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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

coping with grief during covid

isabella181
Posted by

Hello everyone

After loosing my wonderful husband on 19 January to secondary liver cancer - very quickly after diagnosis I tried really really hard to hold myself together, accepting all invitations out taking up new activities, anything and everything to try not to sink into total despair. Then wallop, coronavirus hits our lives and takes away all physical contact with others. I hate to admit it but I have had very dark moments thinking I may as well end my life now, I go for permitted walk, shop when needed, garden, do puzzles etc but can’t help thinking I could have coped so well with this social distancing if only I had my beloved by my side. Then I remembered the online community and read your posts, thoughts of suicide are not uncommon among those who have lost the love of their life, I am not alone. Reading your posts is so helpful - Thank you one and all, keep safe and we can get through this xxx

Isabella181
jane15
Posted by

Hello Isabela , I lost my husband on Christmas Eve 2019  after 52  years of being together. I've felt what's the point many times, it's only my daughter and grandchildren that keep me going. Oh , how different it would be if we had someone by our side to go through this awful time with. I'm scared of being ill and being on my own. I hate every day. Jane

Sheilaj
Posted by

Hi Isabela,

I lost my darling Bob on January 17th so very close to your husband. Like you this Isolation is doing nothing to help my grieving. I have a big close family but can't even see them at the moment so spending every day totally alone. I face time the children so my grandchildren don't forget me but at the end of the day all i want is a cuddle from them and i can't even do that. It is like grieving all over again and i cry A LOT. Like you i try and keep busy but find myself in tears doing the garden or cleaning and i run a lot and even cry when i'm running i just can't get over this. I feel like my heart is broken and I am no longer me and I have a big black cloud hanging over me.

I keep telling myself that Cancer has taken my Bob and I won't let it take me but it currently has done!!!!!!!!

Luckily I have never had dark thoughts which must be dreadful, I know mine is just pure grief. I am down for councelling from Mc Millan but was told about 8 weeks before this isolation so no idea when they will start and I met at a coffe morning for bereaved people also at McMillan for 1 morning and then of course those groups were closed.

I take each hour at a time and then hours have lead into another day that I have managed to struggle through. Chatting on here has been my life line as I know everyone on here is also grieving so I know I am not alone with the way I feel.

Keep chatting and putting one foot in front of the other.

Sheila x  

isabella181
Posted by

Hi Sheila,

Yes, I cry through gardening, walking, shopping, puzzles - all the things I try & do to keep me from folding. It’s just that, I want to be walking with John, shopping with him & doing everything we used to but I know I can’t & that’s when the tears start. It’s difficult finding any joy in anything at the moment I’m told it gets better but when I’m feeling really really low it doesn’t seem possible. The actual pain of heartache is difficult to describe and I think only those who have experienced such loss can know. We do have to keep going and that’s the hard part isn’t it? People who are ‘further down the road’ than we are have said that it does get easier but it can be difficult to believe at times especially in the present situation when as you said I would love a cuddle from my son but can’t even have that. Take care & stay safe

Isabella181
isabella181
Posted by

Hi Jane,

Yes, that’s it isn’t it - I keep saying that I could handle the current situation ‘if only’.... friends phone and support me but they still have their husbands & partners with them. My son can no longer visit me and he was my rock through the past weeks, I just think I can’t take anymore but then another day dawns and I do get through it, sometimes with tears every minute, sometimes not as much. Stay safe

Isabella181
Akela2516
Posted by

Hi all,

I lost Ric on 28 Dec. I was keeping busy and planned to scatter his ashes next weekend..

I am nurse so having to work, not with Corona at the moment thankfully and lucky enough to have my children aged 20 and 16 at home with me. 

The last two days have been lonely. I have started again! Just spent half hour crying to my dad. People dying alone is bringing it all back to me! I just can't rationalise it. I am trying to put on a brave face but I am terrified of work as I have asthma and viruses and stress triggers it..

Just wish it would all go back to normal 

Love and hugs

Alison xxx

hanging on
Posted by

New to group

I lost my husband Christmas Day. Have been struggling on my own . Now in isolation re coronavirus

Never felt so alone

Akela2516
Posted by

Sending you a big hug hanging on. I feel do lonely even with people about! 

Trying to pretend I am.ok at work! But I am not! 

Take care and keep posting Alison xxx

hanging on
Posted by

thank you Akela

I know i'm not the only one but never thought it could be so hard losing someone

Akela2516
Posted by

With you on that one!! I thought I would find it easier than it has been xxx

Needing friends
Posted by

Hi i lost my partner Christmas eve. The isolation is amplified with thie current corona virus instructions. It's hard because we've lost that person we most need at any time, it's doubly hard now. We want that hug of reassurance, someone to give a balanced opinion on things, I have lost all my confidence,, can't make a rational decision, worry about absolutely everything. I don't know how to cope, I feel so needy., Pam x

Love is eternal
hanging on
Posted by

I agree totally with you. We are all feeling loney and scared. I try to think positive but its really hard.

Lets try and hang on together

xxx

NellieJ
Posted by

I made a mistake yesterday. Thought that as I would fill some time sorting my partners clothes. He only died 5 weeks ago. Far too soon and got completely caught out. I guess bumping into pain is all part of it, and realise I need to find other things that are not to do with all the paperwork and sorting out. But two weeks after the funeral everything seems very quiet and empty and the last year or two has been entirely taken up with cancer and caring, hard to switch that off.

Akela2516
Posted by

I just can't stop crying last night and now this morning. Don't know how I can pull myself together for work xxx

Sheilaj
Posted by

Hi All,

Is there anyone else out there totally on their own? I have a large family but can’t see any of them due to this social isolating. Can’t go out to work and some days don’t see anyone at all. My family call and face time but it’s human contact I need. I try and be structured and I garden, clean and run but I’m so lost and alone and we have not even done a week yet. I feel I might cry myself to death! I sit and cuddle Bobs ashes that’s how lonely I am.

Im 59 and a very social person I can’t usually do 10 mins alone so this is a huge challenge for me. I can’t even see my elderly parents both in their 90’s

Anyone got any ideas what I can do to keep myself from going mad. I miss Bob so very much and would be happy so socially distance with him!

Sheila x