Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Sometimes I feel perhaps I shouldnt be on this site.

Geoff999
Posted by

My dear friends. 

I read all of your posts and can't help noticing that so many of you have lost the love of your life when you were so young compared to me. Good people grieving in their 40's. 50's. And 60''s. My heart goes out to you. My Anne passed from pancreatic cancer aged 71. It could be said. ' Well she had a full life at that age'. And me being  74 some might say. ' Well you are living on borrowed time mate. Make the best of it. Anyone living into their 70's can't complain when the end comes. And those into their 80's are truly blessed.' 

I can only say that grief knows no age. It hits so many good folk below the belt and it's  so unfair. But particularly good people that are so young - including the love of their lives who  passed so young. 

But for me at 74,  and  6 months into bereavement, its too late to start a new life. I'm not daft. So I live each day from day to day, Some are OK. Some are filled with so much sadness. But for you younger friends, Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just maybe. Who am I to say? I've survived, and each day becomes more and more tolerable.Each day I see a glint of hope and life. So think of how you might be as time progresses? 

Love and Light 

Geoff

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Wildcat
Posted by

You have every right to be here. As you say grief knows no age. 

Good to hear that it's a bit more tolerable

Look to the moon.
Can't imagine any future without my soulmate
Ruby Diamond
Posted by

Good evening Geoff

This site is for everyone who has lost a partner and our grief is our grief. The length of  time we had together matters not. I think it's the future we all expected that links us. We didn't ask to be left alone some for longer than others but still not the life we wanted. 

I was with my husband for 19 years married for 14 and he died when he was 47. I never wanted my son's to grow up without a Dad, sadly my Dad died in a car crash so I know only too well how they will miss him for all their lives.

I am so pleased to know that some of your days are now ok, this is a long slow process but you are getting there. Have you thought any more about getting a companion whether that be a dog or a cat?

Sleep easy

  • Ruby diamond x
Glostp
Posted by

Geoff,

We have both been in this group for about the same time and both lost our soulmate to pancreatic cancer.

Just wanted to say I read all the posts too and I'm only slightly younger than yourself.

Whilst it must be bad to lose your love at a young age, to lose the love of your life at any age is a terrible cruel thing.

My Amanda was 67, a good age but as mentioned in the thread, it's not just the age it's all the things planned all the Hope's and dreams of our future,gone that we all share.

I'm glad your having some good or at least ok days, I'm having good days also, just the numbness, persists, and as for everyone on here we all miss our loved one so much.

Gary

Softly the leaves of memories fall gently we gather and treasure them all.
Lou1986
Posted by

dear Geoff,

My husband died at the age of 42 in dec 19. I’m 33 years old. My dads wife (who was like a mum to me for 23 years) died in Oct 19. My dad is 73 years old and he is still as bad as I am 3 months down the line. I think it would be devastating at any age. Cancer is so cruel and unforgiving at times and while I wish I had another 40 years with Liam I am glad that he is no longer suffering. If he died in his 80s of the same disease I think it would still be just as heartbreaking. 

lou

x

Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today - James Dean
Dutsie
Posted by

Dear Geoff,

I was 45 when my husband died aged 64.

Whilst I would say our cancer journey was positive as we made the most. Im addition, my husband's attitude to his impending death made it somewhat easier to accept. However, real acceptance takes time.

Losing him was still losing him. This is what we have all in common, whatever age we are. I found sharing my feelings, being listened to here and reading other people's stories tremendously helpful.

This is the start of my second year without him and I was going to start going back to yoga etc. Unfortunately, I woke up Monday morning unable to walk due to tendonitis. Urgh, I thought how much more can I take as have been sick all day with migraine. Hence being up at this late hour!

Anyway, I mention this as I think I recall you mentioning tai chi before and was wondering if you started this again...

Look after yourself,

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

Geoff999
Posted by

Dear all.

Thank you for your replies. I love you all. 

I'm up late as often I am these days. The time is 2- 45am. OK I admit to drinking more than perhaps I should do but honestly - do I care? Not really. It gives me some solace. And at least I sleep well. So many of you poor souls are suffering in your grief yet I cannot say anything to relieve you of your burden. My goodness I wish I could. For 17yrs I practiced an ancient Chinese form of standing meditation called Zhan Zhuang ( Stand like a tree.) And more recently, Tai Chi.. But since Anne's passing I no longer feel inspired so its all come to a standstill. I believe all of our lives come to a stand still one way or another after losing the love of our lives. 

Hi Ruby. I may get a rescure cat. But its just a thought at the moment. I'm still unsure as to my commitment.These days  my mind swings like a pendulum, shall I. Shouldn't I? 

Dear everyone. I'm cruising through life at the moment but very slowly I'm coming to terms that my sweety pie isn't comming back. Yet whilst we hold our dear one's in our heart they never truly leave us. 

Loveland Light 

Geoff.

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

MelanieL
Posted by

Hi Dutsie,

Oh I am sorry to hear this and hope you feel better soon and can return to your yoga. Sending a big hug! Mel.

I don't like "moving on" because it sounds like leaving our loved one and all that happened behind. But I like "moving forward" because it means that, in spite of my tremendous loss and the pain about that, I move forward in my own life taking Paul with me.
MelanieL
Posted by

Oh Lou, this is such an early age to lose your loved one. I am so sorry for your loss. I am only 37 and was 35 when my husband - he was 68 - died from advanced prostate cancer. It is so difficult to imagine or think of a future without them isn't it?

Love to you, Mel.

I don't like "moving on" because it sounds like leaving our loved one and all that happened behind. But I like "moving forward" because it means that, in spite of my tremendous loss and the pain about that, I move forward in my own life taking Paul with me.