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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

How has everybody day been

martin e
Posted by

Hi all 

how has your day been my was okay then when it gets time to come home driving back to depot talking to wife like it did ever nite   then When you get home knowing it’s empty talking to the pictures  and the loneliness hope I sleep better tonight  I will ask Diane to come and see me like all ways do 

Martin x

Needing friends
Posted by

I understand, I always ask for a cuddle. Went out for a meal with family Saturday and what I would have given to reach under the table and hold his hand! Came home feeling sad, lonely, useless and a wedge of money lighter. It's tough . We keep trying, Pamx

Love is eternal
Sheilaj
Posted by

Hi all,

For the first time in 8 weeks I had a slightly better day yesterday but I think weather helped. I got up went for a run and saw my robin which is my sign Bob is watching me. Did some gardening, that’s a first and I was super proud of myself even went to a garden centre saw a plant called angel wings so bought it and planed it. Finally managed to get under stairs hook to stay up at second attempt, went to the gym, cooked and ate my homemade stew and went to bed at a sensible time. In bed hit by my usual tears as on top of usual sadness I also felt guilty that I had managed without my Bob and that didn’t feel right.

woke up this morning and I’m not one to panic but this corona virus has caused me heart palpitations as I have parents over 90 and a pregnant daughter and couldn’t cope with another disaster in my life as it would topple me over the top. Not worried for me as I’m practically self isolated and my Bob would talk sense and calm me down he was my calming influence.

God I so want him to put his strong arms around me tell me everything would be ok and be more than happy to self isolate with him. Feel tearful today after a better day yesterday.

I hate my life without him!!!!!!

Sheila

Akela2516
Posted by

Hi Shelia,

You did well. I worked yesterday! I am a nurse in a private hospital in pre assessment. I have a dread that I will be redeployed to NHS! I will not work at the hospital my husband had such poor care from. I have asthma which my children are worried about, they have lost their dad and their stepdad. I really don't want to risk anything but do need to work! The Corona virus is a nightmare!!! I hate to say it but I am slightly relieved that Ric won't have to battle that on top of the cancer!!! I would have been really stuck!!!

I too am.intending to get out in the garden today, I am going to get fence paint and some plants. I want a deep purple rose as we both loved them!  dad will build me an arbour where my tree was and repair a couple of fence posts but I can improve it still until he is allowed here! A very fit 74 yr old! 

My daughter is a bit fed up, she is in her GCSE year, has her drama practical tomorrow and is upset that she may miss exams, not knowing what is happening and her prom! We also have a booked holiday to Italy in July! I am going to cook her favourite meal tonight.

My son hears if he gets his promotional job today, so fingers crossed! 

The house is clean, I have a little ironing but I need fresh air today, so I am going to forget the world today! 

I think I am going to.have to revise my plans for scattering Ric at the mo, so he could be in the summer house a while longer! 

Hope today is good for you too.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Sheilaj
Posted by

Hi Alison,

I day in the fresh air certainly helped me yesterday but today seem back to square one but that's how things go with this grieving isn't it. Have a look at the garden centre for that plant called "Angel wings" I love them if I can keep them alive that is.

Like you My Bob would not have stood a chance with this Corona Virus and we would have had to "Totally isolate"

Hope your son gets some good news today as it's things like that which keep us going, not much good news around at the moment is there.

I need to decide what and where to scatter my Bobs ashes but am really stuck on what to do and for some reason feel unable to bring him home which i'm surprised at myself for feeling that way.

Let me know how the gardening goes, and if we go into lockdown I might become the new Charlie Dimmock as Gardening will be the only thing that will keep me busy.

I think we are doing better that we give ourselves credit for but then I feel so guilty that I am managing without Bob so can't win in the battle that is going on in my head.

Sheila 

Akela2516
Posted by

Hi Shelia,

Don't feel guilty for managing. I have always been independent, Ric knew that. I used to hate it when he took over! I know he wanted to look after me but! Lol. At the end of the day you have to manage and your Bob would be pleased and proud!

