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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Four Year's today we started the hardest road any one could ravel

Posted by

Hi every one, i hope you all have a better day if you can.

This is a reflection day for me.

Yes four year's  ago today, i started my cancer journey, incurable diagnosis, treatment every three week's for three year's.

My rock ,my hero,my love, my everything, was right by my side, and i never gave up, not for me for him. He kept me focused and was the best medicine going.

So we started first chemo gave me a heart attack very rare, but we coped and carried on.

Then the start down begun, we counted each cycle, and before we knew it i was coming up to my last one. December 2018 the 24th hooray our life can now start again so many plan's.

This was not to be, the 20th December 2018 he got diagnosed, my world fell apart, i just thought this is not fair. His journey stopped October 2019, so much happened in the three and a half years, how we both got to where we did i really do not know but we had each other.

Now i still have to try and carry on with scan's blood test's  and losing him.

OMG it is so hard some day's but for me this is reflection time, i will carry because he got me this far.

Sorry for the little rant had to get this off my chest.

Take Care Ellie xx

martin e
Posted by

Hi Ellie you have your rant  sometimes I want to stand and scream  to get it out then I’m angry  because I boil up then I feel guilty for being here and how I’m plodding along  and Diane voice in my head saying you are not doing that right or why are you buying that for 

I have a couple of good days then down hill again

martin x

Posted by

Oh Ellie, you are perfectly entitled to a rant.

I cannot begin to imagine what you have been through. After going through all that yourself to then lose your loved one just as things were looking up for you. Life can be so cruel.

Same here Martin, I think hey I'm ok, I'm doing this, then something hits you like a brick and you are back sobbing again.

I sometimes wonder how we all manage to get through each day....we are stronger than we think!

Love and hugs. Ali x

martin e
Posted by

Hi Ali 

ellie is very strong I don’t know how she got through it all 

we all have to strong and guilty at same time  and try to get through each day I drag myself out of bed go to work middle of day I get down  why did this happen to us   I drive a truck for a living a customer treat drivers like leper’s because of the virus  I really don’t need that I feel like giving up some days 

do you think Geoff will let me have one of his bottles of vodka  I poured  18 bottles of drink down the drain when Diane died 

take care 

Martin x