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I lost my partner 5 weeks ago and feel the effects of now having had the funeral on Fri13th March and then the CovidVirus 19 shut down. I am now living alone and isolated from social contact that might help support me. With no other family and being a second partner, his children from first marriage are remote and I have little in the way of family. So reliance on friends and social contact would be my default to coping. Quite hard to distract away from the pain of missing my partner and still recovering from the exhaustion of a hard year coping with dying.
However, I am immensely grateful that we managed to have a big funeral before the CovidVirus19 shut down. My thoughts go out to those who will be denied the chance to say a farewell in a funeral in the way that they might have wanted to.
Grieving seems tough and altered because of the social and physical isolation needed because of the unusual times we are in. I am not sure how to channel my upset as the hospice group and the other group I would have joined will not be happening. Hence the postings. 5 weeks is not long and I am taking stock of what others say in this group.
So sorry for your recent loss it is just the worse thing in the world. It's 9 weeks since I lost my darling Bob and like you I was so lucky that we could have the final send off he deserved, there were over 150 at his funeral and the same at the wake in the pub afterwards so he was surrounded by a lot of people who loved him and could say goodbye to him, I would have felt cheated twice if we could have only had 5 people and no celebration of his life at least it gave us a bit of closure.
Like you this Covid bivus couldn't have come at a worse time, I am lucky that our 3 grown up children and 5 Grandchildren live close and they have been my saviour but now I am really alone as they can't come and see me and I don't even have my Bob to isolate with so been hit by Grief all over again. I'm sad, lonely and cry and aweful lot. I can't look at his photo without crying and night times are worse. He was 63 years old.
This week I have told myself I have to get some structure in my life, I still work but work from home so I get up, do a Joe Wicks work out, then do some work and spring cleaning the house room at a time (No idea why as the house doesn't feel like a home without him in it ) but he was a perfectionist and I know he would like it. Then i'm attempting to garden for the first time ever, today I jet washed and stained the decking and actually very proud of myself) then I went for a 5 mile run, home and another work out shower and then some tea, Yesterdays stew that I actually cooked. Again cooking is something that I have had to learn as can't cook, won't cook Bob was an amazing chef so he did all the cooking. Bit of telly, well too much telly as I stop ut far too late as bed is my sad place even though i'm tired.
Every day is a new day and don't know how I will be from hour to hour but all I know is my heart aches for him and I feel like half a person with a big black cloud over me and can't see thing changing any time soon.
Take care and it's good to chat on here.
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