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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Message After A Long Time

Posted by

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on here much lately. Now that I am staying with my parents, I am sharing the laptop with my mum, and in order to read messages (or in fact on any English-speaking site) I have to change the settings to English and sometimes that is a little complicated so that I don't do it; and when I read and reply to messages on the iphone, I often dictate them and then find that there are mistakes in the messages. But I am still here and thinking of you all a lot and keep posting when I can. 

As I say, I have been here in Germany since 25th March. It's alreadey two months. During those two months, I have been very busy writing talks for Tara Brach, the meditation teacher, and writing my bgook which is now finally published. I have also done a lot of yoga and meditation and a lot of walking. I have been keeping in touch with friends over the phone and on Whatsapp. I miss home. But I am not sure when I will feel safe enough to go back; I somehow don't think it will be before August. 

On reflection I really think it was the best thing I could do for myself to come here. When I think that I would have lived in total lockdown for the past two months, I really don't know how I would have done it. And I know it's hard for everyone but for me with no sight at all it would have been harder with no ability to get usual assistance in shops, not being able to drive places to get out of the house... I know that it was right to not have been on my own during this crisis. But of course I also fear going back because after having been not on my own for such a long time - perhaps three or four months then - I am sure will be very difficult and I will have to get used to it all over again. But we will see when it comes to it. 

On 15th May it was my husband's second anniversary. The day didn't feel very different to me than any other day - maybe just a little more thoughtful and reflective. I didn't do anything special on the day but spoke to Jacqui who was with me when Paul died in the evening. 

Love and light


I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

Posted by

Hi Mel great to hear from you and you are safe and well keep on moving forward in all you do Paul would be so proud of you . Shine like the stars.

Posted by

Good that it's working out for you. 

Look to the moon.
Can't imagine any future without my soulmate