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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Loss

Stevenage man
Posted by

I lost my wife of 35 years 7 weeks ago I knew it would be hard but I’m really struggling. I get loads of invitations to do stuff but just don’t feel like it so I stay home and feel sorry for myself and cry. Will it get easier ? How do I move on ? Friends and family have been great but they have there own lives and at the end of each day it’s just me on my own feeling helpless

Ruby Diamond
Posted by

Hello 

I'm very sorry for the loss of your wife, you will be struggling it is very early days for you. I'm so pleased you have good support around you and even if you don't feel like accepting their invitations just now please thank them and ask them to keep inviting you.

All too soon everyone does go back to their old lives and we sadly can't. We have to very slowly find a new normal and new routine. That is very daunting and lonely but we all on here seem to be finding our way. 

I am approaching the 2nd Anniversary of my husband passing away on 31st March. He was 47 and we only discovered his cancer 3 months before that date. Me and our 2 sons have survived all this time without him and I never thought we could. We have laughed and cried alot. These days there is more laughter than tears but I miss him everyday 

I hope you find being on this site useful, reading posts from others makes us feel less alone and somethings others write is exactly how we are feeling, it's a relief sometimes to know its OK to be struggling and there will be sad days and also good days. 

  • Ruby diamond x
Stevenage man
Posted by

Thankyou for that I have told everybody not to give up on me, one day I’ll shock them and accept there offers I hope. Right now good days seem so far away but I have to cling on to the hope it will happen. Thankyou again 

chris

KevBr
Posted by

Hi Chris, couldn't help responding to you even though my wife is still here and battling the disease so bravely. I sympathise so much with you as I'm sure this is exactly how I will feel when the worst happens. ... not wanting to get involved with family or friends etc .

You are doing the best you can at this time and everyone here will be wishing you the very best. If you lived close by I'd love to meet up for a pint and chat about things but the chances are slim I guess - I'm in Cumbria. Please let me know how you are doing.

Regards, Kev

KevBr
Stevenage man
Posted by

Thankyou Kev that means a lot, alas probably to far away to meet up but I appreciate the thought. My wife battled for 11 years and if you had told me at Christmas she would be gone in a month I wouldn’t have belived you, she was fit and working still. I know how hard things are for you and I hope you  have many years together still. I had 11 years to prepare but deep down never thought it would happen so when it did I was left in shock. My wife’s coping mechanism was to never talk about her illness with anyone including me. So we made no plans I just winged the funeral (probably got it all wrong). Looking back the only regrets I have is that as you get carried away with everyday life maybe I didn’t appreciate what I had. looking back it’s a comfort tho to know that she knew she was loved and that’s important. Thankyou again 

chris

KevBr
Posted by

Hi Chris, thanks for your words at this time. It makes me realise what a tough battle you have had. The fact you supported your wife through her illness for 11 years shows the love you had for her.... a real credit to you, you should be very proud, and I'm sure you did appreciate everything that you had, just that things get lost at times.
I have been by my wife's side for 12 months since her diagnosis and will hopefully be there for much longer but it is a really tough journey. My wife is similar in that you would never really know she was ill as she is still doing everything she did before - just pray that it continues. It will be such a shock for me as it was for you if and when things change. She really is my life so I totally get it when you say how tough it is now for you - but you have done amazingly well. 

Let me know how things are going, Best wishes,
Kev

KevBr