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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

8 months on ....

Geoff999
Posted by

It's 8 months on  since the love of my life passed over to Spirit. We were married 50yrs. Half a century. A life time to others. In the early months I considered suicide.My grief was so intense. Yet as the struggle continued things slowly changed without me being even  aware of it. A drip feed process. That's how change affects us. A wee bit of a time from day to day and we never ever notice it. I read posts from you good  people in your various time spans of loss.  Weeks. Months. And I say  'That was me once' And I can truly empathise. I really can. Now and simply  intuitively  my darling Anne and my love and memories  of her are  giving me a strange kind of peace that I can't put into words. It's something I would have rejected  I had been told this might happen  by any other person in the past. Of course I will have my moments of grief. Perhaps for ever? Even so  I'll welcome them as a very necessary reminder of the very special  lady in my life that made me the man I am today.And one day I too will pass over. Only then when we meet again in Spirit will we both understand. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x 

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

orchardmead30
Posted by

Good morning Geoff such a lovely post and I am so glad you feel this way. I agree with all you say as you know I lost my Ron over 3 years ago after 50nyears of marriage too and my lovely memories and of course my wonderful family are keeping me going. Love and hugs Geoff. xxxx

Carol

MelanieL
Posted by

Hi Jeff and all,

That was a beautiful post, Jeff. And I so much understand where you are coming from. Because I, too, have noticed changes over the months. When I joined this group first I told my story and listened to others who were the same time line or a little bit longer on this journey and I remember thinking: Wow, how are they doing this? As I mentioned here before, I, too, thought about suicide in the first days and weeks after my husband's death because I just found it too painful and I couldn't think of a life without him ahead of me. But, over time, I noticed that the posts in which I asked for help/opinion/an open ear became slightly fewer and I found myself more in the position of the one who was able to be a listening presence for others; not because I wasn't grieving as we all know but because I now found my grief more manageable and felt more able to talk to others from a little more experience o this journey. When I read posts of newly bereaved people on this forum today my heart goes out to them and I do understand because I was in the same situation once. And I, too, still have moments of intense grief, moments when the pain of loss and the loneliness or the fear of having to do things we used to do together on my own now. But I know now that no mtter how hard it can get at times I am able to cope because after every wave of grief, no matter how big, there is a different feeling again.

I have found meeting with friends and socialising as well as my work the most helpful tools along the way. My best days are the ones when I am incredibly busy. And the days when I have very little to do or when, like now, I can't have a lot of social contacts tend to be worse. But we'll get through it, won't we?

Love to everyone, Mel.

I don't like "moving on" because it sounds like leaving our loved one and all that happened behind. But I like "moving forward" because it means that, in spite of my tremendous loss and the pain about that, I move forward in my own life taking Paul with me.
Geoff999
Posted by

Hi Mel , 

We will all indeed get through it sweet lady.

My heart renching grief has subsided to smaller bouts of tears. Yet tears of love, but not of dispair. Being a life long  Spiritual person I've had so many signs that my sweetheart is safe and loved where she is now in the other dimension -  some even call it heaven.  All her illnesses and suffering gone : along with her poor physical body.

ALL our sweet hearts are ALIVE They really are. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x 

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.