning campaigns.

I don't know that if there had been more of a symptom checker it would have made any difference but there are so many common symptoms that surely there should be some kind of screening programme. 

How are you coping?

X

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
 ellie68
Posted by

Hi Lizzy

Not to bad but today i really miss him, every day seems to be different, its eights months for me and its hard.

How are you doing, its true no one understand's how you fill, only people that are going threw it, just so many different emotions you wonder where they come from, for me i have to keep busy so i do not think

So many jobs to try and do, and sorting paper work, but i am sure we will muddled through.

Life will never be the same for me, ad its just one foot n front of the other.

Nice to hear from you.

Take Care Ellie xx

Lizzy-K
Posted by

Hi Ellie, 

Every day is different,  I'm still numb and lost  but had a  better day today, crossed a couple of things off the  "to-do" list 

Not sure where the paperwork all comes from and why does each bit lead to another piece to be dealt with!

It's 6 weeks since Sam passed away in a way it feels like yesterday and in another way it seems ages ago since he was here.

My strategy is one day at a time and tomorrow is another day to do what I haven't finished today. 

Take care of yourself  x

 
Cry because it's over but smile because it happened 
martin e
Posted by

Hi Ellie 

I don’t know how you do it  I try to keep busy I’m busy at work all week putting the happy face on even tho I feel empty inside  weekends do a few jobs but my emotions go up and down all the time  then I ask myself why do we keep going  is The answer they would not want us to give up 

I feel like a robot during the week getting up going to work coming home thinking do I really want to eat can I be asked 

I saw a question on here one day how would have your loved ones coped if would have been other way round  I even think about that too 

take care 

Martin x

 ellie68
Posted by

Hi Martin

Not seen you for a while.Martin i do not work so have the whole day to keep busy. I have done a winter stuck in the house, before this virus, as all family work, so i am spending a lot of time out in garden working not siting.

Funny that i asked my children, if i had gone first how do you think dad would have coped, they all replied he would't, mind you i know he would not have worried about inside the house, when i was cleaning and doing windows, it was always do you have to  mind you he lived in his lorry all week and that was cleaned every day.

How you been, i have had a few moments must say, now bath tapes have sized up and need a plumber. Do not know any and searching on line is no help, you here about all these cowboys and have old people over, so i am stuck. Do ot know how i am going to sort this one out.

Its funny yesterday was a real good day, and today back down, do you every get to move forward well for me its one step forward and one back, like stale mate, i never every dreamed it would be like this, but then i do not suppose i thought of it, you never think it's going to happen, but it does and by god it hurts.

Take Care Ellie x

martin e
Posted by

Hi Ellie 

Im glad you are ok still busy do any of your friends know a plumber I do read the posts ever day But do not always know what to say 

the housework I always did and shopping when she was at work on a Saturday and looked after the dogs so I was always busy  and yes my truck is clean inside too

and I don’t know if she would have coped she use to worry I had never made a will  but if had died it would have gone to her being my next of kin 

then last week I was delivering somewhere a woman came out and stood out side and had a cigarette and she looked just like Diane that was scary or strange you could say 

been having phone counselling 

the moving forward and backwards that’s my life and none of us dreamed this would happen and it has yes it hurts to much like i said put happy face on have a laugh and inside it hurts. I’m up and down today I don’t want to do anything 

take care

martin x