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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Why is life so hard

Akela2516
Posted by

Hi Ali,

I hope your son is ok and back home.

I think you have summed up a lot of my feelings! I feel close to exploding at times! I felt so peed off last week when I was asked to fill out a well being questionnaire!! How do they think I feel. Yes of course I feel stressed and isolated!!! Stupid blooming question! My husband died of cancer and then I am caring for similar patients and yes I am isolated because I have asthma, I am suddenly so at risk that you make me feel.infected and I have to wear a mask all shift!!! Arghhhh!!!

I also desperately want to see my dad who is isolated for a couple more weeks and no point in breaking it now! He is so much my rock. 

Off to work in an hour, probably be lucky to have 3 patients all day!!! Last hour or three we will be empty with nothing to do!!! It is driving me crazy. I have gone for walks in the country and beach yesterday (it was very quiet) to help my mental health as I really need it. Smile will be painted on and yes I will be fine!!! 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

mccmcc
Posted by

I think it would be better to scream "How the f**k do you think I am" my brother rings me and I tell him.

"How are you mate"

"Honestly f*****g s**t"

"Yep I reckon that's about it"

and then we talk. Here in Italy it's different again, different people, they don't want the Brit "I'm fine" they want to know every little detail, it's not nosiness just a genuine desire to understand how you are. I'd rather know if you were my friend that you are shit and hate life and everything sucks big time...

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

mccmcc
Posted by

I fixed up the family tomb today, (replacing some stone work etc and it looks chipper now) felt better for it.

It's such a wonderful spot coming to visit will be a joy, I'll change my profile pic for one I took of the mountain that overlooks the cemetery as its so lovely..

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

sunnyboy
Posted by

Hi mcc mcc hope your okay and good job on the family tomb it sounds like job well done it s so early on since Carla was given her wings and place in the heavens . I lost my love January 2019 and lifes just piss poor Sorry about language. Think I'm bit weak though. So keep on your path and look to the stars .

mccmcc
Posted by

No worries about the language mate. I don't think your weak. I'd say your a guy who has been dealt a terrible blow. Our second date was in hospital as Carla had a heart problem, so I've spent the last 13 years withith a whole bunch of 'what ifs' floating around.

Before I went to the cemetery I spent three days hiding indoors alternately sobbing or being angry. To be honest it's knackering and I try to keep in mind I'd have been told off by now as well for not getting stuff sorted, need to work on my sleep but it will even out in time.

Life will get better I'm sure but I think it will be like a long term diet plan, you won't notice the gains. The way I see it feel 1% better every day and it's 100 days or 1% a week and in a year you're 50% better.

Hang on in there mate and we are fortunate with all the good people here!

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

Ebony12
Posted by

Hi mccmcc

i just want to say what a wonderful outlook you have, yes you recognise you will have shitty days/times but you look for the positives.

yeah, we all have crappy days and feel like life has gave us a raw deal but out of everything negative in our days there will always be a positive land we have to build on those positive bricks.

much love to everyone

karen

Grief is the flip side of love
mccmcc
Posted by

Hi Karen and thank you for the kind words. Interestingly yesterday evening I took my language class and spoke freely about Carla to my students. I felt I should as one can relate stories and conversations for them to see 'real' English. I felt good during the class and we had a lot of fun.

The students homework is to invent a brand new English word or verb and apply it's meaning in three phrases. I created as an example. The verb 'Consogulate' which I made to mean a wet mess of something. (Italians cannot even contemplate the idea of tinned spaghetti) So I used the phrase "That canned spaghetti is just a consogulated mess"

All was well, but at 21:30 some two hours after the class I went into meltdown again and had another sleepless night spending much of it as a 'consogulated mess' I try to see progress as upwards but with many dips and troughs, however I'd say I'm pushing it too fast and trying to make gains on a daily basis which are not achievable, my worry is that it will all unravel at some point. So while outlook remains upbeat achievement since yesterday had plunged back over the abyss!!

So to all those who think I'm striding down the path of recovery head high looking at the bright and verdant hills of a purposeful future, I'm not I'm just about coping....

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

BootsyD
Posted by

Love your new word, put me in mind of the Blackadder dictionary episode! 

I know I am 'consogulated' at the moment!! Even though we knew Colin didn't have very long left we didn't get round to him writing a will. Now I have to try to fill inheritance and probate forms and quite frankly they're doing my head in!!

I've given him a right bollocking a few times this week regarding failed attempts and then I've been a consogulated mess and stressing myself out!!

Look after yourself mcc mcc, you've done a lot in a short space of time :)

BootsyD

:)

Tomorrow is another day
mccmcc
Posted by

Good old no will syndrome! Luckily for me our no will syndrome has rendered me outside of the probate process as we weren't married.

Carla sons bear the brunt of everything and I can't be given any probate as we have joint finances that need sorting. My nose is a bit out of joint but what can you do..

Expect some enquires as you are now the resident expert in these matters!!!!

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

BootsyD
Posted by

Bugger!!!  

Tomorrow is another day
Ebony12
Posted by

Ah. don’t get me wrong as none of us are looking at bright and verdant hills, of course your having meltdowns but you seem to have a positive mental attitude.

You just got to go with how you feel at the time and let it happen. Still though, you had a positive day with a lovely lesson given to your students.

There’s no right or wrong way to get through grief, I think the most important thing is not to be so hard on yourself and take one day at a time.

Much love and strength

karen

Grief is the flip side of love
mccmcc
Posted by

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

mccmcc
Posted by

I confess getting to know and interact with all you guys is a great source of comfort, I have in my darker moments read and re read posts and responses. So to all here thank you!

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

Nandy3
Posted by

I totally agree what you’re saying, it definitely helps, yeah thank you everyone xx