Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Living with grief

Geoff999
Posted by

Dear All 

There isn't a lot that I can add to what has been already said by you good people. But all your posts ring a bell of understanding. However this is how I can relate. ( Which perhaps is rather a lot ? Sorry. )

My Anne was given her prognosis and so recieved the various options of treatment that both Anne and I knew were the NHS in their kindness offering. But we both knew the real truth of the situation. It had been a long journey prior to this.  Anne chose the third. " Let's just nature take its course."  She was given 6 to 12 months to live from pancreatic cancer. However that brave lady survived for 14 months. Always a fighter to the end. I remember driving her home from the hospital following Anne's  decision and tears rolling down my cheeks.  On the way Anne said to me " Whats wrong with you?" in a genuine enquiring tone of voice. I replied " What we've just been told." My darling replied so bravely "Well I've been given my death sentence so lets just  get on with it" And never once did my soul mate ever cry for herself or ever bemoan her lot. Her strength and the proceeding months knowing,  I'm sure now has helped in a way concerning her passing. But I can't describe how.  In the end whilst I was alone with Anne on her hospital bed, because my daughter had gone home from her night shift with her mum.And my son had just popped down stairs for a break.  I told my Anne how much I loved her and that she was the perfect wife. And how much the kids loved her and she was the best mum in the world. It was immediately afterwards I saw my Anne take her last breath. She passed with a smile on her face.

Love and Light 

Geoff

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Owl58
Posted by

Hi Geoff. Your recollection rings bells with me as I too cried while driving my husband home from his terminal diagnosis. I am a crap driver at the best of times and he joked that if I didn’t stop crying the end would be sooner than expected. We drove through a beautiful part of the country which never failed to make us grateful to be living in this part of the country.  My husband’s death wasn’t as peaceful as your wife’s and I was glad when it was finally over. Jack Daniels has been my friend in the past few nights although my husband wouldn’t approve. I get through every first without him as best I can. I am not the first to go through this and I won’t be the last. My heart goes out to all the ones who will be experiencing this over the next days weeks and months. My 3 year old granddaughter said grandad is in the sky and he needs to come home now. I miss him so. 

Geoff999
Posted by

Dear Owl58 

My heart genuinely goes out to you dear lady 

Believe me when I say that since losing my Anne alcohol had been my best friend. I don't care what the experts and moralists say,  unless you've experienced grief no 'expert' has the right or the authority to 'Put their two penny's worth in'  to quote an old fashioned Saying.

Without alcohol I would have lost my sanity - maybe suicide. I'm certainly not an alcoholic nor will I ever be. I know myself after living 74yrs. But I've used alcohol on many occasion - although mainly a beer drinker - Jack Daniels with a tea spoon of water plus ice is the most calming of drinks. 

Love and Light 

Geoff

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

robmar
Posted by

I haven’t posted on here for quite some time and have had to change my detailed etc. Rob passed 29/4/18 with gall bladder cancer.This was a man who never smoked- he hated the smell- hardly drank was a junior referee. Rob was a cop or should I say a police officer for 30yrs and our plan was to retire to the sun. I am an aux nurse in a busy city hospital- rob hated me doing this job-and yip I hate to to say this but I still see people coming in and thinking why him and not them ? Anyway we are all thinking why him-why her- All I know is I have lost my bestest pal-cop speak-and my children have lost their best friend and my gran children have lost the best person ever.I don’t know what else to say.I hate being here and I know every body here feels the same as I do so just to say hello and I hope each and everyone of us is ok. Xx

Geoff999
Posted by

Dear robmar

I'm a retired Met Police Cop. Did 30yrs like your Rob. But I was a piss head during my time 70's - 2000. And I'm still a piss head. I also smoke and vape yet I still survive even though I don't want to since losing the love of my life Anne 6 months ago. This world stinks of unfairness. A complete shit hole and if goodness forbid reincarnation is real there is no way I'm coming back. I just cant wait to die so I drink and smoke like a trooper. I wish what ever life I have I could give to your Rob so you would have him for a while longer.

Love and Light 

Geoff

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

robmar
Posted by

Dear Geoff you and I know cops or should I say police officers have their moments!!!Rob was no angel please don’t think that and his time 70s-2005 well I could tell you a few stories!,! As I am sure you could as well?? As for alcohol intake mine has increased so no I should not judge others.I know exactly how you feel. All we wanted to do was take away our loved ones pains and even as I still think it would be less of a loss if it had been me.Crazy! Hours before Rob died my youngest daughter said-I always thought Dad was the strong one but it’s you-I never thought I was strong because Rob always sorted everything but when we were told he had 6 weeks to live I took him home and cared for him.He was our pal, friend,dad,grandad,husband.and because of cancer he was also afraid and that is the one thing I hate about cancer it’s the fear.Anyway Geoff if God has a plan then I think he has been having too many nights out!!!!