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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Sad and alone

bclab
Posted by

Hi All - it is with great sadness that I tell you that my partner of 37 years lost his short (backache for a couple of months - A & E 2 days before Christmas because of pain - diagnosed as lung cancer that had metastasised to brain & spine) fight with this awful disease.

He died at the end of February in hospital with myself & our 2 children with him, which I suppose is some comfort as at the moment hospital visiting is not allowed - plus it would have been terrifying to see him at all in case we were unwittingly carrying Coronavirus.

The funeral was on 12 March, & as there were quite a lot of people there I decided it would be best if I kept to myself afterwards as much as possible just in case I had picked up the virus (had it not been for the funeral, I would have semi- isolated myself the week before).

So at the time I most need a hug, I'm in the house alone.  Thank goodness the weather is good so I can get in the garden & cut the grass etc.

Every time I think I'm OK something reminds me of him & I'm crying again.  Just keep pretending everything is OK when the kids ring to check up on me.  Hopefully the pain will lessen in time.

Bclab
Poppy1955
Posted by

I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss,You must still be in a state of shock it's a terrible illness for everybody to go through together I hope you and yours find comfort knowing you s were there when he needed you s. I think it's good to cry and remember and you find the pain eases at times and it's good to talkxx

Poppy
 ellie68
Posted by

Hi Sorry that you have now joined this group, i just saw your thread in lung group which i belong to, as that is what i have.

My hubby passed nearly six month's ago different type of C.

Its really early day's for you, does it lessen with time,you would have thought so, it becomes more bearable for me but the pain is always there  for me, yesterday i crumbled and was on my knee's and just cried and cried

Every day can be so different never know when it will be a bad day.

You will get a lot of support here and every one has been or still are where you are at this moment in time.

We all understand what you may be feeling, i do not think any one unless you have or going threw it know's how it fills, i do not think the children truly understand and hopefully never will.

It is so hard for me to try and make them understand, i am not lonely but alone, been cut in half and now do not know who i really am we where together a very long time, and i do not know another life and that bit is hard.

I hope others come in and please you the group as always some here for you.

Take Care Ellie xx

bclab
Posted by

Thank you - despite my children being adults (26 & 30) I still feel the need to protect them as much as I can - they are devastated enough by their father's death without worrying about me as well.

I've always been the strong one, & still appear that way as I can only let go when I'm alone - which at the moment is all the time.

Hopefully things will improve in time - but the house seems so empty at the moment.

Bclab
 ellie68
Posted by

Yes i know that feeling, house is empty, so quiet, does not fill the way it used to a different feeling.

I have always been the strong one but this floored me in every way.

Its is one day at a time i am afraid, we all just get  and the next day can be the same.

It a slow road and you have to do one day at a time  it is a slow road.

I have been in garden all day the sunshine make's you get out of the four wall's of the house.

Why i am out there i do not think of anything else.

Our minds can drive us crazy, it is hard,

You just let your thought's and emotion's out here and some  one will come back they know what your saying we all have so many different thought's anxiety emotions sadness, and do not know which way we are going.

Please take care of your self, we forget that we have to eat and  rest and look after ourselves, this is what our other halves would want.

Take Care Ellie xx 

Sheilaj
Posted by

I agree with everyone’s comments. I’m 9 weeks int this grieving journey and every day is different. I can be not too bad some days and then curled up sobbing the next. Yesterday when the sun was shining I suddenly felt I needed my Bob home. I said I didn’t want his ashes at home I don’t know why and I don’t know what changed my mind but I phoned funeral directors and went and picked him up. My god I wasn’t prepared for the grief that hit me it was as strong as the day I lost him. I sat in the sun in our beautiful garden that he had created and held him to my chest and sobbed like a baby for an hour. When I calmed down I felt a sense of calm and today when I cuddle the ashes I can feel my heart rate change.

i am finding this social distancing particularly hard as my children are all married and have children of their own and all staying at home so I can’t even see them at a time I need company most. I am now home alone day and night working from home and trying to keep busy and structured but the sense of loneliness is almost unbearable especially not having my Bob to calm me down as my voice of reason.

its a journey none of us want to be on but we all have to take it day at a time. I am no longer the person I used to be and can’t see that I will ever be that person again.

hope you all get some sleep

chat soon

sheila x