It took me 10 weeks to get Ric back and my intention was to leave him at the undertaker until knew what I was going to do which was going to be Nov. I went to pay the bill and he was ready for me so I took him on impulse really. I can't have him actually in the house though so he is sat in the summer house because I am not out there much. I say hello when i.pop my recycling out but it does make me uncomfy to have him in doors. I don't know why. You do what you are happy with. He would be surprised I have him home as we had discussed it because of his parents ashes! His sistrr had mixed them and split them up into several containers. I thought that weird!!! So it was a full on discussion!! Lol. You will do what is right for you when it is right.

Have a good day xxx

Geoff999
Posted by

Hi all,

I'm only going into a partial self isolate unless of course I get the virus.I'll still go fishing away from others and shop for food. Today I need to drop off a repeat prescription to the doctors who are in lock down from Wednesday. Then all enquiries must be done by phone! However my brilliant  neighbour friends, two who are widowed like me, are pulling back from any pub and resraurant visits so our weekly pub visit and fish and chip lunches have now been suspended.  My Annes ashes are boxed up and rest next to my bed. In the summer they'll be scattered in the wheat field that our holiday caravan used to overlook.  Anne called this place her Arcadia. However a small amount of her ashes rest in the heart of a red ceramic rose I purchased specifically  designed for that very purpose. This rose complete with a brass stem and two tastfully moulded leaves rests on the mantle piece in front of her picture. Every Christmas I bought Anne a single red rose so now she has her rose forever. The future? The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.Keep safe everyone. 

Love and Light 

Geoff xx

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Sheilaj
Posted by

Ahh Geoff,

Love the sound of your Rose. I carried a single Red Rose at Bobs funeral and placed it on his coffin before we left. I now place one on the Mantlepiece next to the beautiful pair of wings I purchased and they all sit together with his photo.

I need to pick Bob's ashes up from the Funeral Director soon that is why the what to do with them question is hanging over me.

Think you are being sensible about the partial isolation you are taking i'm just dreading lockdown but compared to what we've been through i'm sure this will not be the hardest thing we can go through.

Chat later

Sheila

witches
Posted by

Sheila, your words could of come out of my mouth.....like you am usually to busy being normal to panic but like you I have an elderly dad who I worry about but don’t want to move in with him in case I take something to him....have sniffles at the moment and like u I couldn’t cope with another death.  I miss my partner for just what you where saying .....the calming influence.  She would of seen reason and Reassured me that we would get through anything together...again self isolating together would of been easier than alone.  Another reason to have such a site as this. Hugs for a better day xx

witches
Akela2516
Posted by

Geoff, Anne's rose sounds beautiful and I love the idea of the cornfield too.

I hope lockdown is not too depressing. I have to go to work which is ok as long as I stay well. The children still need me! 

Take care and enjoy the fishing. I am out to the garden. Need some fresh air.

Love Alison xxx

martin e
Posted by

Hi all 

Diane ashes are in the front room cabinet between two weddings photos  when I decide to scatter them when I’m ready And decide where she told to put some on top of my dads grave because she liked him the rest may be where we use chill out and fish together 

have good afternoon 

Martin x

Sheilaj
Posted by

Tough night tonight went for a run, had my tea early now on the sofa with my blanket watching bake off  and Bob and I would always laugh at it so missing him more than ever tonight and feeling lonely and tearful tonight. Bad evening!

hope everyone is having a better evening than me

sheila

martin e
Posted by

Hi Sheila 

i stopped watching some of the programs we watch  together hoping it would make me feel better 

I manage not to burn oven chips to nite  I go to work and get on with it then fall apart in the middle of the day then I get home and like we  are lonely missing are loved ones and asking them to come home  it’s normal for us all 

take care 

Martin x

martin e
Posted by

Hi Sheila 

i stopped watching some of the programs we watch  together hoping it would make me feel better 

I manage not to burn oven chips to nite  I go to work and get on with it then fall apart in the middle of the day then I get home and like we  are lonely missing are loved ones and asking them to come home  it’s normal for us all 

take care 

Martin x

Sheilaj
Posted by

And now grief has made me eat biscuits so I feel sad and disappointed in myself! I’m so weak!

Sheila x